Latest on the list of countries that now use my blog as their main means of entertainment--Latvia. I did a report on something that had to do with Latvia in high school. I don't really remember what it was about, but I think it was with my girl Michelle and I think we got a B+. They call me the Positive B. But anyway, welcome Latvia. I knew some eastern european country would be all over this blog soon enough. Sometimes you can just feel it, ya know?
So I get to go home in 4 short days. And by 4 short days I mean 7 tests from now and probably about 30 hours of studying. Honestly it'll probably be closer to 15-20 but it makes me sound better if i say 30. I like to pretend like my life is way harder than it actually is so that people give me sympathy that I don't really deserve. My whole life is a lie. Don't believe anything I say. Except these past 2 or 3 sentences.
Tomorrow is my last day reffing the adult league I've been doing for the past 5 weeks or so. I'm hoping something ridiculous happens. It's been so up and down for the past few weeks that it would be a huge letdown if nothing crazy happens. I want to see somebody get kicked in the head or something. At the very least I would like to get my keys back. Come on mystery person who took my keys and doesnt check his/her email. the internet is everywhere. You're probably getting cancer from it as we speak, so you might as well use it to check your email and find out that those keys you took are from your coed recreational soccer league that you probably take too seriously.
I decided on my first son's name. Guy Benjamin Lowey. I know it has no flow at all but the name Guy is so sick and if my kid somehow manages to not like that name, he will be called Jam, which is the best nickname for BenJAMin there ever was. Be honest, you're impressed with the awesomeness of that nickname. How much would you love to be called Jam? Your whole life would be way better and everyone would assume you kill it super hard. Kind of a lot to live up to but you would have infinity confidence because of your awesome name and everybody knows that confidence=success. I know that's not actually true but I said it so confidently that you probably believed it for at least 2 seconds, which is all the time I need to take advantage of you and then leave you out to dry while I move onto the next person to trick. To the victor goes the spoils.
I learned from Deadliest Warrior (the best show ever) that THIS is actually how Vlad impaled people, but that last link came up faster and now it's too late to change it. Really I just want 2 impalement pictures in this blog. It just feels right. Sometimes you gotta impale people. Vlad knows what I'm talking about.
So just a heads up, I'm not sure how much I'm gonna be able to get onto the blogosphere while I'm away from school, mostly because somehow I'm pretty sure I'm gonna manage to be busier during vacation than I am during my 30+ credit hour class schedule. School is for nerds anyway. Speaking of school, I have lived in Missouri for a year. The city of St. Louis smells like everybody farted all at once. Trust me, I know about farts. I lived on beer and meat in college. If you were to write a recipe for farts, it would be beer and steak, starting as early as you can in the day. Also make sure the beer is out of a can to allow for maximal gas swallowing, and don't chew your food very well. I think I should probably patent this recipe so nobody can steal it. I'll be dominating the fart market. The farket, if you will. I have a feeling most of you will.
So the point of that paragraph was that maybe you should start blog rationing if you feel so inclined. I know most of you do that anyway, but for my daily readers (Tim and Brittany) I would recommend taking a day off or two for the next week so that you can still have a blog every other day. My writing is like meth. You can't just stop cold turkey. Trust me, I've tried. Not the meth, and also not the blog stopping, but I have tried doing things and then not doing them. It can get ugly.
Well, here is your haiku and then I have to pee and go to bed because I have 2 finals tomorrow.
What's up Latvia?
I wish the farket was real
I would make millions.
Just so everyone knows, I had to dictionary.com millions to make sure it wasn't 3 syllables. This haiku business can be tricky. And just so everybody knows again, I didn't actually have to do that but I pretended like I did so that you would think I have flaws, which clearly I do not.
They call me the stock farket wind broker. (that's 2 fart jokes in 4 words. you're welcome everyone)
So I get to go home in 4 short days. And by 4 short days I mean 7 tests from now and probably about 30 hours of studying. Honestly it'll probably be closer to 15-20 but it makes me sound better if i say 30. I like to pretend like my life is way harder than it actually is so that people give me sympathy that I don't really deserve. My whole life is a lie. Don't believe anything I say. Except these past 2 or 3 sentences.
Tomorrow is my last day reffing the adult league I've been doing for the past 5 weeks or so. I'm hoping something ridiculous happens. It's been so up and down for the past few weeks that it would be a huge letdown if nothing crazy happens. I want to see somebody get kicked in the head or something. At the very least I would like to get my keys back. Come on mystery person who took my keys and doesnt check his/her email. the internet is everywhere. You're probably getting cancer from it as we speak, so you might as well use it to check your email and find out that those keys you took are from your coed recreational soccer league that you probably take too seriously.
I decided on my first son's name. Guy Benjamin Lowey. I know it has no flow at all but the name Guy is so sick and if my kid somehow manages to not like that name, he will be called Jam, which is the best nickname for BenJAMin there ever was. Be honest, you're impressed with the awesomeness of that nickname. How much would you love to be called Jam? Your whole life would be way better and everyone would assume you kill it super hard. Kind of a lot to live up to but you would have infinity confidence because of your awesome name and everybody knows that confidence=success. I know that's not actually true but I said it so confidently that you probably believed it for at least 2 seconds, which is all the time I need to take advantage of you and then leave you out to dry while I move onto the next person to trick. To the victor goes the spoils.
I learned from Deadliest Warrior (the best show ever) that THIS is actually how Vlad impaled people, but that last link came up faster and now it's too late to change it. Really I just want 2 impalement pictures in this blog. It just feels right. Sometimes you gotta impale people. Vlad knows what I'm talking about.
So just a heads up, I'm not sure how much I'm gonna be able to get onto the blogosphere while I'm away from school, mostly because somehow I'm pretty sure I'm gonna manage to be busier during vacation than I am during my 30+ credit hour class schedule. School is for nerds anyway. Speaking of school, I have lived in Missouri for a year. The city of St. Louis smells like everybody farted all at once. Trust me, I know about farts. I lived on beer and meat in college. If you were to write a recipe for farts, it would be beer and steak, starting as early as you can in the day. Also make sure the beer is out of a can to allow for maximal gas swallowing, and don't chew your food very well. I think I should probably patent this recipe so nobody can steal it. I'll be dominating the fart market. The farket, if you will. I have a feeling most of you will.
So the point of that paragraph was that maybe you should start blog rationing if you feel so inclined. I know most of you do that anyway, but for my daily readers (Tim and Brittany) I would recommend taking a day off or two for the next week so that you can still have a blog every other day. My writing is like meth. You can't just stop cold turkey. Trust me, I've tried. Not the meth, and also not the blog stopping, but I have tried doing things and then not doing them. It can get ugly.
Well, here is your haiku and then I have to pee and go to bed because I have 2 finals tomorrow.
What's up Latvia?
I wish the farket was real
I would make millions.
Just so everyone knows, I had to dictionary.com millions to make sure it wasn't 3 syllables. This haiku business can be tricky. And just so everybody knows again, I didn't actually have to do that but I pretended like I did so that you would think I have flaws, which clearly I do not.
They call me the stock farket wind broker. (that's 2 fart jokes in 4 words. you're welcome everyone)
idk if i'll be able to blog ration. when i wrote that it kinda looked like blog nation, and i know how you like "nations." consider me the number 1 fan of "blog nation." also... on a side note, farket was brilliant!
ReplyDeletei keep responding to these blogs so i can add to my fake word list. you're gonna love it.