The latest search to bring someone to my blog:
"poop in a can"
Who is searching for poop in a can? Probably Zisk. Get back to work Zisk, your boss isn't paying you to find poop in a can pictures on the internet/find my blog in weird ways from canada to make me laugh. But I do appreciate it. Please continue.
Got to skate my new box today. IT'S SICK. Love my life right now. Took a sick nap during nutrition, mouth all flopped open and everything. Haven't slept that hard in god knows how long. Gotta love embarrassing nap positions. That's essentially what we do in grad school. I love being in a big class sitting in the back. You can get away with literally anything.
You know what I thought would be cool today? If I could swallow a cell phone and have it ring from inside my GI. Here are the conditions under which I would swallow a phone:
1) It would have to be small enough so that I could poop it out without any major problems.
2) It would be in a bag that would be undigestable so I wouldn't get mercury or whatever is in phones inside me
3) It would be on vibrate so I could feel what it's like to have something vibrate in my stomach. That would be awesome
If I could get a guarantee that those would happen I would definitely do it. I think those are reasonable stipulations. No painful poops and no poisoning. The vibrate thing is negotiable, but I think that should be easy enough. What do you think would be the best songs to have playing out from your stomach? My vote is for "total eclipse of the heart." That's just a funny song for any occasion. Do you think Bonnie Taylor thought that her heartfelt love ballad would turn into a hilarious song for so many people? It must suck to be really serious and then have people laugh. That is why I have such a serious blog. Because it is important that somewhere down the line people can look at how serious I was and make fun of me behind my back. It's the circle of life.
Speaking of which, I haven't seen Lion King 3D yet. Anna if you're reading this, I know it's a shocker to you that Lion King came out in 3D recently, but believe it! It's true! You heard it from me first (this is funny because she told me about it). I love Lion King. I identify most with Mufasa I think. Or Timon. Which should probably be pronounced "tie-min" because it's spelled like Simon just with a T. Timon and Mufasa are closer in character than you realize. It's deep. Don't worry about it.
This next paragraph is dedicated to a conversation I had today
So I was talking to my girl Erica today, and I asked her if she had ever had cereal with chocolate milk. She said only when she had cocoa puffs, and I decided that's not good enough. So tomorrow morning I am going to make chocolate milk with nestle chocolate powder (not with chocolate syrup because I don't have any and I haven't had chocolate milk with syrup in years, and honestly I remember it being way too much work than it's worth) and then pour it over my frosted flakes. I will give you an update tomorrow regarding how good it is, but I am expecting it to be FREAKING AWESOME.
I gotta shower now because my butt is all sweaty and I gotta go to trivia soon, but here's your haiku, followed by a segment of "Tim's German Haiku." No luck on "out of context one-liners" today because I was in lab most of the day and it's harder to have one-liners in lab. Actually here is something I said out loud first that was kind of funny. Actually I shouldn't put that on the internet. Probably a bad idea. Yay for discretion!
i almost messed up
and violated HIPPA
instead I didn't
take it away Tim!
"poop in a can"
Who is searching for poop in a can? Probably Zisk. Get back to work Zisk, your boss isn't paying you to find poop in a can pictures on the internet/find my blog in weird ways from canada to make me laugh. But I do appreciate it. Please continue.
Got to skate my new box today. IT'S SICK. Love my life right now. Took a sick nap during nutrition, mouth all flopped open and everything. Haven't slept that hard in god knows how long. Gotta love embarrassing nap positions. That's essentially what we do in grad school. I love being in a big class sitting in the back. You can get away with literally anything.
You know what I thought would be cool today? If I could swallow a cell phone and have it ring from inside my GI. Here are the conditions under which I would swallow a phone:
1) It would have to be small enough so that I could poop it out without any major problems.
2) It would be in a bag that would be undigestable so I wouldn't get mercury or whatever is in phones inside me
3) It would be on vibrate so I could feel what it's like to have something vibrate in my stomach. That would be awesome
If I could get a guarantee that those would happen I would definitely do it. I think those are reasonable stipulations. No painful poops and no poisoning. The vibrate thing is negotiable, but I think that should be easy enough. What do you think would be the best songs to have playing out from your stomach? My vote is for "total eclipse of the heart." That's just a funny song for any occasion. Do you think Bonnie Taylor thought that her heartfelt love ballad would turn into a hilarious song for so many people? It must suck to be really serious and then have people laugh. That is why I have such a serious blog. Because it is important that somewhere down the line people can look at how serious I was and make fun of me behind my back. It's the circle of life.
Speaking of which, I haven't seen Lion King 3D yet. Anna if you're reading this, I know it's a shocker to you that Lion King came out in 3D recently, but believe it! It's true! You heard it from me first (this is funny because she told me about it). I love Lion King. I identify most with Mufasa I think. Or Timon. Which should probably be pronounced "tie-min" because it's spelled like Simon just with a T. Timon and Mufasa are closer in character than you realize. It's deep. Don't worry about it.
This next paragraph is dedicated to a conversation I had today
So I was talking to my girl Erica today, and I asked her if she had ever had cereal with chocolate milk. She said only when she had cocoa puffs, and I decided that's not good enough. So tomorrow morning I am going to make chocolate milk with nestle chocolate powder (not with chocolate syrup because I don't have any and I haven't had chocolate milk with syrup in years, and honestly I remember it being way too much work than it's worth) and then pour it over my frosted flakes. I will give you an update tomorrow regarding how good it is, but I am expecting it to be FREAKING AWESOME.
I gotta shower now because my butt is all sweaty and I gotta go to trivia soon, but here's your haiku, followed by a segment of "Tim's German Haiku." No luck on "out of context one-liners" today because I was in lab most of the day and it's harder to have one-liners in lab. Actually here is something I said out loud first that was kind of funny. Actually I shouldn't put that on the internet. Probably a bad idea. Yay for discretion!
i almost messed up
and violated HIPPA
instead I didn't
take it away Tim!
ya so today ve are going to focusing on von of ze topics zat ees near unt dear to mine heart... schnitzel!!
ReplyDeletevhere ees mein phone, drew??
"I SOUGHT ZAT VAS MEIN SCHNITZEL!!!"
(rings from poopenshaft)
zis particular segment vas formatted for ze new screenplay zat I am vorking on, called "Ich liebe Dick", literally translated to "I Love Dick." It ees ze shtory of ein gaylord named Drew who does goings out into ze vorld unt spreads his assha to feeding his cocaine addiction... OBVI it's going to being hilarious, unt I can't waiting to share ze finished project. YA!
AUF WIEDERSEHEN!!!!
wow that comment was almost as awesome as drews blog, i have a question for drew...I am a huge fan of your using toilet paper rolls as decoration, but what happens when my mom purchased tubeless toilet paper for me to use...i am at a sandstill...i recently ran out of the tube and it will be on my wall soon, but do i buy toiletpaper with tubes? or take advantage of the fact that i have tubeless toiletpaper at my disposal?
ReplyDeleteTim, your French is fantastic.
ReplyDeleteMatt your German is terrible. I can hardly understand it.
Drew, when you said 'take it away, Tim', I think you meant 'put it back, Shaq'.
Did you know Yoohoo is really
Just chocolate drink, not chocolate milk?
Who the hell thinks of that crap?
Probably Zisk, the cereal sharter.