Everyone--it's my favorite time of year. It's not because football is starting, or because baseball playoffs are around the corner, or anything sports related. Not weather related. Not school related. Not long lists of things that are not related related. No my friends, sack races will not be held on consecutive sundays, because we will all be drunk because it's PUMPKIN BEER SEASON. The greatest of the seasons.
The tradition of pumpkin beer goes back to, who else, ze germans in 1365, when the great beer maker Hanz von Greten accidentally dropped 100 pumpkins off of his 16th floor apartment into the vat of beer that was being brewed inconveniently at the bottom of the fire escape. He was too scared to tell anyone because pumpkins were outlawed in 1365 Germany, whose national vegetable at the time was the squash--pumpkin's arch vegetable nemesis according to folk tales at the time. When the beer was finished, it had a curious orange hue, but nobody really cared because it was before the german beer purity law, or "Reinheitsgebot" of 1516. When the beer had fermented properly in early September of the next year, they drank the orange beer and were overcome with joy, for they had never tasted such a glorious beverage. It was brought to the king or whatever germany had at that point and he declared it "Ze Greatest Beer In All Of Ze World." And it was. And that, my friends, is the story of how pumpkin beer was first discovered. It also shows that pumpkins were, in fact, native to europe and not to America and suggests that the pilgrims really showed the native americans how to farm and stuff and that they should be grateful that we gave them casinos and they should really stop whining.
Just kidding Native Americans. You guys are great and I'm sorry about the small pox.
When I wrote the title to this post, I thought for a second that maybe I should put a question mark. But then I realized that's stupid and I wasn't asking a question. I was demanding that you guess. Just because I want you to ask me when time it is doesn't mean I should put my demands in question form. You will guess in a quizzical tone of voice and you will like it. But I realize I already told you what time it is, so this point is now moot.
Well I'm sorry to cut this blog short but I gotta go now because I'm building a new grind box with my boy the Wass. It's gonna be sick. 4x7x1. Those are the dimensions, not some inside joke that I made up today. Here's your haiku, hopefully my crew of poem writing commenters will join me in writing about pumpkin beer or germany or something like that. Clearly now that I have asked Shaq's will not be about either. You suck shaq.
i was gonna write
about pumpkin beer's glory
but shaq sucks on poop
Just so we're clear shaq is a friend of mine who is actually a white. He's not the big galactus, as much as he tries to convince you over the internet. we all have the internet, shaq, you're not the only one who can find private pictures of shaq playing with his dog from last april. To the real Shaquille O'Neal, you might want to invest in a better firewall.
They call me the hacker
The tradition of pumpkin beer goes back to, who else, ze germans in 1365, when the great beer maker Hanz von Greten accidentally dropped 100 pumpkins off of his 16th floor apartment into the vat of beer that was being brewed inconveniently at the bottom of the fire escape. He was too scared to tell anyone because pumpkins were outlawed in 1365 Germany, whose national vegetable at the time was the squash--pumpkin's arch vegetable nemesis according to folk tales at the time. When the beer was finished, it had a curious orange hue, but nobody really cared because it was before the german beer purity law, or "Reinheitsgebot" of 1516. When the beer had fermented properly in early September of the next year, they drank the orange beer and were overcome with joy, for they had never tasted such a glorious beverage. It was brought to the king or whatever germany had at that point and he declared it "Ze Greatest Beer In All Of Ze World." And it was. And that, my friends, is the story of how pumpkin beer was first discovered. It also shows that pumpkins were, in fact, native to europe and not to America and suggests that the pilgrims really showed the native americans how to farm and stuff and that they should be grateful that we gave them casinos and they should really stop whining.
Just kidding Native Americans. You guys are great and I'm sorry about the small pox.
When I wrote the title to this post, I thought for a second that maybe I should put a question mark. But then I realized that's stupid and I wasn't asking a question. I was demanding that you guess. Just because I want you to ask me when time it is doesn't mean I should put my demands in question form. You will guess in a quizzical tone of voice and you will like it. But I realize I already told you what time it is, so this point is now moot.
Well I'm sorry to cut this blog short but I gotta go now because I'm building a new grind box with my boy the Wass. It's gonna be sick. 4x7x1. Those are the dimensions, not some inside joke that I made up today. Here's your haiku, hopefully my crew of poem writing commenters will join me in writing about pumpkin beer or germany or something like that. Clearly now that I have asked Shaq's will not be about either. You suck shaq.
i was gonna write
about pumpkin beer's glory
but shaq sucks on poop
Just so we're clear shaq is a friend of mine who is actually a white. He's not the big galactus, as much as he tries to convince you over the internet. we all have the internet, shaq, you're not the only one who can find private pictures of shaq playing with his dog from last april. To the real Shaquille O'Neal, you might want to invest in a better firewall.
They call me the hacker
"The Squash"
ReplyDeleteOnce upon a thyme,
there was a yellow squash.
Drew ate it
And sucked on its innards.
I am not "a white." I am "the black".
Shaqtus, The Big AARP
Pumpkin beer
ReplyDeleteUmpkin beer
Mpkin beer
Pkin beer
Kin beer
In beer
N beer
Beer
Eer
Er
R
my own twist on poetry
Kurbis bier is GRAYT!
ReplyDeleteso let's sank Hanz von Greten
for ein scrumptious flub!
kurbis is german for pumpking.