Yo dog

Sorry for missing a day yesterday.  I know this blog is the most important part of all your lives and I apologize from the depths of my soul for not supplying you all with an adequate supply.

First of all I would like to say to you how awesome Goldfish are.  Top of the line snack cracker.  I could eat goldfish all day err day.  For my money there is not a better artificially cheese flavored vaguely animal shaped food on the market.  For the most part all animal shaped food is good.  Think about it.  Gummy bears.  Animal crackers. Sour patch kids (that counts right?).  Gummy sharks.  Most of them are gummy things.   I want to start eating meat that is cut in the shape of the animal that it came from.  How cool would that be?  a cow shaped steak.  fish shaped fish filet.  Chicken shaped patties.  How is this not a thing?  I'm the smartest person there is.

 

 

Not exactly what I was talking about but still pretty cool

There is one more thing on my mind, and it is urinal related.  At school, there are four urinals in the main bathroom.  Three normal sized ones, and one little one at the end by the wall.  Here is my question:  If someone decides to pee in the middle normal urinal and you have to pee, which urinal do you pick?  Do you abide by the rule of not peeing right next to someone if you don't have to and thus pee in the tiny urinal that is kinda awkward to pee in, or do you punish them for being a jerk and pee right next to them?  I'll try to illustrate what I mean, because I assume this only makes sense in my head.

LU=little urinal
NU= normal urinal.

Wall.  LU  NU1  NU2  NU3.

There is your peeing scenario.  Do you pee next to the guy or take the little urinal?  I say you pee next to the guy so he learns his lesson, but I could be way off the mark here.  I need some guidance.  Preferably from a girl because you have no point of reference for urinal etiquette and I need a fresh perspective.  So Brit, Anna, and Big B (the only girls I know that read this on any sort of regular basis); where do I pee?  Input is encouraged.

Pretty sure I almost got heat stroke yesterday.  Got so hot that I was actually kinda cold for a second.  Thankfully I had about a half gallon of water and a ziplock full of goldfish to save the day.  Keep those electrolytes on hand, kids.  You don't wanna become a victim of hypotonic extracellular fluid.  Gotta keep those cells from swelling up.  Trust me, you don't want your cell membranes to lyse and leak contents all over the place.  We're talking a major self-perpetuating inflammatory process here.  Trust me.  I'm a doctor.

Alex told me today that I probably have a problem with haikus.  I'm addicted or something.  Well guess what Alex?  You're not my real dad and you can't tell me what to do.  Here's another haiku, because I'm in control and I can quit whenever I want.

Goldfish taste so good
salty fake cheesy goodness
haiku addiction.

I got new shorts this past weekend and they have HUGE pockets.  My forearms get about 3/4 of the way in before I hit bottom.  I like big pockets.  All the convenience of JNCOs or cargo pockets without the awfulness of JNCOs and cargo pockets.  Hey, maybe I have a lot of cargo and I don't like my shorts to look like they're wearing shorts.  Is that such a big deal?  No.  The answer is no.

Well that's about it for today.  I'm gonna leave you with another celebrity incidental shank before I give myself another nickname.  Maybe celebrity isn't the best word for this character, but nonetheless he is famous.  And that's a pretty solid shank.  Finding these pictures is actually kinda hard, but I know how much you all love this segment? so I will continue finding you sneak attack shanks.

They call me the goldfish miner