I Know it's been a little while since my last post, so here is a gif to tide you over until my next real post, which should probably be this week or weekend or something. Who knows. I got the need. The need to briefly blog.
Do work son.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Monday, November 26, 2012
Post thanksgiving post
Hello loyal readers. I hope you all had a wonderful thanksgiving with friends, family, and at least one person you really dont like. Before I even get into this blog, I'd like to give you the gift of a gif. The best gif. I call it the 2012 Jet Legacy. Jegacy if you will.
My favorite part is when he realizes the ball is gone and he just lets his face fall into the dirt at the very end. It's so much more than admitting defeat. It's embracing the suck. It's a full on "I hate, so much, the things I choose to be" moment. It's everything I love about sports in one moment. It's like that moment when they zoom in on the losing fans' faces, and you can just taste their tears through the TV and they're so salty and yet so sweet. It's that moment times 100. That moment times 100,001 because i like palindromes and misery. I think that will be the new motto of this blog. For too long it's been the most important thing you'll read all day. I think at this point in my blogging career, especially since this is by no means a daily blog anymore, PEOAWAR will now be known by our new motto and slogan: Palindromes & Misery. You're all welcome.
Brittany came to spend thanksgiving with my family this weekend, and she got to kind of see how I grew up, which was clearly a huge mistake. I know Brittany will be reading this blog soon, but I will go ahead and write some things on the internet about you anyway Blittany. You are welcome.
I'm pretty sure that after this weekend, Blittany thinks that my whole childhood and adolescence consisted of giving people high fives and being best friends with the entire state of Massachusetts. She attended my 5 year high school reunion, where I proceeded to introduce her to 12 people and forget to introduce her to the other 75 people she met. Then she met the rest of my family that she hadn't yet met on Thursday, and also managed to not nap once the whole day. Pretty impressive Brit. Especially considering your pedigree as a born, bred, and raised napper. Then, on Friday she attended my high school soccer alumni game, where she met just about everyone I have ever played soccer with and then an extra 25 people. She met just about everyone I ever talked to from age 6-17 this weekend and managed to not have her head explode. So here's to you, Ms. Entire-Town-Of-Westwood Meeter. You smiled and nodded all weekend, meeting all my old friends, my old friends parents, and even some people I don't even know myself. When my friends' parents told you I was a good catch, you pretended like you agreed with them, and didn't tell them how smelly my farts are or about this blog. So here's to you, Ms. Entire-Town-Of-Westwood Meeter, because thanks to you, I look like a normal human being with a girlfriend and social skills, and nobody noticed my scraggly beard at the alumni game.
By the way, I really like the acronym for this blog. PEOAWAR. It's like I invented a new RPG. And not the cool kind that blows stuff up. The kind that you waste 2 months of your life playing only to realize that internet points don't count and you haven't showered in 3 days, and also you have athletes foot. Not because you're an athlete, but because you've worn slippers for 2 weeks straight without socks on and it rained yesterday and you didn't bother to take your slippers off even though you went outside so that you could pay the pizza delivery guy, who won't even come within 5 feet of your front door because a) it smells weird b) there's a funny green glow coming from the next room and c) he thinks he might actually be saving your life by making you walk an extra 8 steps. Life is motion people. If you're not moving forward you're dying. Figuratively of course, because sayings are stupid and metaphors are for people who can't handle the truth (see my previous blogs when I had a metaphor of the day or something, I'm pretty sure that was a thing like a year ago).
Well I think that's a good place to stop. Shout out to Tim because he's emotionally unstable without a blog shoutout. Shoutout to the Jets for having 5 points against the patriots this weekend at some point. You may have lost the game, but you won the safety battle. And that counts for something. And that something is a box full of emptiness and sorrow. Here's your gif.
OH also the world is due to end in 25 days. Here's to a mundane last 3 and a half weeks to human existence. And by last 3 and a half weeks I mean probably another hundred thousand years or so, assuming we don't kill ourselves off, and we manage to cope with global warming and that kind of stuff. And you should all follow @yaboybillnye on twitter. Dude's hilarious.
Dude kills it. Here's your gif for real.
Brittany came to spend thanksgiving with my family this weekend, and she got to kind of see how I grew up, which was clearly a huge mistake. I know Brittany will be reading this blog soon, but I will go ahead and write some things on the internet about you anyway Blittany. You are welcome.
I'm pretty sure that after this weekend, Blittany thinks that my whole childhood and adolescence consisted of giving people high fives and being best friends with the entire state of Massachusetts. She attended my 5 year high school reunion, where I proceeded to introduce her to 12 people and forget to introduce her to the other 75 people she met. Then she met the rest of my family that she hadn't yet met on Thursday, and also managed to not nap once the whole day. Pretty impressive Brit. Especially considering your pedigree as a born, bred, and raised napper. Then, on Friday she attended my high school soccer alumni game, where she met just about everyone I have ever played soccer with and then an extra 25 people. She met just about everyone I ever talked to from age 6-17 this weekend and managed to not have her head explode. So here's to you, Ms. Entire-Town-Of-Westwood Meeter. You smiled and nodded all weekend, meeting all my old friends, my old friends parents, and even some people I don't even know myself. When my friends' parents told you I was a good catch, you pretended like you agreed with them, and didn't tell them how smelly my farts are or about this blog. So here's to you, Ms. Entire-Town-Of-Westwood Meeter, because thanks to you, I look like a normal human being with a girlfriend and social skills, and nobody noticed my scraggly beard at the alumni game.
By the way, I really like the acronym for this blog. PEOAWAR. It's like I invented a new RPG. And not the cool kind that blows stuff up. The kind that you waste 2 months of your life playing only to realize that internet points don't count and you haven't showered in 3 days, and also you have athletes foot. Not because you're an athlete, but because you've worn slippers for 2 weeks straight without socks on and it rained yesterday and you didn't bother to take your slippers off even though you went outside so that you could pay the pizza delivery guy, who won't even come within 5 feet of your front door because a) it smells weird b) there's a funny green glow coming from the next room and c) he thinks he might actually be saving your life by making you walk an extra 8 steps. Life is motion people. If you're not moving forward you're dying. Figuratively of course, because sayings are stupid and metaphors are for people who can't handle the truth (see my previous blogs when I had a metaphor of the day or something, I'm pretty sure that was a thing like a year ago).
Well I think that's a good place to stop. Shout out to Tim because he's emotionally unstable without a blog shoutout. Shoutout to the Jets for having 5 points against the patriots this weekend at some point. You may have lost the game, but you won the safety battle. And that counts for something. And that something is a box full of emptiness and sorrow. Here's your gif.
OH also the world is due to end in 25 days. Here's to a mundane last 3 and a half weeks to human existence. And by last 3 and a half weeks I mean probably another hundred thousand years or so, assuming we don't kill ourselves off, and we manage to cope with global warming and that kind of stuff. And you should all follow @yaboybillnye on twitter. Dude's hilarious.
YA BOY BILL NYE
there better be cities in space before i die im tryna live on the mooooon. lemme get dat MOON HOUSE!
Dude kills it. Here's your gif for real.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Whats up fellow internet users. This will be my second blog since homecoming. It will be written today, November 10, because I get to relax a little bit today. Not too much, mind you, because I have to study and work today. But nonetheless, I will blog. Firstly, I would like to tell you about my nap yesterday. It was awesome. I laid down, and then I was unconscious for about 2 hours, and then I woke up. And oh boy was that unconsciousness glorious. I was neither awake, nor conscious, nor aware of my surroundings. If ever an enemy wanted to strike me down, that would have been the moment. I was a metaphorical sitting duck, and a literal sleeping human. It would have been like shooting metaphorical fish in a metaphorical barrel, or like shooting a literal human in a literal bed while he is sleeping. But you have missed that chance, sneaky made up enemy. You also missed the chance last night while I slept again. You are a very poor predator. You should read "Hunting for Idiots" or something, which is sort of an ambiguous name. Does it teach idiots how to hunt, or does it teach you how to hunt idiots? You should really work on your punctuation, "for idiots" franchise. Also I should probably read blogging for dummies. I need some coaching. What are these square plastic things below this glowing square? What do the various shapes and lines on them mean? I would like to know these things.
I'm going to do something I haven't done in a while on this blog, and that is have a color of the day. The color of the day today is White.
There are 3 pictures of Betty White on the first 3 pages on google image search. That is more than any other human, There's only 1 wolf. Betty White >wolves according to google. I didn't make the results, I just report them.
Oh did you guys hear Obama won? That's pretty cool I guess. I kinda wonder what the next four years will look like..............(wavy screen transition).............................Four years from now we will be pretty OK. My condolences go out to those of you who think we're headed for doom and destruction, and especially to those of you who expect a thousand years of darkness (1:50). lol. We're not all moving to Alaska bro, the sun comes up and down here in the good ole continental 48. Maybe I'm young an naive (I'm not), but a thousand years is kinda a long time. Somebody is gonna figure out how to work a flashlight in those thousand years. You can make a battery out of a lemon bro. (new favorite twitter account btw).
Tim was bummed to not get a shoutout in my last blog, and wrote me a pretty nasty haiku to voice his displeasure. Hey Tim, I know it's voting season and you wanna voice your choice and vote or die or however P Diddy is getting college kids to vote this year but this blog is a dictatorship. We don't do democrablogs over here. Homie don't play that. This isn't even a benelovent dictatorship. This is on some Stalin level. Level 3 dictator. I'm listening to a book about World War 2, and Stalin is a HARD dude. He's all like "Oh Stalingrad? You guys wanna retreat? You mean our only stronghold is one factory and you're fighting Germans with knives in the dark? Well too bad I'm just gonna cut your rations more and if you retreat from my namesake city I'm just gonna shoot you anyway, so at least try to get propaganda film famous, (which is kinda like internet famous now) so the kids that you don't have will be proud of you during the Cold War. I'M STALIN SON! ANYTHING IS POSSIBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!!"
I now realize I may have gone too far with the Stalin bit. My condolences go out to those of you who still mourn the loss of approximately 1,000,000 red army soldiers at Stalingrad. Although I can't imagine you are my target audience. Bottom line is Tim gets a shoutout this week, but only because he hurt my feelings with that haiku and I'm trying to work on forgiveness.
And now I will leave you with your blogly gif.
I'm going to do something I haven't done in a while on this blog, and that is have a color of the day. The color of the day today is White.
 |
| Best picture on this blog so far |
Oh did you guys hear Obama won? That's pretty cool I guess. I kinda wonder what the next four years will look like..............(wavy screen transition).............................Four years from now we will be pretty OK. My condolences go out to those of you who think we're headed for doom and destruction, and especially to those of you who expect a thousand years of darkness (1:50). lol. We're not all moving to Alaska bro, the sun comes up and down here in the good ole continental 48. Maybe I'm young an naive (I'm not), but a thousand years is kinda a long time. Somebody is gonna figure out how to work a flashlight in those thousand years. You can make a battery out of a lemon bro. (new favorite twitter account btw).
Tim was bummed to not get a shoutout in my last blog, and wrote me a pretty nasty haiku to voice his displeasure. Hey Tim, I know it's voting season and you wanna voice your choice and vote or die or however P Diddy is getting college kids to vote this year but this blog is a dictatorship. We don't do democrablogs over here. Homie don't play that. This isn't even a benelovent dictatorship. This is on some Stalin level. Level 3 dictator. I'm listening to a book about World War 2, and Stalin is a HARD dude. He's all like "Oh Stalingrad? You guys wanna retreat? You mean our only stronghold is one factory and you're fighting Germans with knives in the dark? Well too bad I'm just gonna cut your rations more and if you retreat from my namesake city I'm just gonna shoot you anyway, so at least try to get propaganda film famous, (which is kinda like internet famous now) so the kids that you don't have will be proud of you during the Cold War. I'M STALIN SON! ANYTHING IS POSSIBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!!"
I now realize I may have gone too far with the Stalin bit. My condolences go out to those of you who still mourn the loss of approximately 1,000,000 red army soldiers at Stalingrad. Although I can't imagine you are my target audience. Bottom line is Tim gets a shoutout this week, but only because he hurt my feelings with that haiku and I'm trying to work on forgiveness.
And now I will leave you with your blogly gif.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
The dark blog returns
hello everyone
I apologize for my recent absence. I have encountered this thing called "having things that I have to do," which is a completely foreign concept to me. I was recently in my favorite state that I went to an undergraduate university in, Deraware, and I was reminded that I have a blog and that I have no fewer than 2 adoring fans who apparently still wipe away the digital cobwebs and check to see if I have graced the internet with a new blog post. And today, october 25th, till be that day.
Some of you may be asking, "Drew, what have you been so busy with that you couldn't have spent even one hour on this blog over the past 2 months?" Well you people are not gonna get an answer because I'm not trying to talk about that tonight. What am I talking about tonight? What will I be talking about? NOTHING. That's right. You're gonna get a classic tonight.
Does swiss cheese taste good as a grilled cheese? I'm thinking about making a grilled cheese later and I only have swiss. I'm kind of assuming that it'll work out fine, but you can't be sure these days. Uncertain times we live in. Uncertain times. Who is going to be the next president? What will the next flavor of mountain dew be? Will I ever be able to do laundry at the same rate at which I use underwear? We know none of these things. Yet we persevere. We continue on. You might even say we keep calm and carry on. I'm listening to a book on world war 2 right now in my motor vehicle and it is about 25 cds long. I am on the third cd. France has already surrendered. The narrator has a British accent. Numbers and I have recently had a following out, but if 2 years of a war takes 3 cds, and the war was 7 years long, should the book not be roughly 12 cds? It kinda makes me feel bad for France, but it a really condescending way. The message this author is sending France with this book seems to be, "you are the worst." You know what France, maybe you guys just don't have it in you. Maybe the whole war thing just isn't for you. You know what you guys do real well? Horizontal stripes and smugness. Maybe you guys should have invented horizontal stripes before world war 2 and then you coulda just stayed out of the whole thing and avoided the whole occupation and stuff. You could have been like (written in a french english accent) "hu hu, heetlair, we frehnch do not fight in ze battelles anymoooah! Look at zis bagayt (bagette)! Zis is not ze food for ze soljairs! Zis is ze food for deepeeng in maiy taeenee glass of coffeeeeee. HU HU HU" I'll have to let you guys know what happens after cd #3. Maybe it'll be a new blog segment. "What happened in world war 2, featuring Drew." I like it. And you all will too.
SPFP put me in his status today, tagging me as the guy in a horror movie who would have a super good plan for everyone to escape but nobody listens to him. It made me feel special. But not as special as when he wrote later, "but in real life mode Drew tells everyone to go outside and everyone does immediately." That is why they call me the decider. I can't imagine how anyone who doesn't have me tell them what to do ever does anything. The rest of the world must just wallow in their indecision. I like the word wallow. It's a good word.
Alright I think this will be the end of this blog. I hope you enjoyed this Blittany and SPFP. This blog is for you. Now here is your haiku and gif.
I apologize for my recent absence. I have encountered this thing called "having things that I have to do," which is a completely foreign concept to me. I was recently in my favorite state that I went to an undergraduate university in, Deraware, and I was reminded that I have a blog and that I have no fewer than 2 adoring fans who apparently still wipe away the digital cobwebs and check to see if I have graced the internet with a new blog post. And today, october 25th, till be that day.
Some of you may be asking, "Drew, what have you been so busy with that you couldn't have spent even one hour on this blog over the past 2 months?" Well you people are not gonna get an answer because I'm not trying to talk about that tonight. What am I talking about tonight? What will I be talking about? NOTHING. That's right. You're gonna get a classic tonight.
Does swiss cheese taste good as a grilled cheese? I'm thinking about making a grilled cheese later and I only have swiss. I'm kind of assuming that it'll work out fine, but you can't be sure these days. Uncertain times we live in. Uncertain times. Who is going to be the next president? What will the next flavor of mountain dew be? Will I ever be able to do laundry at the same rate at which I use underwear? We know none of these things. Yet we persevere. We continue on. You might even say we keep calm and carry on. I'm listening to a book on world war 2 right now in my motor vehicle and it is about 25 cds long. I am on the third cd. France has already surrendered. The narrator has a British accent. Numbers and I have recently had a following out, but if 2 years of a war takes 3 cds, and the war was 7 years long, should the book not be roughly 12 cds? It kinda makes me feel bad for France, but it a really condescending way. The message this author is sending France with this book seems to be, "you are the worst." You know what France, maybe you guys just don't have it in you. Maybe the whole war thing just isn't for you. You know what you guys do real well? Horizontal stripes and smugness. Maybe you guys should have invented horizontal stripes before world war 2 and then you coulda just stayed out of the whole thing and avoided the whole occupation and stuff. You could have been like (written in a french english accent) "hu hu, heetlair, we frehnch do not fight in ze battelles anymoooah! Look at zis bagayt (bagette)! Zis is not ze food for ze soljairs! Zis is ze food for deepeeng in maiy taeenee glass of coffeeeeee. HU HU HU" I'll have to let you guys know what happens after cd #3. Maybe it'll be a new blog segment. "What happened in world war 2, featuring Drew." I like it. And you all will too.
SPFP put me in his status today, tagging me as the guy in a horror movie who would have a super good plan for everyone to escape but nobody listens to him. It made me feel special. But not as special as when he wrote later, "but in real life mode Drew tells everyone to go outside and everyone does immediately." That is why they call me the decider. I can't imagine how anyone who doesn't have me tell them what to do ever does anything. The rest of the world must just wallow in their indecision. I like the word wallow. It's a good word.
Alright I think this will be the end of this blog. I hope you enjoyed this Blittany and SPFP. This blog is for you. Now here is your haiku and gif.
 |
| that haiku is dumb it was too introspective not enough fart jokes |
Sunday, August 19, 2012
maybe the best gif yet
I was just looking through all my bookmarks and I came across one I didn't remember. Without further ado, here it is. Your gif.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
b-blog it out
Welcome back to your blog Drew. You have been missed by it. I know you've been busy but I'd really appreciate it if you'd visit more often. I mean, come on. It's not like you do anything anyway. Except those days recently that you've been leaving the house at 6:30 and getting back home at like 11. I mean, that leaves 7 1/2 hours to blog right? get it together Drew. Weak sauce.
So as you can tell from that last paragraph that my blog managed to write for me, I've been busy and I also like to whine about it. But the truth is, I don't mind being busy. It's kinda nice. I just find stuff to do during the day when I have breaks. I study things and stuff like that. Today I read the paper on my phone. Do you know how relaxing it is to flip through the newspaper and read articles on how some jewish lady is cleaning up jamaica pond with some sort of remote controlled U-boat? It's glorious. You know what's less nice than that? Learning about poop. That's what about half of my exam tomorrow is on. Poop. Although at least when you're learning about poop you can make good jokes. I know all about diarrhea dude. I'm the diarrhea king. I got diarrhea flow. Irritable bowel syndrome, secretory infection diarrhea. All over it. You got bloody poops? Let me take a look. But seriously, don't because I'm not that interested in it. But maybe I might be. But probably not.
So tomorrow is the day that Brittany comes to visit. She will be here for approximately 45 hours. I will not be blogging in those 45 hours. I will be riding roller coasters though. And that's not even a sex joke. We're going to six flags. I freaking love roller coasters. They are kinda glorious. You sit in this contraption that goes super fast and down big drops and stuff and you don't even die! That's some human freaking ingenuity right there. Also I just realized by spelling ingenuity that it's the noun form of ingenious. Sometimes it just clicks right? Clicks like McMurray's test. We did the knee regional today. It was alright.
Harry potter is on right now and I'm running low on battery, so I'm afraid that this might have to be the end of this blog. But I did come across a glorious gif yesterday. So glorious in fact that I emailed it to myself so I wouldn't lose it. And by emailed it to myself I mean I didn't close the safari page it was on in my phone and just now I emailed it to myself. So without further ado or buildup that might make this gif less awesome to you that it was for me, here it is. Your moment of gif.
So as you can tell from that last paragraph that my blog managed to write for me, I've been busy and I also like to whine about it. But the truth is, I don't mind being busy. It's kinda nice. I just find stuff to do during the day when I have breaks. I study things and stuff like that. Today I read the paper on my phone. Do you know how relaxing it is to flip through the newspaper and read articles on how some jewish lady is cleaning up jamaica pond with some sort of remote controlled U-boat? It's glorious. You know what's less nice than that? Learning about poop. That's what about half of my exam tomorrow is on. Poop. Although at least when you're learning about poop you can make good jokes. I know all about diarrhea dude. I'm the diarrhea king. I got diarrhea flow. Irritable bowel syndrome, secretory infection diarrhea. All over it. You got bloody poops? Let me take a look. But seriously, don't because I'm not that interested in it. But maybe I might be. But probably not.
So tomorrow is the day that Brittany comes to visit. She will be here for approximately 45 hours. I will not be blogging in those 45 hours. I will be riding roller coasters though. And that's not even a sex joke. We're going to six flags. I freaking love roller coasters. They are kinda glorious. You sit in this contraption that goes super fast and down big drops and stuff and you don't even die! That's some human freaking ingenuity right there. Also I just realized by spelling ingenuity that it's the noun form of ingenious. Sometimes it just clicks right? Clicks like McMurray's test. We did the knee regional today. It was alright.
Harry potter is on right now and I'm running low on battery, so I'm afraid that this might have to be the end of this blog. But I did come across a glorious gif yesterday. So glorious in fact that I emailed it to myself so I wouldn't lose it. And by emailed it to myself I mean I didn't close the safari page it was on in my phone and just now I emailed it to myself. So without further ado or buildup that might make this gif less awesome to you that it was for me, here it is. Your moment of gif.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
sunday slobday
So today I am blogging purely because I need to kill some time. Breaking Bad premiers tonight at 9 central (aka fake time) and it's only 5:41 as I'm starting this blog. Also the cable in my living room is not working. It's working in my room but I don't get HBO in my room so essentially it's worthless. Amazing how quickly I become conditioned to luxury. They call me the spoiled child. I could go to the skatepark but I already showered today and everybody knows you're not allowed to shower twice in a day. So, here I am today. Blogging away. In the shade. Styling my hair with pomade. But not really that. But maybe I will start doing that. But really I won't. Here is your sunday blog. COMMENCE.
Did you guys know that commencement really means beginning? I love english so much. I was about to go on a rant about how much I hate english, but then I realized how unbelievably awesome it is. You know what it does? Puts us all up on a pedestal. Oh, you don't know how to speak the most confusing language known to man? You must be an idiot and get out of my country. And on top of that, America is so jacked that if you don't speak english you can't make it in international business/relations. The worst language has become the default language for international stuff. America is awesome. You know what the most logical international language would be? Norwegian. My boy Daniel, the only Norwegian guy I know, told me that Norwegian is close enough to Swedish and Danish that you can have conversations where one person is speaking Norwegian and the other person is speaking Danish/Swedish. You know what the coolest part about this little language love triangle is? It's really just a love angle, because people speaking Danish and Swedish can't understand each other. Danish and Swedish intersect at a point, and that point is Norwegian. How cool is that? That's like some super meta world peace stuff. I mean, of course if norwegian was the powerhouse language, then only people in those 3 slavic countries would benefit, but who cares? Also this is interesting. Literally the only 3 countries that I was going to name with English as it's national language don't have a national language. Freaking internet. You only show me the most useful information.
Moving on to my next thought, I would like to give my girl Brittany a shoutout for finishing ortho without needing a psych evaluation or picking up a drug habit. I know I tell you this all the time when you do things that don't merit pride at all, but for real I am actually so proud of you this time! They call you the musculoskeletal master. Nicknames are better with alliteration. As are real names. And really all word coupling. I will do my best from now on to bundle blocks of words with the same starting letters. I intentionally did it more than two times last sentence to keep my covenant. It seems as though my blog will be using the thesaurus much more. And now I have lost patience with this.
I have had the fortune of being able to go to the skatepark three times this past week. This has been very exciting for me. Not only does it give me the opportunity to sweat profusely and wear pants when it is contraindicated, it allows me to meet people that also enjoy skateboarding. This is something that I have looked forward to for some time. I have managed to meet many men manipulating man-made plywood platforms, performing perilous stunts standing and sliding solely on slippery skateboards. Did that sentence make sense? Maybe. But really, that's the end of alliteration blog. Also I'm a literary genius. But really, meeting grown people with wives (one each), children (plausibly more than one), and houses (1+/- 1) gives me hope for the future. A future where I can be old and skate my miniramp that I built until my body gives out. A future where all the neighbor kids want to come skate my ramp and I chase them away with a broom, but it's really just a joke because I have 12 year old friends and I'm not even a Chester the child molester or anything, despite what my fantasy football team name and hidden file on my computer called "favorite books" might suggest. A future where I can continue to make poop jokes and write this blog forever, but somehow people actually respect me as an adult. I'm talking about having my cake and eating it too people. Because this is AMERICA and I should be able to dip my fried chicken fingers into fake cheese product sauce and then throw it up after so I can still be attractive and then when my teeth rot from the stomach acid exposure I get fake teeth that are even stronger and whiter than my old teeth and I don't even notice the difference after a few years. That's what I'm TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE. The real American dream isn't owning a house and giving your kids a better life than you had, because my life is totally awesome and I'm way less responsible than my parents; the American dream is about skateboarding into your forties up to the point that you need new legs and then they give you titanium robot legs that make you able to ollie way higher than you ever did before.
And THAT is the kind of rant you people come here for. Skateboarding, america, pedophilia, cake, prosthetics. This one had it all. Here's your gif. I'm out.
Did you guys know that commencement really means beginning? I love english so much. I was about to go on a rant about how much I hate english, but then I realized how unbelievably awesome it is. You know what it does? Puts us all up on a pedestal. Oh, you don't know how to speak the most confusing language known to man? You must be an idiot and get out of my country. And on top of that, America is so jacked that if you don't speak english you can't make it in international business/relations. The worst language has become the default language for international stuff. America is awesome. You know what the most logical international language would be? Norwegian. My boy Daniel, the only Norwegian guy I know, told me that Norwegian is close enough to Swedish and Danish that you can have conversations where one person is speaking Norwegian and the other person is speaking Danish/Swedish. You know what the coolest part about this little language love triangle is? It's really just a love angle, because people speaking Danish and Swedish can't understand each other. Danish and Swedish intersect at a point, and that point is Norwegian. How cool is that? That's like some super meta world peace stuff. I mean, of course if norwegian was the powerhouse language, then only people in those 3 slavic countries would benefit, but who cares? Also this is interesting. Literally the only 3 countries that I was going to name with English as it's national language don't have a national language. Freaking internet. You only show me the most useful information.
Moving on to my next thought, I would like to give my girl Brittany a shoutout for finishing ortho without needing a psych evaluation or picking up a drug habit. I know I tell you this all the time when you do things that don't merit pride at all, but for real I am actually so proud of you this time! They call you the musculoskeletal master. Nicknames are better with alliteration. As are real names. And really all word coupling. I will do my best from now on to bundle blocks of words with the same starting letters. I intentionally did it more than two times last sentence to keep my covenant. It seems as though my blog will be using the thesaurus much more. And now I have lost patience with this.
I have had the fortune of being able to go to the skatepark three times this past week. This has been very exciting for me. Not only does it give me the opportunity to sweat profusely and wear pants when it is contraindicated, it allows me to meet people that also enjoy skateboarding. This is something that I have looked forward to for some time. I have managed to meet many men manipulating man-made plywood platforms, performing perilous stunts standing and sliding solely on slippery skateboards. Did that sentence make sense? Maybe. But really, that's the end of alliteration blog. Also I'm a literary genius. But really, meeting grown people with wives (one each), children (plausibly more than one), and houses (1+/- 1) gives me hope for the future. A future where I can be old and skate my miniramp that I built until my body gives out. A future where all the neighbor kids want to come skate my ramp and I chase them away with a broom, but it's really just a joke because I have 12 year old friends and I'm not even a Chester the child molester or anything, despite what my fantasy football team name and hidden file on my computer called "favorite books" might suggest. A future where I can continue to make poop jokes and write this blog forever, but somehow people actually respect me as an adult. I'm talking about having my cake and eating it too people. Because this is AMERICA and I should be able to dip my fried chicken fingers into fake cheese product sauce and then throw it up after so I can still be attractive and then when my teeth rot from the stomach acid exposure I get fake teeth that are even stronger and whiter than my old teeth and I don't even notice the difference after a few years. That's what I'm TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE. The real American dream isn't owning a house and giving your kids a better life than you had, because my life is totally awesome and I'm way less responsible than my parents; the American dream is about skateboarding into your forties up to the point that you need new legs and then they give you titanium robot legs that make you able to ollie way higher than you ever did before.
And THAT is the kind of rant you people come here for. Skateboarding, america, pedophilia, cake, prosthetics. This one had it all. Here's your gif. I'm out.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
midterms are over
Well everyone, midterms are over now so I might be able to take a little time out to blog a bit more often. I know you're all super happy about that. You don't have to tell me, because I know you are. But you can tell me if you want. But you don't have to. But you can.
You know the best part about midterms being over? The increase in skateboarding time. I literally haven't skated in a month, and it's starting to eat my soul. Just so we're clear, non-skateboarding is the same as the dementors getting to you. Silly Dudley. You're so fat and not very smart. I wonder if JK Rowling will ever write another epilogue that explains Dudley's adult life. JV girls soccer coach, a couple DUI's, maybe a menial labor job? Who knows, they sky is the limit. And by the sky I mean bussing tables at sky bar. Cougars all day err day. And by that I mean Saturday nights 8-1am.
I would also like to tell all of you that I'm essentially an adult now. I started making my bed now that I live in a real place. I clean up after myself. I stay at school during my breaks and study (or blog). I listen to books on tape. The one thing that I don't like about having moved is my poop schedule. I used to go home every day at lunch and have a nice poop. But that is no more. I'm pooping in way too many different places at way too many times of the day. It used to be 11:10 every day. And now it's just a poop schedule that I used to know. So sad
Another huge update on my life: I started wearing short socks again. After about a year of wearing crew socks I recently decided to start wearing short socks again. My legs are so much cooler. Not really that much cooler but a little bit cooler. It's innovation. On a related note I really like 3/4 sleeve t shirts. For some reason my proximal upper extremity enjoys being covered more than my distal lower extremity these days. Ah, the mysteries of science. Maybe particle physicists will figure out someday why these things happen. But probably not. But maybe. Definitely not.
Well I hope all of you mature grad students out there are making it through your exams, because if I'm having exams you all must be having exams too. I refuse to be punished alone. Cameron, if you're reading this, I hope the west coast sucks and you are miserable. If you start thinking about making friends out there, remember what I taught you in college. NOBODY TALKS TO YOU. Here is your gif.
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You know the best part about midterms being over? The increase in skateboarding time. I literally haven't skated in a month, and it's starting to eat my soul. Just so we're clear, non-skateboarding is the same as the dementors getting to you. Silly Dudley. You're so fat and not very smart. I wonder if JK Rowling will ever write another epilogue that explains Dudley's adult life. JV girls soccer coach, a couple DUI's, maybe a menial labor job? Who knows, they sky is the limit. And by the sky I mean bussing tables at sky bar. Cougars all day err day. And by that I mean Saturday nights 8-1am.
I would also like to tell all of you that I'm essentially an adult now. I started making my bed now that I live in a real place. I clean up after myself. I stay at school during my breaks and study (or blog). I listen to books on tape. The one thing that I don't like about having moved is my poop schedule. I used to go home every day at lunch and have a nice poop. But that is no more. I'm pooping in way too many different places at way too many times of the day. It used to be 11:10 every day. And now it's just a poop schedule that I used to know. So sad
Another huge update on my life: I started wearing short socks again. After about a year of wearing crew socks I recently decided to start wearing short socks again. My legs are so much cooler. Not really that much cooler but a little bit cooler. It's innovation. On a related note I really like 3/4 sleeve t shirts. For some reason my proximal upper extremity enjoys being covered more than my distal lower extremity these days. Ah, the mysteries of science. Maybe particle physicists will figure out someday why these things happen. But probably not. But maybe. Definitely not.
Well I hope all of you mature grad students out there are making it through your exams, because if I'm having exams you all must be having exams too. I refuse to be punished alone. Cameron, if you're reading this, I hope the west coast sucks and you are miserable. If you start thinking about making friends out there, remember what I taught you in college. NOBODY TALKS TO YOU. Here is your gif.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
blaarrrrgggghh
Good evening one and all. Today is July 8th, and I will be blogging today. It has been a wild 10 days or so, and you all deserve the honor of learning about my life. I guess here goes it.
First and foremost, I have officially moved. I moved last Saturday to St. Charles, MO. Tis a silly place. I now live with 3 dudes (WE NEED MORE DUDES) and two dogs. Did I mention that I'm living with two dogs? Because I love my life. I also started listening to books on tape during my commute to school and packing changes of clothes for my various daily activities. Doing adult things, you know. Also I went an entire week without having a dresser, which was interesting. Just living like a hobo out of my bags, but also not like a hobo because of the HBO and air conditioning and credit cards. I have a feeling I'm going to like it here. I also have tv now! And I'm thinking about getting a rug for my room. I'm all grown up. But also not grown up at all.
Also, it was recently America Day, and I celebrated like every good American does, with barbecued food, beer from the keg, a 20-ish team cornhole tournament, and, of course, a big slip n slide. I sprayed people in the face with hoses while they slipped and slided for like 2 hours with my boy black doug. And, I should mention, Doug and I won the cornhole tournament. I should mention also that never before had a game of cornhole meant so much to so few. Never before has a game of cornhole been so insignificant. I'm sorry that nobody who reads this anymore knows what I'm talking about. That's just what you get here. Jokes that don't hit the target audience. Spray pee. And I'm a good bbqer
Also, I went on a camping/float trip a few weeks ago. I'm not sure if I blogged about this yet because it was a while ago, but I'll just say that we got to level 3 big time. I snapped one of these onto my own face, managed to lose my phone and my favorite new hat, and also have a lot of fun. Logan people will know all these stories already, but I would not like to post them on the internets. Feel free to ask me about them privately. The stories are good and the self-esteem is low. But seriously, camping is awesome and I need to do it way more. I like the woods.
Last week was also midterms. We had a lot of tests, and I did not like it. Friday I had 3 exams. I did not like that either. But seriously, this semester is already halfway over. How weird is that? Time flies when you're continually on the verge of heat exhaustion. That was a joke because we've been over 100 for 10 days now, and that is a high number of Fahrenheit degrees (for all my scandanavian readers, thats about 40 C, or about 313 K. Gotta know those conversions people. For Science.
Speaking of science, I assume you al heard about my boy Higgs and his Boson being found. Cost my boy Stephen Hawking 100 big boys. You know what's really cool? particle physics. You know what I'm probably not smart enough to comprehend? particle physics. I don't know what that higgs boson picture means. But it looks cool and I like the colors. It's so pretty. Also this weekend was harry potter weekend, and this week was star wars marathon. All the best movies were this week. Just in time to distract me from midterm activities. I've also encountered a lot of good gifs, but I'm sure that I won't be able to find any now that I need them. But here I will try. Good day to you all.
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| in honor of hp weekend |
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| and because it feels so right |
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
the blogpire strikes back
I am writing a blog today because of a recent facebook post by my boy mattbnot. I told him, if you remind him, he will blog. And THE BLOGGER DELIVERS. Blog to all of your faces
Let's see, what has happened since my last blog besides EVERYTHING IMPORTANT EVER. But seriously only like 1 thing has happened. I went home and got to hang out with my niece. I will not be posting pictures onto this website to preserve her innocence. Although, most of this blog is incoherent and about poop, so at her current state the two are very similar. Poop and squirming around. And I must say, I have never been more impressed or psyched on something that does so little. Ever seen a baby's poop face? Do yourself a favor and go hang out with a baby and watch them poop. Hands down funniest thing I've seen in at least a month. Uber concentration and maximal contraction. And she even tucks her knees up toward her chest to get a proper trajectory. If that's not evidence that we share a common ancestor with monkeys, nothing is. Monkeys throw poop and humans try to poop cannon from birth. You can't explain that. Except you can. Evolution!
I feel like I should comment on the heat thunder game last night. Did Lebron really go out with cramps in the fourth quarter? I haven't read anything about it yet, but it seems as though he sat out the last 3 minutes of the game with cramps. First of all, basketball is so incredibly undemanding that it's shocking that anyone who has been casually playing for longer than like 2 weeks would cramp up. Secondly, CRAMPS? are you kidding me? Put down your pregame book and eat a freaking banana or something. And somehow he's healthy enough to knock down a spot up 3 one second and then completely incapable of playing 2 seconds later? Ok I just read that it really was cramps. That's absurd. Is he systemically hypoxic or does he have some sort of endocrine disease that would lead to some freak electrolyte deficiency? You get a break like every 3 minutes in your sport. How are you not in good enough shape to not get cramps? We talkin bout cramps. Not a sprain, not a strain. Cramps. See what I did there? I wish I could like Lebron so I wouldn't look like such a whiner, but come on. We talkin bout cramps. Mario Chalmers is good though. Dude's from alaska. Looks pretty alaskan to me, I guess.
I am going camping this weekend, and I am also going to shoot guns and go fishing. Jealous? You better be unless your name is Doug or Kelly, in which case you will be doing all those things with me and you have no need to be jealous. Also it's gonna be like 97 out this weekend, which gives me a 65% chance of dying by sunday. So thats pretty awesome. Add that to the guns, and I have a 66% chance of dying this weekend. Put these in the optimal order: Beers, camping, gun shooting, fishing, river floating, soccer. If you picked any order that put Beers after gun shooting, congratulations! You are still alive. If you picked the opposite of that, congratulations! You now know the answer to the timeless question, "what happens to people when they die?" and also you are dead so you can't tell anyone. Sucks dude. I love shooting guns. This is gonna be awesome. This weekend is gonna be awesome. Any time I'm not in lecture is awesome. Awesome. Time to google awesome and post the first picture that shows up.
It's already stupid hot around here. like 90's err day. And I'm gonna punish myself today by going for a run outside. but then I will be unpunished because I will be beering and pooling myself after. Oh summer semester, you saucy minx you. Punishing me with endless hours of lecture that paradoxically eventually end and then you unpunish me with beers and pool time. You get in my head and give me a lobotomy and then give me stem cell therapy to regenerate lost neurons in an experimental treatment that hasn't been shown to succeed except by anecdotal evidence. It's a story as old as time.
Let's see, what has happened since my last blog besides EVERYTHING IMPORTANT EVER. But seriously only like 1 thing has happened. I went home and got to hang out with my niece. I will not be posting pictures onto this website to preserve her innocence. Although, most of this blog is incoherent and about poop, so at her current state the two are very similar. Poop and squirming around. And I must say, I have never been more impressed or psyched on something that does so little. Ever seen a baby's poop face? Do yourself a favor and go hang out with a baby and watch them poop. Hands down funniest thing I've seen in at least a month. Uber concentration and maximal contraction. And she even tucks her knees up toward her chest to get a proper trajectory. If that's not evidence that we share a common ancestor with monkeys, nothing is. Monkeys throw poop and humans try to poop cannon from birth. You can't explain that. Except you can. Evolution!
I feel like I should comment on the heat thunder game last night. Did Lebron really go out with cramps in the fourth quarter? I haven't read anything about it yet, but it seems as though he sat out the last 3 minutes of the game with cramps. First of all, basketball is so incredibly undemanding that it's shocking that anyone who has been casually playing for longer than like 2 weeks would cramp up. Secondly, CRAMPS? are you kidding me? Put down your pregame book and eat a freaking banana or something. And somehow he's healthy enough to knock down a spot up 3 one second and then completely incapable of playing 2 seconds later? Ok I just read that it really was cramps. That's absurd. Is he systemically hypoxic or does he have some sort of endocrine disease that would lead to some freak electrolyte deficiency? You get a break like every 3 minutes in your sport. How are you not in good enough shape to not get cramps? We talkin bout cramps. Not a sprain, not a strain. Cramps. See what I did there? I wish I could like Lebron so I wouldn't look like such a whiner, but come on. We talkin bout cramps. Mario Chalmers is good though. Dude's from alaska. Looks pretty alaskan to me, I guess.
I am going camping this weekend, and I am also going to shoot guns and go fishing. Jealous? You better be unless your name is Doug or Kelly, in which case you will be doing all those things with me and you have no need to be jealous. Also it's gonna be like 97 out this weekend, which gives me a 65% chance of dying by sunday. So thats pretty awesome. Add that to the guns, and I have a 66% chance of dying this weekend. Put these in the optimal order: Beers, camping, gun shooting, fishing, river floating, soccer. If you picked any order that put Beers after gun shooting, congratulations! You are still alive. If you picked the opposite of that, congratulations! You now know the answer to the timeless question, "what happens to people when they die?" and also you are dead so you can't tell anyone. Sucks dude. I love shooting guns. This is gonna be awesome. This weekend is gonna be awesome. Any time I'm not in lecture is awesome. Awesome. Time to google awesome and post the first picture that shows up.
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| I also like the 80's |
The last thing I would like to touch on before I go back to lab to learn how to auscultate hearts like a big boy is the euro cup. Today is the first day withuot a euro cup game in almost 2 weeks. I already feel the withdrawal. What am I going to do once euro cup is gone? Talk to people during lunch? Pretend to care about gymnastics olympics qualifying? Guys, this isn't the winter olympics ok? There's no curling, so stop trying to hype it up. Wait a second. They have field hockey in the summer olympics. MEN'S field hockey. Count me in. But more about euro cup. Every lunch period we inevitably had about 15 soccer dudes watching the game, and then like 12 guys who have never played in their lives watching with us. Here is what I don't get about people who don't watch or play soccer. How do you have an opinion on soccer? How is it that people manage to have an opinion on things they know literally nothing about? I don't have an opinion on African fashion or southeast asian politics. I don't have an opinion on 26-dimension vs 10 dimension string theory. Do your brain a favor and stop trying to talk to me about why you don't like soccer. "I hate that they dive. Why don't they just shoot the ball? Why can't you just run the ball down the field by yourself? Why are they passing backwards? What's with those stupid haircuts?" Alright I'll give you that they have stupid hair. But that's more of a europe thing than it is a soccer thing. Asia is worse.
OK I have to go back to school now. Keep reminding me and I will keep blogging. Remember what that ghost said to Kevin Costner in the book that Field of Dreams spoofed, "Blog of Dreams": If you remind him, he will blog. Here's your gif.
finding a gif is always the hardest part
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| Asians. |
Thursday, May 31, 2012
So it's been two weeks
I honestly can't believe it's been 2 weeks since my last post. What have I been doing, you ask? You know, class, working, looking for a new place (which I found and will be discussing later), going on awesome trips, living the dream, and also doing other things. Sometimes you gotta grow up and actually do things with your time instead of sitting on your uncomfortable couch and writing nonsense into the internet. But only sometimes. And that sometimes is not now. SO without further ado, here is some discussion about poop.
I have had an absurd poop schedule the last 3 days. But before I discuss that, I have to tell you about my weekend. I only pooped twice from friday at one until monday at 6. I was in Ohio at my girl Anna's lake house, and I didnt want to punish her parents or any of the 5 dogs there, so I just held my poops until times where nobody would be bothered by them. Which ended up being two times. In the 24 hours starting at 6pm central time on Monday, I pooped 4 times. As most of you probably know, I'm like a 8 poops a week kind of guy. Simple math will tell you that was a LOT of poops(SFL). And since then I'm on like a 3 poops a day schedule. I thought at first I just had a lot of poop saved up from the weekend, but I see now that I clearly have AIDS and I'm going to die soon. So if you don't hear from me, assume the worst.
Another thing I would be remiss to not mention: I think I found where I am going to live for the next 16 months or so. And it is a seriously grownup house. I'm talking clean carpets, sinks, toilets, and people who aren't currently full time students residing inside. And, the best part, TWO dogs living on the premises. Guess how many dogs I would have settled for: 0. But I get two. You know what that means? I'm in dude. You had me at two dogs. I could multiply the number of dogs I would have settled for by a freaking infinity and not even made two dogs. Given, I would be using the worst possible math function for this situation, but that's ok because I made my point. And one of them is named ZEUS (yeah that dog is hercules, but that means this dog is technically his dad). I don't even remember the other one's name because zeus is such a kickass name. I'm gonna play the crap out of those dogs, and then help clean up the poop because I'm gonna live in a nice house. Boom I'm an adult. And this also means I get to get rid of a bunch of stuff. I think I'm gonna put it all into boxes and try to sell it to some of those dudes on the pawn shop shows. And then they'll be screwed because I have nothing valuable. Suck it pawn guys.
Oh I suppose the most important thing that has happened in the past two weeks is that my niece was born. And that is why they call me uncle drew, in case those of you have been confused by my facebook status. She is 6 days old, and already partying like a boss. She sleeps with her hands above her head, so clearly all that party rap Bridget listened to during pregnancy paid off because she is clearly throwing her hands in the air, and she does not appear to care. I will not be posting pictures of her on here, but if you wanna see some, just ask me and you can get a picture text. Unless you are Zisk, in which case I will be sending it to you anyway so you can be punished. I have also heard that she poops a lot, so we are going to get along great. She has apparently already gone through 4 successive diapers within the amount of time it takes to change 4 diapers. And I am given to believe that she has tried to pee on my mom as well, so that's something we have in common. I think me and my girl Emily (who I will be calling Ice Box) are gonna be tight. I bet she tries to puke on me in two weeks when I go home to visit. I will high five her. She will call me "uncle Jew" and then I will teach her about anti-semitism and world war 2 and how the holocaust was not cool. And then she will learn how to pronounce her R's. All in one weekend. I have some historical reading to do.
I have had some weird dreams during my poop-infested last couple days. The one I remember the most is the one where I kept dropping all my skateboards into the lake, and lake monsters kept trying to take it from me. Also I had a really cool car and my friend Mike was there. Obviously the lake represents the abyss that is grad school, and dropping my boards represents that I need to drop out of school and commit full time to skateboarding so that I can be a bum who is OK at skating. Also I learned how to wakeboard this weekend, so that could be it. Lake. Boards. Monsters. One eyed monsters. I'm probably gay now. That's what most dreams mean anyway. Sorry Brit.
As usual, here is where I promise to try to blog more, but we all know that I may not succeed. I appreciate all of your patience and I hope that I can live up to your expectations. But mostly suck it I'm in grad school and I have stuff to do, but also don't suck it I'm gonna try. I'm gonna have a couple gifs for you today because my boy Tim dropped me a dime-piece today on the book of faces, and I like to give you a little gif of my own. So thank you Tim, both for the gif and for using it as a subtle hint to write a freaking blog already. I hope you have enjoyed my (non)jokes about teaching my infant niece about mass murder. Here are your gifs.
OK you get 3 because this last one is really funny too. But also I cry evr tim.
I have had an absurd poop schedule the last 3 days. But before I discuss that, I have to tell you about my weekend. I only pooped twice from friday at one until monday at 6. I was in Ohio at my girl Anna's lake house, and I didnt want to punish her parents or any of the 5 dogs there, so I just held my poops until times where nobody would be bothered by them. Which ended up being two times. In the 24 hours starting at 6pm central time on Monday, I pooped 4 times. As most of you probably know, I'm like a 8 poops a week kind of guy. Simple math will tell you that was a LOT of poops(SFL). And since then I'm on like a 3 poops a day schedule. I thought at first I just had a lot of poop saved up from the weekend, but I see now that I clearly have AIDS and I'm going to die soon. So if you don't hear from me, assume the worst.
Another thing I would be remiss to not mention: I think I found where I am going to live for the next 16 months or so. And it is a seriously grownup house. I'm talking clean carpets, sinks, toilets, and people who aren't currently full time students residing inside. And, the best part, TWO dogs living on the premises. Guess how many dogs I would have settled for: 0. But I get two. You know what that means? I'm in dude. You had me at two dogs. I could multiply the number of dogs I would have settled for by a freaking infinity and not even made two dogs. Given, I would be using the worst possible math function for this situation, but that's ok because I made my point. And one of them is named ZEUS (yeah that dog is hercules, but that means this dog is technically his dad). I don't even remember the other one's name because zeus is such a kickass name. I'm gonna play the crap out of those dogs, and then help clean up the poop because I'm gonna live in a nice house. Boom I'm an adult. And this also means I get to get rid of a bunch of stuff. I think I'm gonna put it all into boxes and try to sell it to some of those dudes on the pawn shop shows. And then they'll be screwed because I have nothing valuable. Suck it pawn guys.
Oh I suppose the most important thing that has happened in the past two weeks is that my niece was born. And that is why they call me uncle drew, in case those of you have been confused by my facebook status. She is 6 days old, and already partying like a boss. She sleeps with her hands above her head, so clearly all that party rap Bridget listened to during pregnancy paid off because she is clearly throwing her hands in the air, and she does not appear to care. I will not be posting pictures of her on here, but if you wanna see some, just ask me and you can get a picture text. Unless you are Zisk, in which case I will be sending it to you anyway so you can be punished. I have also heard that she poops a lot, so we are going to get along great. She has apparently already gone through 4 successive diapers within the amount of time it takes to change 4 diapers. And I am given to believe that she has tried to pee on my mom as well, so that's something we have in common. I think me and my girl Emily (who I will be calling Ice Box) are gonna be tight. I bet she tries to puke on me in two weeks when I go home to visit. I will high five her. She will call me "uncle Jew" and then I will teach her about anti-semitism and world war 2 and how the holocaust was not cool. And then she will learn how to pronounce her R's. All in one weekend. I have some historical reading to do.
I have had some weird dreams during my poop-infested last couple days. The one I remember the most is the one where I kept dropping all my skateboards into the lake, and lake monsters kept trying to take it from me. Also I had a really cool car and my friend Mike was there. Obviously the lake represents the abyss that is grad school, and dropping my boards represents that I need to drop out of school and commit full time to skateboarding so that I can be a bum who is OK at skating. Also I learned how to wakeboard this weekend, so that could be it. Lake. Boards. Monsters. One eyed monsters. I'm probably gay now. That's what most dreams mean anyway. Sorry Brit.
As usual, here is where I promise to try to blog more, but we all know that I may not succeed. I appreciate all of your patience and I hope that I can live up to your expectations. But mostly suck it I'm in grad school and I have stuff to do, but also don't suck it I'm gonna try. I'm gonna have a couple gifs for you today because my boy Tim dropped me a dime-piece today on the book of faces, and I like to give you a little gif of my own. So thank you Tim, both for the gif and for using it as a subtle hint to write a freaking blog already. I hope you have enjoyed my (non)jokes about teaching my infant niece about mass murder. Here are your gifs.
OK you get 3 because this last one is really funny too. But also I cry evr tim.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Yo dog
So school is back in full swing here in the midwest. And with that so is my quest for a new place to live. I went last night to check out this house that I may or may not live in for the next 16 months. I got there and the girl who owns the house looked like 25 maybe? Weird right? she owns the place by herself. Pretty awesome. She also had her friend over, and I didnt really think twice about it butin retrospect it was definitely so I couldn't just kill her and steal her stuff. I would have to kill at least 2 people quickly and quietly in a quiet neighborhood for that to work out. Pretty good idea on her part. It made me think that maybe I should have gone with somebody too, to make sure nobody raped me either. But then I remembered, I'm super jacked and super tan, so I don't have to worry about that. To those of you not familiar with that man, I'll see you in school tomorrow. But the more I think about finding a place to live on craigslist, the more I like it. I'm gonna live with complete strangers in a house in a place that I know nobody. I'm essentially going on the real world, but probably with less racial diversity. I'll be the crazy one from Boston who's always fighting people and my new landlord/roommate will be the white girl who always causes drama and I don't know what my other potential roommate will be, but I can assure you that he will fill a niche in the story playing out 100% in my head. I know those pictures didn't totally make sense, but they made sense to my internal monologue, and that's what you came here for, so let's move on to something else.
Being back in school reminds me why I really don't know why I go to school. Sure I'm gonna end up doing something really cool, but I'm also wasting my early twenties in the dark trying to not get caught looking at stuff I'm not that interested in reading on my phone. Except on days like today when I got to go to the skatepark for like 2.5 hours and learn how to skate bowls. That's a good day. But in all seriousness, who else really just wants to drop out and be a complete leach to society with me? I'm talking welfare, food stamps, spending it all on skateboard equipment and then never actually get any better at skating, just stockpile skateboards in my government supplied studio apartment. I'm talking wasting all my potential and letting people use me as an example about how our generation has no work ethic even though most of us will have to work harder than our parents for a less promising future. THANKS BABY BOOMERS THAT WAS SO NICE OF YOU I REALLY APPRECIATE YOU LOOKING OUT FOR US I'M SERIOUS YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST. I'm talking taking loans out for a business that I don't plan on starting, blowing it all on ring pops and then defaulting on my loan payments and declaring bankruptcy, only to work really hard to get my credit back up and do it again. Let's do it guys. What's that? That's a terrible idea and I'm already halfway done with grad school so I should just suck it up for another 18 months? Alright I suppose you're right. You guys are always so helpful. I don't know what I would do without you. Probably never even think of these things to begin with because I wouldn't write this stupid blog to entertain you all so that you can have a moment of joy in your otherwise life-sucking graduate school existence. And on that note congratulations to Brittany for finishing finals today! WOOOOOO! You're already a year in and you're doing so great yaaaaaaaaay! (But really, we all hate ourselves too. You're not alone, although I am really worried about you and I think you should probably go for a second psych eval). You see that joke was funny! But really if you want that off the internet that can be arranged. For a price. No filter EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
The summer has officially begun. I know it's not that hot back on the east coast but it's hot here so it's time for some celebration. So on that note I will be leaving you, but not before I drop a gif. Ch-Ch-Checking this out!
Thursday, May 10, 2012
I'm overdue
I'M BACK TODAY EVERYONE! HAVEN'T YOU ALL MISSED ME? What's that? I havent blogged in like 3 weeks and you're giving me the cold shoulder to punish my transgressions? Well thats too bad for you, because I can never tell if you read this crap anyway and I'm gonna be writing the same nonsense anyway! BOOYAKASHA
Well a lot has happened since my last blog. And by a lot I mean I have done almost nothing. And it has been GLORIOUS. Do you know how nice it is to literally have 0 important things to do for almost a month? It is pretty nice. I have liked it. Let's see, what can I tell you about? I passed boards, so that was cool. The scores were up for about 10 days before I got around to checking them, so that was good too. They call me the cool cucumber. On a related note, I got 3 new pairs of pants today. So now I get to throw away all my pants with holes in the crotch. And by throw away I mean cut into shorts, even though that won't at all fix the crotch hole. But cutoff shorts are too funny to not have, so that's a plus. And I get to be as trendy as this bad boy right here, so I'm gonna be rocking it all summer long. But we all know that in reality I will look like this. This is gonna be a good blog.
So I'm sure most of you have heard that my boy Barack has supported the gays marrying. And I gotta say I've enjoyed reading people's facebook posts about it. Because really that's the important thing in life; reading the comments section. Most of the time I don't even bother reading articles anymore, I just read the comments, because that's where you get the realness. What I really want to know is what Anonymous thinks about Obama's real secret agenda is and how he wants to make a time machine to go back and make America lose WW2, and also I want to know why libocrat644 thinks it's the Republicans fault that we don't have universal money fountains for people making less than $250,000 a year. But seriously, don't real comments sections. You'll never get out. It's the black hole of the internet. SPEAKING ABOUT BLACK HOLES, I've been reading Stephen Hawking's "A brief history of time" very slowly because I've been taking a lot of naps, and IT IS SO FREAKING GOOD. You know what a black hole is for real? Because I didn't until yesterday. It's a star that has collapsed into such a dense body that no light can escape it's gravitational field. Because GRAVITY BENDS LIGHT. Also science is freaking cool. Really go read that book it's unreal. Your mind will be blown. And if it's not then, well,
Seriously though. Read it. Relativity. It's super cool. I had to read the paragraph on space-time like 5 times, and I still don't even really 100% get it. Freaking Einstein and stuff. It's pretty awesome.
I also got a new pair of running shoes this past week or so. They are unbelievable. Buy new balance shoes. They literally feel like running on clouds, but if that clouds were made of elastin and also had contractile properties that doubly sprung you forward with every step. I'M THE FASTEST MAN ALIVE. But really I'm not. But maybe in an alternate universe I am. I am all things, and I am nothing. BOOM philosophized. Put that on a picture of Carl Sagan and put it in the internet, because I'm deep bro.
I had a sad realization today. And by today I mean 2 days ago. May 8th, 2012. I'm moving out of my apartment in early July, and that means that I will probably be sharing a bathroom. And that means that my individual toilet paper usage counting will be coming to an end. End of an era. That means I'm gonna have to find some other new strange thing to write about here. I am so sorry to all the loyal fans of toilet paper counter. I promise to continue being strange enough on a regular basis to entertain you during your long hours in lecture. Because all my readers are grad students. And on that note I will have to leave you to go skateboarding. Because I'm going to hang out with my boy Andy tomorrow and it is of the utmost importance that I can do tricks. So here is your gif.
Well a lot has happened since my last blog. And by a lot I mean I have done almost nothing. And it has been GLORIOUS. Do you know how nice it is to literally have 0 important things to do for almost a month? It is pretty nice. I have liked it. Let's see, what can I tell you about? I passed boards, so that was cool. The scores were up for about 10 days before I got around to checking them, so that was good too. They call me the cool cucumber. On a related note, I got 3 new pairs of pants today. So now I get to throw away all my pants with holes in the crotch. And by throw away I mean cut into shorts, even though that won't at all fix the crotch hole. But cutoff shorts are too funny to not have, so that's a plus. And I get to be as trendy as this bad boy right here, so I'm gonna be rocking it all summer long. But we all know that in reality I will look like this. This is gonna be a good blog.
So I'm sure most of you have heard that my boy Barack has supported the gays marrying. And I gotta say I've enjoyed reading people's facebook posts about it. Because really that's the important thing in life; reading the comments section. Most of the time I don't even bother reading articles anymore, I just read the comments, because that's where you get the realness. What I really want to know is what Anonymous thinks about Obama's real secret agenda is and how he wants to make a time machine to go back and make America lose WW2, and also I want to know why libocrat644 thinks it's the Republicans fault that we don't have universal money fountains for people making less than $250,000 a year. But seriously, don't real comments sections. You'll never get out. It's the black hole of the internet. SPEAKING ABOUT BLACK HOLES, I've been reading Stephen Hawking's "A brief history of time" very slowly because I've been taking a lot of naps, and IT IS SO FREAKING GOOD. You know what a black hole is for real? Because I didn't until yesterday. It's a star that has collapsed into such a dense body that no light can escape it's gravitational field. Because GRAVITY BENDS LIGHT. Also science is freaking cool. Really go read that book it's unreal. Your mind will be blown. And if it's not then, well,
Seriously though. Read it. Relativity. It's super cool. I had to read the paragraph on space-time like 5 times, and I still don't even really 100% get it. Freaking Einstein and stuff. It's pretty awesome.
I also got a new pair of running shoes this past week or so. They are unbelievable. Buy new balance shoes. They literally feel like running on clouds, but if that clouds were made of elastin and also had contractile properties that doubly sprung you forward with every step. I'M THE FASTEST MAN ALIVE. But really I'm not. But maybe in an alternate universe I am. I am all things, and I am nothing. BOOM philosophized. Put that on a picture of Carl Sagan and put it in the internet, because I'm deep bro.
I had a sad realization today. And by today I mean 2 days ago. May 8th, 2012. I'm moving out of my apartment in early July, and that means that I will probably be sharing a bathroom. And that means that my individual toilet paper usage counting will be coming to an end. End of an era. That means I'm gonna have to find some other new strange thing to write about here. I am so sorry to all the loyal fans of toilet paper counter. I promise to continue being strange enough on a regular basis to entertain you during your long hours in lecture. Because all my readers are grad students. And on that note I will have to leave you to go skateboarding. Because I'm going to hang out with my boy Andy tomorrow and it is of the utmost importance that I can do tricks. So here is your gif.
Friday, April 20, 2012
now I am done with class for a little while.
I have some things to say today. I am officially done with finals now for tri 5. That is nice. I also ended up doing better than I thought I would do this tri, with the exception of one class. Woops. But still, I made deans list so I can't be too mad. BE PROUD OF ME. Also, I decided to finally give in to all the peer pressure and get a twitter, so you can all stop hassling me about it. See what I did there, because nobody actually ever told me to get one but by saying that it makes you all think that everyone else was trying to get me on twitter. @drew_lowey. Get @ me (see what I did there again?). It's probably gonna end up being my new favorite time killer. I love killing time. I also have one more thing to add. Next paragraph!
I cannot wait to see "Chimpanzee". It is gonna be so freaking awesome. I'm gonna laugh, I'm gonna cry, I'm gonna watch monkeys run around and stuff for about 90 minutes. It is gonna kill it so hard. Also I'm psyched to finally get to start skating again over break. There's a lot of stuff I'm psyched on right now. It's gonna be a good time. But really you all should definitely watch that trailer. If you like good things, you will probably enjoy that trailer. Actually I'm gonna have to cut this blog short but for real, help me get addicted to twitter because I need to improve my self esteem in a dependent, shallow way. You know, 2012 style. Time to go work out because I feel pretty freaking fat after the day I had yesterday So much celebration. I like to celebrate. Also shoutout to Brittany because you always get psyched when you get shouted at. And you know what, shoutout to matt and tim and spfp too, because I think you guys still read this. Be on the lookout for all the blogs because I'm gonna be at brit's for a week and she has class and stuff. So selfish. Word. Here's your gif. These are all funny. GIFs for the win.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
its finals weeek
here's your gif. Don't bother me for a real blog. You will enjoy this gif and you will not complain about it. I HAVE A TEST IN a reasonable amount of hours,
Soon I will be done, and doing this dance. Cash Rules Everything Around Me. Get the money. Dolla dolla bill y'all. Also poop jokes.
Soon I will be done, and doing this dance. Cash Rules Everything Around Me. Get the money. Dolla dolla bill y'all. Also poop jokes.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Zisking blog
so it's time for a quick zisk blog, since I was just taking a break from studying and came across something too funny on reddit to not share with you all. This goes out, not surprisingly, to my boy zisk, who I'm pretty sure beat pokemon at least twice sophomore year. Oh man. too funny. POKEMON!
So I only have one more week till this semester is over, and I'm pretty happy about it. Soon I'll be a big bad tri 6. Look at this guy over here, doing doctor stuff. Also, I have an awesome story to tell you all. It was ZE GREATEST GOAL IN ALL ZE VORLD! I scored the best goal of my life yesterday. I had a bouncing ball like 4 yards from goal right in front of our goalie, and i could tell I could pop it over his head. So I decided, like everyone does on occasion, to be super cheeky and do something awesome. So I did this. (go to 3:23). I did one of those, and popped it over the goalie's head. Goal. Killed it. But of course, someone had to go and overshadow me later. And by overshadow I mean someone (Shaun) got hit in the genitals very hard. So obviously that took priority. We have fun here at Logan. If you're not living, you're dying. Work hard play hard. I'll sleep when I'm dead. All work and no play makes Drew a dull boy. I'm being inspirational here, work with me people.
I'm struggling with an extraordinary existential dilemma recently. Should I or should I not cut my hair? Part of me really wants to grow it out and see what happens, and the other half of me is Jewish. Part of me wants a pony tail, and the other half has already decided that I will be doomed to Vader-esque helmet hair the rest of my days. So basically what I'm getting at is that I should cut my hair but I'm holding out in hopes that maybe my budding jewfro will do something mildly attractive. But hey, who cares because I have a girlfriend so I don't have to try anymore! That's definitely advantage #1 to being in a long distance relationship (and by #1 I mean the only advantage, when compared to short distance. See Brit I clarified so now you don't get to be fake mad at me! except for at that last comment. you can be mad at that one). Don't want to shower today? That's cool, as long as you're ok with sleeping in butt-smelling sheets. That's what febreeze is for! That's my meme quota for this blog. INTERNET!
Also one more thing: I think I'm gonna make a twitter. It's starting to look like too much fun to not be on. I love hashtags. They're just funny. So be on the lookout for that, because that should be interesting.
Alright well it's time to learn about hematocrit and stuff now. It's just science and stuff, no big deal. Here's your gif. For some reason this is really funny to me.
So I only have one more week till this semester is over, and I'm pretty happy about it. Soon I'll be a big bad tri 6. Look at this guy over here, doing doctor stuff. Also, I have an awesome story to tell you all. It was ZE GREATEST GOAL IN ALL ZE VORLD! I scored the best goal of my life yesterday. I had a bouncing ball like 4 yards from goal right in front of our goalie, and i could tell I could pop it over his head. So I decided, like everyone does on occasion, to be super cheeky and do something awesome. So I did this. (go to 3:23). I did one of those, and popped it over the goalie's head. Goal. Killed it. But of course, someone had to go and overshadow me later. And by overshadow I mean someone (Shaun) got hit in the genitals very hard. So obviously that took priority. We have fun here at Logan. If you're not living, you're dying. Work hard play hard. I'll sleep when I'm dead. All work and no play makes Drew a dull boy. I'm being inspirational here, work with me people.
I'm struggling with an extraordinary existential dilemma recently. Should I or should I not cut my hair? Part of me really wants to grow it out and see what happens, and the other half of me is Jewish. Part of me wants a pony tail, and the other half has already decided that I will be doomed to Vader-esque helmet hair the rest of my days. So basically what I'm getting at is that I should cut my hair but I'm holding out in hopes that maybe my budding jewfro will do something mildly attractive. But hey, who cares because I have a girlfriend so I don't have to try anymore! That's definitely advantage #1 to being in a long distance relationship (and by #1 I mean the only advantage, when compared to short distance. See Brit I clarified so now you don't get to be fake mad at me! except for at that last comment. you can be mad at that one). Don't want to shower today? That's cool, as long as you're ok with sleeping in butt-smelling sheets. That's what febreeze is for! That's my meme quota for this blog. INTERNET!
Also one more thing: I think I'm gonna make a twitter. It's starting to look like too much fun to not be on. I love hashtags. They're just funny. So be on the lookout for that, because that should be interesting.
Alright well it's time to learn about hematocrit and stuff now. It's just science and stuff, no big deal. Here's your gif. For some reason this is really funny to me.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
mandatory easter blog
I was asked to write a blog fo real, so I decided that today would be a good day to do it, since I'm putting off studying and all. But really, I've done about 1.5 hours of work over the past 4 hours. So that's good. At least something got done. here's your blog.
It feels right to be back here, laying in my bed, supported by pillows, writing another glorious blog for all of you. I know I've been busy this semester doing stuff that involves not writing blogs, but truth be told, I've really missed you all. And by you all I mean typing mindlessly into this white box surrounded by an off-white border.
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| you've all been inceptioned |
So I guess we should really get down to it. What have I been doing? How have I been? Have I gone through another toilet paper roll? How are my ants? All valid questions. And I will answer them all. Not much. OK. No. Good.
Now that we're all caught up, I feel as though I should start on a fresh, but relevant topic: my love of Easter. And not even in a sarcastic, "I'm not religious but I'm going to make fun of you for being religious on my blog" kind of way. No. This is, of course, about Cadbury eggs. Only the greatest candy of all time. And you know what the best time to buy cadbury eggs is? The day after Easter. Tomorrow, I am planning on spending my entire latest paycheck of $61.52 on Cadbury eggs, and then get completely chocolate wasted. By the way, "Jack and Jill" got some prestigious awards recently. So really what this all comes down to is the ratio in which I buy creme eggs to caramel eggs. obviously I'm buying more creme than caramel, but how many more? How often and I going to have to eat a caramel egg to cleanse my palate for more creme? I'm willing to take suggestions, but my guess is I'll end up with about a 2.2:1 ratio. Because I will be buying at least 22 creme eggs. I'm trying to punish my teeth. Also I like Charleston chews.
Speaking of my teeth, I just bought a tongue scraper. I very rarely care about my personal hygiene, but I was completely disgusted with the stuff that came off of my tongue yesterday. And I even brush my tongue on a regular basis. Didn't matter. My tongue has never looked healthier than it did post tongue scraping. I had been in the market for a tongue scraper for months now, but I did not realize that I could get one at walmart, which was obviously a huge mistake on my part. Because when you can buy both baby formula and assault rifles at a store, you better believe they have tongue scrapers too. I just tried to think of a joke about a baby and assault rifle store and I could not think of a good one. either I'm rusty at the blog game right now or there really is no good, at least mildly tasteful way to make like a "rifles-R-us" joke or something like that. yay photoshop!
So this is the first time I can remember where I was not home for easter, which means I am missing out on a super good meal at the fancy table at my parents' house. Here is what I have consumed today so far: bowl of cereal, 2 oranges, chips and salsa, crackers and hummus, and an undisclosed amount of water. I will probably have the cheesiest for dinner, because I got the blues. Boom. Back on my game. But seriously, I don't think I would have any real attachment for any holiday if not for the glorious meals that always accompany them. And the best part is the buildup. Every fall, as it gets colder, everything starts reminding me of turkey. Warmth literally smells like hot dogs. Snow flakes don't reflect rainbows, just a giant ham in the sky. The only bad thing about these glorious meals is that I inevitably spill something red and fast-absorbing on my nicest clothes. Basically what I'm saying is that I haven't perfected the "balance things on your fork for long enough to get it to your mouth" thing. Also I failed the closed eyes nose touching test this semester when my boy Dr. black doug tested my cerebellar function. I may or may not have a congenital cerebellar disorder. Or maybe I've just had one too many minor (read major) head traumas. Now I want ham. Mom, you better save me some of that ham from this afternoon for 3 weeks until I get home. Who am I kidding, my parents eat next to no food. I'm gonna have a whole ham to myself. So what I'm really trying to say with all of this is happy easter.
This semester is coming to a close pretty soon, and it's been a wild one. If you all don't mind I would like to take a while to have a montage to the song "graduation" by vitamin C. Now if you could, turn that song on and read the next few lines very slowly, and have pictures fade in and out as I mention them. Soft zoom out from my inquisitive look. Indoor soccer. Reddit. That two weeks where I went to the gym. That first weekend I went to Brian's apartment and found that hubcap on the street. The patriots lost the superbowl and then gisele whined about wes welker not being able to catch. Guatemala trip. Chicago with brittany. Midterms and stuff. That time that all of a sudden it was spring on february 20th or so. Bow tie wearing. Being really poor. Going to trivia. Boards. Whatever happened that night after boards. Punishing myself. Having a suspicious number of distal forearm cuts. Brittany came to visit. Being too poor to play golf. Realizing that monday and tuesday of next week are going to be a huge beatdown. Writing this blog to avoid my future problems. Zoom back in. song fades out. It's been a good semester, kind of. I forgot to brush my teeth this morning. Fortunately I haven't really got out of bed yet so it's technically still morning. And on that note, I think I should leave you. I hope to write another blog soon, but as usual, no guarantees. After school ends I should have a solid couple weeks of blogs. Especially while I'm at Brit's and she's being punished in class. Here's your gif.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Guess what me and Brittany have done this week
Figured I'd give you love birds a quick post for Fridays sake. Here is what I did yesterday.
Brittany is visiting this week, so of course we did what we had been waiting to do since last time we saw each other: go on slides. We went to city museum yesterday and there are so many slides. We climbed and slid down every place in that entire building. Major knee beat down but super awesome too. There were a whole bunch of little kids and I was doing some minor physical activity, so of course I was the creepy sweaty old guy running around with a bunch of little kids. It was cool. Parents weren't weirded out by me at all. Seeing a grown man crawl around in small holes and caves and stuff with your 7 year old daughter is probably a pretty standard occurrence.
But that's not the only thing me and Brittany had been waiting to do. We also made meatballs this week. Meatballs are pretty awesome. I could eat those things all day err day. Easily the most ingenious way to cook ground beef. When was ground beef invented? That seems like a pretty new thing. Meat paste. God I love this planet. Hey is your meat's texture too much like flesh? Here let me mash it through a playdoh machine and make it into a star cylinder. Freaking genius. What will we think of next?
Alright well I'll write you a real blog sometime in the next 4 days or so. I have finals coming up so don't expect too much out of me. I have a feeling you don't really expect much anyways these days. I've been busy alright? Grad school and stuff. Here's your gif. Sorry Tim I like to find my own material. Also this is from my phone so it's just a link. Lay off me, I'm starving.
http://i.imgur.com/ZJJHB.gif
Brittany is visiting this week, so of course we did what we had been waiting to do since last time we saw each other: go on slides. We went to city museum yesterday and there are so many slides. We climbed and slid down every place in that entire building. Major knee beat down but super awesome too. There were a whole bunch of little kids and I was doing some minor physical activity, so of course I was the creepy sweaty old guy running around with a bunch of little kids. It was cool. Parents weren't weirded out by me at all. Seeing a grown man crawl around in small holes and caves and stuff with your 7 year old daughter is probably a pretty standard occurrence.
But that's not the only thing me and Brittany had been waiting to do. We also made meatballs this week. Meatballs are pretty awesome. I could eat those things all day err day. Easily the most ingenious way to cook ground beef. When was ground beef invented? That seems like a pretty new thing. Meat paste. God I love this planet. Hey is your meat's texture too much like flesh? Here let me mash it through a playdoh machine and make it into a star cylinder. Freaking genius. What will we think of next?
Alright well I'll write you a real blog sometime in the next 4 days or so. I have finals coming up so don't expect too much out of me. I have a feeling you don't really expect much anyways these days. I've been busy alright? Grad school and stuff. Here's your gif. Sorry Tim I like to find my own material. Also this is from my phone so it's just a link. Lay off me, I'm starving.
http://i.imgur.com/ZJJHB.gif
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
pretty gif heavy
Well I don't really have anything to say for this blog but I really wanted to post this gif, so looks like I'm gonna have to blog tonight.
I did my laundry tonight, and somebody left their clothes in the dryer before me. But this guys clothes were of a special variety. First of all, they were covered in hair. Second of all, they were still super wet. As if he had just put them in the dryer and not ever turned it on. Do people do that? Nope. But really I just took them out like a normal person so they can collect dust and mold in the basket overnight and now that guy's clothes will smell bad until he washes them all again. Sorry dude. You snooze you lose. And by snooze I mean forget about your wet dryer laundry and by lose I mean lose the fungus-less-ness of your clothes. Sucks bro.
I realized recently that it's really hard to have friends for real. Like to actually know things about people and take a legitimate interest in their lives. Exhausting. I'm gonna go ahead and be satisfied with superficial friendships based on similar interests, and not based on depth of human connection. That stuff's lame anyway. And I think that is a good segway into this gif that I wanted to post. Here is how I will be treating people who really want to get to know me from now on:
Brought to you by the man who also gave you this:
I did my laundry tonight, and somebody left their clothes in the dryer before me. But this guys clothes were of a special variety. First of all, they were covered in hair. Second of all, they were still super wet. As if he had just put them in the dryer and not ever turned it on. Do people do that? Nope. But really I just took them out like a normal person so they can collect dust and mold in the basket overnight and now that guy's clothes will smell bad until he washes them all again. Sorry dude. You snooze you lose. And by snooze I mean forget about your wet dryer laundry and by lose I mean lose the fungus-less-ness of your clothes. Sucks bro.
I realized recently that it's really hard to have friends for real. Like to actually know things about people and take a legitimate interest in their lives. Exhausting. I'm gonna go ahead and be satisfied with superficial friendships based on similar interests, and not based on depth of human connection. That stuff's lame anyway. And I think that is a good segway into this gif that I wanted to post. Here is how I will be treating people who really want to get to know me from now on:
Brought to you by the man who also gave you this:
Thursday, March 15, 2012
boards blog
Well it's been 2 weeks since my last blog post. I apologize from the apex of my heart for the delay. I've just been doing stuff, you know? What have I been doing you ask? Well I couldn't really tell you, but I know I've had a bunch of test that I have performed adequately on, so I must have been doing something. And now I will update you on some stuff. Because that is what you are here for. Mildly comedic takes on things that are only important to the internet version of myself.
Well first of all I've been eating pretzels a lot more recently. Can we all agree that pretzels are awesome? Because if we can't then I don't think we will be able to agree on anything. This is, of course, taking into account that I'm only talking to those of you who do not have Crohn's disease. Because gluten intolerance is nothing to joke about people. It is probably something that will be on my pathology board exam, so that's something. Also I forgot that those links are supposed to be funny. Sorry about that. I'll try again later. Also, speaking of my board exam, I have boards this weekend, so that's cool. Also I have 3 exams next week. And also at least one big one the week after that. And then we should start finals pretty soon after that. So that's a thing. I'm usually not one to think of silly ways to remember facts that I don't need to know ever again, but I do have one that I would like to share with you all because I thought it was funny. Irritable Bowel Syndrome causes pencil thin stools. Do you know how I remember that? Well you're gonna have to eat the popsicle to get the answer. And the answer is because people use pencils to irritate their bowel. HEYOOOOOOOO. On that note, I would like to say that hinge is ginglymus. Also syndesMOsis. I hate myself.
I actually do have something pretty funny to say now. It's a story that I would like to tell. So some of you might remember a while back (roughly 1 month ago) I received some mysterious textbooks in the mail from a mystery man and I blogged about it. For the sake of this post, he will now be called Erglegrew. (by the way, you are all going to want to spend some time right now to google "dr kelso erglegrew". especially those of you who are familiar with both me and the origins of the face. GO NOW I TELL YOU) Well anyway, I received an email from erglegrew about a week ago. Turns out he is the owner of the company that I ordered the books from, and just by chance he does not like being called a "hipster terrorist." I'm sure you're all scrambling though my blog posts right now to find those posts. Well I deleted them at erglegrew's request. But trust me they were funny. Moral of the story: sometimes when you call someone out on the internet, they own a large company with employees that google them from time to time and find their name in your blog and then read your blog and then their boss is very disappoint that you called him a terrorist. Or maybe they just googled hipster terrorist, because that's an internet thing too. Bottom line is that I learned a valuable lesson today. When something really confusing happens, write all the details online and eventually someone will find you and not only will your problem be addressed, you might even be able to write another blog about it later! And everything went better than expected.
Ansa cervicalis C1-4. If I'm gonna be writing this silly thing, I'm at least going to get a little mini review of stuff that I already know. Enchondroma: the most common benign tumor of the head. Neurofibromatosis aka von recklinghausen tumor: cafe au lait spots. Boom science and stuff.
Oh also the ants are doing good. I'm pretty sure I blogged about the ants. Well theyre all alive and doing ant stuff. Digging tunnels, being desperate to get out when I open the lid. You know. Normal stuff. I definitely don't feel guilty when I open the lid and they freak out and try to spring towards the air. Because that would be silly. Compassion for animals that small? Come on, they're not even cute. Who cares about uncute animals? Not this guy. Also brittany comes to visit in about 9 days. Give or take 0 days. So that will be nice. I'm certainly not mad about that. Not sure how those two things were related. Except that brittany hates cute animals. She tells me all the time about how much she hates puppies. Come on Brit, at least try to like puppies. Even indifference would be nice. Nobody hates puppies that much. Please try a little bit. We'll go to the pet store when you visit and look at puppies and maybe it'll hit a soft spot. And then maybe we'll move on to getting you to not gag when you see babies. One step at a time.
It's been really nice out the past 4 or 5 days here in Missouri. I've worn pants every day anyway. And right now my legs are super hot. Like I'm talking if you licked cinnamon gum wrappers and covered both of my legs with them up to about my L2 dermatome. Not cool, black jeans. I thought we were cool (see what I did there?).
Alright it's just about time for me to get ready to play some basketball. Because I do that now, because I'm super good at basketball. Except that I am the worst at offense in every sport. I have realized this recently. As I told my boy black doug this monday after soccer: I was born a defender and I will die a defender. They say that defense wins championships, but they also say that chicks dig the long ball. So what if I defend the long ball? do I win everything? There are shockingly few picture of rex grossman when you google image sexy rexy. Here's your gif.
Touche internet. Touche.
Well first of all I've been eating pretzels a lot more recently. Can we all agree that pretzels are awesome? Because if we can't then I don't think we will be able to agree on anything. This is, of course, taking into account that I'm only talking to those of you who do not have Crohn's disease. Because gluten intolerance is nothing to joke about people. It is probably something that will be on my pathology board exam, so that's something. Also I forgot that those links are supposed to be funny. Sorry about that. I'll try again later. Also, speaking of my board exam, I have boards this weekend, so that's cool. Also I have 3 exams next week. And also at least one big one the week after that. And then we should start finals pretty soon after that. So that's a thing. I'm usually not one to think of silly ways to remember facts that I don't need to know ever again, but I do have one that I would like to share with you all because I thought it was funny. Irritable Bowel Syndrome causes pencil thin stools. Do you know how I remember that? Well you're gonna have to eat the popsicle to get the answer. And the answer is because people use pencils to irritate their bowel. HEYOOOOOOOO. On that note, I would like to say that hinge is ginglymus. Also syndesMOsis. I hate myself.
I actually do have something pretty funny to say now. It's a story that I would like to tell. So some of you might remember a while back (roughly 1 month ago) I received some mysterious textbooks in the mail from a mystery man and I blogged about it. For the sake of this post, he will now be called Erglegrew. (by the way, you are all going to want to spend some time right now to google "dr kelso erglegrew". especially those of you who are familiar with both me and the origins of the face. GO NOW I TELL YOU) Well anyway, I received an email from erglegrew about a week ago. Turns out he is the owner of the company that I ordered the books from, and just by chance he does not like being called a "hipster terrorist." I'm sure you're all scrambling though my blog posts right now to find those posts. Well I deleted them at erglegrew's request. But trust me they were funny. Moral of the story: sometimes when you call someone out on the internet, they own a large company with employees that google them from time to time and find their name in your blog and then read your blog and then their boss is very disappoint that you called him a terrorist. Or maybe they just googled hipster terrorist, because that's an internet thing too. Bottom line is that I learned a valuable lesson today. When something really confusing happens, write all the details online and eventually someone will find you and not only will your problem be addressed, you might even be able to write another blog about it later! And everything went better than expected.
Ansa cervicalis C1-4. If I'm gonna be writing this silly thing, I'm at least going to get a little mini review of stuff that I already know. Enchondroma: the most common benign tumor of the head. Neurofibromatosis aka von recklinghausen tumor: cafe au lait spots. Boom science and stuff.
Oh also the ants are doing good. I'm pretty sure I blogged about the ants. Well theyre all alive and doing ant stuff. Digging tunnels, being desperate to get out when I open the lid. You know. Normal stuff. I definitely don't feel guilty when I open the lid and they freak out and try to spring towards the air. Because that would be silly. Compassion for animals that small? Come on, they're not even cute. Who cares about uncute animals? Not this guy. Also brittany comes to visit in about 9 days. Give or take 0 days. So that will be nice. I'm certainly not mad about that. Not sure how those two things were related. Except that brittany hates cute animals. She tells me all the time about how much she hates puppies. Come on Brit, at least try to like puppies. Even indifference would be nice. Nobody hates puppies that much. Please try a little bit. We'll go to the pet store when you visit and look at puppies and maybe it'll hit a soft spot. And then maybe we'll move on to getting you to not gag when you see babies. One step at a time.
It's been really nice out the past 4 or 5 days here in Missouri. I've worn pants every day anyway. And right now my legs are super hot. Like I'm talking if you licked cinnamon gum wrappers and covered both of my legs with them up to about my L2 dermatome. Not cool, black jeans. I thought we were cool (see what I did there?).
Alright it's just about time for me to get ready to play some basketball. Because I do that now, because I'm super good at basketball. Except that I am the worst at offense in every sport. I have realized this recently. As I told my boy black doug this monday after soccer: I was born a defender and I will die a defender. They say that defense wins championships, but they also say that chicks dig the long ball. So what if I defend the long ball? do I win everything? There are shockingly few picture of rex grossman when you google image sexy rexy. Here's your gif.
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