It's noon and I've done nothing today. what an awesome feeling. I'm like the dude from office space when I'm on break. It's like pet rock mode but more deliberate. Wake up, eat some cereal, sit on internet. Just living the dream. And I get to use a chainsaw today. It's gonna be a good day.
I have something to discuss for real now. This is important, so listen up. Really, put your computer on blind guy mode and have it speak this blog to you so you can hear it as you read because then it will stick better. Here we go.
I hate the wave so much. It is literally the worst thing that has ever happened to live sports. You know what it means when people start doing the wave? It means the game sucks. Every time the wave starts the entire league that the game is in should be embarrassed. Fix your product MLB. There's a 12 second pitch count for a reason, and that is that baseball sucks when it takes 4.5 hours to play a game. Ok that's off topic. back to the wave.
People, you paid like $50+ a ticket to go to a baseball game, and you get excited to stand up and put your hands up every 15 seconds or so? The worst wave people aren't the ones that start it or the ones that are psyched on it. No no my friends. It's the people that won't even stand up but still put their hands up. I'm all for laziness people, but pick a side. Are you waving or not? We're in 2.5 wars, our economy sucks, people are dying of starvation and genocide and malaria and stuff and you can't even stand up? You're the worst person. Ok maybe not the worst, but maybe like the second worst.
There was something else I was gonna talk about semi related to the wave but I can't remember now. Stupid wave. I hate it so much, and I don't even really hate that many things anymore. I'm getting nicer I think. Just not to the stupid wave.
Ok one other thing. For the first time, I actually feel old. Something clicked in my head when I turned 22. Way back when I was 21 it felt like the whole world was ahead of me and I was so young, so full of hopes and dreams. Now I'm a 20-something and I suck. I'm having a 1/5 life crisis. I live in missouri. that sucks. I wanna go do something cool. People do cool stuff like do the appalachian trail and like live in europe and stuff and I live in suburban missouri and I memorize which bacteria gives you the worst diarrhea. Weak. Somebody go do something cool with me. You know, next april when I have time. I hate myself.
Ok now that I have thoroughly depressed all of you, here is a happy haiku
sunshine and rainbows
butterflies and nature stuff
sun with sunglasses
Ok it's time to go for a run now because I'm fat and my old man metabolism can't keep up with the amount of food that I want to eat. Stupid 22. You're the worst.
OH! NECK TATTOOS! That's what I was gonna write about. Ok, who are all these people getting neck tattoos? Do you just wake up one day and decide to get one? I get that tattoos are cool these days, but I don't see how people think tattoos above their clavicles is a good idea. Do you think there are people out there who don't have any other tattoos except on their neck? Like some accountant or social studies teacher or something with just a picture (can you call it that?) of a dragon or his neck? Dude just loves neck dragons. By the way, how much does mark texiera look like a social studies teacher who really needs to poop? Worst smile in baseball right there. I bet all of his teammates secretly hate him. He's got dragon nostrils. This is my best impression of Mark Teixiera
They call me dragon nostrils
I have something to discuss for real now. This is important, so listen up. Really, put your computer on blind guy mode and have it speak this blog to you so you can hear it as you read because then it will stick better. Here we go.
I hate the wave so much. It is literally the worst thing that has ever happened to live sports. You know what it means when people start doing the wave? It means the game sucks. Every time the wave starts the entire league that the game is in should be embarrassed. Fix your product MLB. There's a 12 second pitch count for a reason, and that is that baseball sucks when it takes 4.5 hours to play a game. Ok that's off topic. back to the wave.
People, you paid like $50+ a ticket to go to a baseball game, and you get excited to stand up and put your hands up every 15 seconds or so? The worst wave people aren't the ones that start it or the ones that are psyched on it. No no my friends. It's the people that won't even stand up but still put their hands up. I'm all for laziness people, but pick a side. Are you waving or not? We're in 2.5 wars, our economy sucks, people are dying of starvation and genocide and malaria and stuff and you can't even stand up? You're the worst person. Ok maybe not the worst, but maybe like the second worst.
There was something else I was gonna talk about semi related to the wave but I can't remember now. Stupid wave. I hate it so much, and I don't even really hate that many things anymore. I'm getting nicer I think. Just not to the stupid wave.
Ok one other thing. For the first time, I actually feel old. Something clicked in my head when I turned 22. Way back when I was 21 it felt like the whole world was ahead of me and I was so young, so full of hopes and dreams. Now I'm a 20-something and I suck. I'm having a 1/5 life crisis. I live in missouri. that sucks. I wanna go do something cool. People do cool stuff like do the appalachian trail and like live in europe and stuff and I live in suburban missouri and I memorize which bacteria gives you the worst diarrhea. Weak. Somebody go do something cool with me. You know, next april when I have time. I hate myself.
Ok now that I have thoroughly depressed all of you, here is a happy haiku
sunshine and rainbows
butterflies and nature stuff
sun with sunglasses
Ok it's time to go for a run now because I'm fat and my old man metabolism can't keep up with the amount of food that I want to eat. Stupid 22. You're the worst.
OH! NECK TATTOOS! That's what I was gonna write about. Ok, who are all these people getting neck tattoos? Do you just wake up one day and decide to get one? I get that tattoos are cool these days, but I don't see how people think tattoos above their clavicles is a good idea. Do you think there are people out there who don't have any other tattoos except on their neck? Like some accountant or social studies teacher or something with just a picture (can you call it that?) of a dragon or his neck? Dude just loves neck dragons. By the way, how much does mark texiera look like a social studies teacher who really needs to poop? Worst smile in baseball right there. I bet all of his teammates secretly hate him. He's got dragon nostrils. This is my best impression of Mark Teixiera
They call me dragon nostrils
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