Ok so a lot of stuff has happened in the past week, so I figure the best way to tell you all about it is not through this blog. I will, however, write one long sentence that does not make any sense grammatically and gives an overview of my most recent vacation. I might be a little rusty, so bear with me if this doesn't live up to some of my other long rambling sentences.
skateboard friday with most of neon fly to seattle hear gay guys talk about tom's weiner get on absurdly big boat sweat while laying down take a nap eat way too much food sleep in dark room with no windows aaron got seasick eat way too much food helicopter onto glacier almost fall into giant hole but not really eat eat eat watch a seal catch a fish hide a gnome in a tree see some whales sea lions are fat catch some salmon with paul's doppelganger bail on the cruise fly to seattle read a book get kicked in the nuts by irene fly to detriot fly to pittsburg drive 14 hours through the hurricane get home lose electricity run over downed power lines buy new skateboard eat $1 burger electricity is back on.
i think that sums it up about as well as I am capable.
Well first of all I would like to give a shoutout to my girl Irene. If you're gonna be a hurricane might as well take some stuff out right? I gave you all that little blurb underneath the picture because I assume a lot of you don't know who hurricane carter is. Bob Dylan wrote a song about him. Guess what it's called. Hurricane. I told you so you didn't have to guess.
Well I've missed you all terribly. I assume you've missed me and you've aged the past week at the rate that presidents age because of how stressed you've been without my blog. Especially you, Brit. St. Martin sounds like a tough place to be. Giant lizard poops and stuff. I don't know how you made it out alive.
Ok that joke actually does need to be explained because it was one of the funniest things I've seen in a while. I'm gonna go ahead and just copy and paste the email because I literally can't make it any funnier:
"Today a lizard the size of an iguana pooped next to the pool. It was the size of his whole body. Imagine if that was the size of your body:poop ratio."
CAN YOU IMAGINE! haha that song just came to mind because it would be funny if it was about a poop. Google the lyrics and just assume that when he says Jesus he has named his poop Jesus because that makes it way funnier. You know what? Here are the lyrics. Just read them if you don't want to listen to the song, but make sure you read it with the intent of someone singing it to their massive person sized poop. I really haven't missed a beat at all. This might be my best poop content e-ver.
You know what I need to get more into? Conspiracy theories and old books. I need like a hundred leather bound books with historical significance. Having important books makes you timelessly cool in a nerdy kind of way. That's the kind of cool I want to be. Strange cool so that you can just continue being kinda strange for decades but not lose any coolness. it seems that this transformation is going to cost me a lot of money, so I'll put it on the backburner for now, and eventually forget about it and then I won't feel so bad about not fulfilling my dream of being weird cool forever because I won't remember but then one of you idiots will show me this blog when I'm like 35 and I'll have a 1/3rd life crisis because, let's face it, I'm gonna live and be awesome till like 115, and then I'll have to divorce my wife and stop talking to my kids and grow a soul patch and it'll be all your fault. I preemptively hate you.
Alright well I gotta go get ready for some serious skateboarding now. Gotta go shred the gnar with pumpkin. I love nicknames. Andy gives the best nicknames. He calls one of my friends Double-mini-mee-maw. (double pronounced DUB-lay) When he calls me on the phone he asks if he is talking to "Dr. weematanye of the weematanye institute." Kid's unreal. Some day I'm gonna commit a whole blog to andy stories, and it will be the funniest blog I've ever written. But I digress.
Here's your first haiku in almost 2 weeks:
Want to fly a kite
like my boy the kite runner
with less poverty
The call me culturally insensitive
skateboard friday with most of neon fly to seattle hear gay guys talk about tom's weiner get on absurdly big boat sweat while laying down take a nap eat way too much food sleep in dark room with no windows aaron got seasick eat way too much food helicopter onto glacier almost fall into giant hole but not really eat eat eat watch a seal catch a fish hide a gnome in a tree see some whales sea lions are fat catch some salmon with paul's doppelganger bail on the cruise fly to seattle read a book get kicked in the nuts by irene fly to detriot fly to pittsburg drive 14 hours through the hurricane get home lose electricity run over downed power lines buy new skateboard eat $1 burger electricity is back on.
i think that sums it up about as well as I am capable.
Well first of all I would like to give a shoutout to my girl Irene. If you're gonna be a hurricane might as well take some stuff out right? I gave you all that little blurb underneath the picture because I assume a lot of you don't know who hurricane carter is. Bob Dylan wrote a song about him. Guess what it's called. Hurricane. I told you so you didn't have to guess.
Well I've missed you all terribly. I assume you've missed me and you've aged the past week at the rate that presidents age because of how stressed you've been without my blog. Especially you, Brit. St. Martin sounds like a tough place to be. Giant lizard poops and stuff. I don't know how you made it out alive.
Ok that joke actually does need to be explained because it was one of the funniest things I've seen in a while. I'm gonna go ahead and just copy and paste the email because I literally can't make it any funnier:
"Today a lizard the size of an iguana pooped next to the pool. It was the size of his whole body. Imagine if that was the size of your body:poop ratio."
CAN YOU IMAGINE! haha that song just came to mind because it would be funny if it was about a poop. Google the lyrics and just assume that when he says Jesus he has named his poop Jesus because that makes it way funnier. You know what? Here are the lyrics. Just read them if you don't want to listen to the song, but make sure you read it with the intent of someone singing it to their massive person sized poop. I really haven't missed a beat at all. This might be my best poop content e-ver.
You know what I need to get more into? Conspiracy theories and old books. I need like a hundred leather bound books with historical significance. Having important books makes you timelessly cool in a nerdy kind of way. That's the kind of cool I want to be. Strange cool so that you can just continue being kinda strange for decades but not lose any coolness. it seems that this transformation is going to cost me a lot of money, so I'll put it on the backburner for now, and eventually forget about it and then I won't feel so bad about not fulfilling my dream of being weird cool forever because I won't remember but then one of you idiots will show me this blog when I'm like 35 and I'll have a 1/3rd life crisis because, let's face it, I'm gonna live and be awesome till like 115, and then I'll have to divorce my wife and stop talking to my kids and grow a soul patch and it'll be all your fault. I preemptively hate you.
Alright well I gotta go get ready for some serious skateboarding now. Gotta go shred the gnar with pumpkin. I love nicknames. Andy gives the best nicknames. He calls one of my friends Double-mini-mee-maw. (double pronounced DUB-lay) When he calls me on the phone he asks if he is talking to "Dr. weematanye of the weematanye institute." Kid's unreal. Some day I'm gonna commit a whole blog to andy stories, and it will be the funniest blog I've ever written. But I digress.
Here's your first haiku in almost 2 weeks:
Want to fly a kite
like my boy the kite runner
with less poverty
The call me culturally insensitive
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