I do not know what to do with myself right now so I guess I will write a second blog. Roll the dice, see if I can be funny twice in one day. Ready, GO
I put my first decorative toilet paper roll on my wall today. Biggest problem=no strong tape. Currently using athletic tape, and it is working, but the opposite of working. What's the word I'm looking for? Oh that's right, not working. Sometimes words escape my tongue despite my ability to speak so eloquently. Part of me really wants a super good vocabulary, but then I realize that I would probably sound like a big douche. Sounding like a big douche isn't really that high up on my priority list, so I think maybe I'll just stick to writing blogs.
By the way, this is my 97th blog post. How crazy is that? Apparently I have way more to say than I previously thought. I would say about 5-10 times a day I forget if I said something out loud or just thought it. Does that make me an idiot? Maybe. It definitely keeps me from sounding like an idiot. If you could all hear the thoughts in my head, none of you would be friends with me. Oh, you're saying that this blog has literally put you into my head and now you can't look away from the wreckage? Oh ok, I'm sorry. Thanks for still being my friend.
So my back scab is getting way better. Now it's just this big red thing. Oh that reminds me, I think it was on Friday, some girl saw the little scab on my elbow that actually just fell off like an hour ago whole. It didnt bleed or anything. It was still like penny sized, I was impressed. But she like bugged out. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR ELBOW? I started to laugh at her face and then remembered that's not socially acceptable, especially because we don't really know each other that well. I don't know where this is heading, so I'm gonna just go ahead and upload a picture of my back cut from like 4 or 5 days after it happened. Here it is like 4 or 5 lines down for all you squeamish people. You can skip it if you want, but it's pretty cool looking. I've been talking about it a lot so I figured it's about time you all saw it. Whatever here it is.
It's nice to be able to sit down and not leak all over my clothes now. All the scabs are gone, although it never properly scabbed up. I think it's gonna make for a pretty sweet scar. Chicks dig scars I think right? I don't know, I'm really bad with girls. Never figured that one out. Probably mostly due to a lack of trying. Girls don't like Friday night skate missions as much as I do. Or farts. Also I'm really sweaty. I need to fill out an E harmony or something with all of my flaws and see what kind of people respond to it. Here's how I think my about me section (if they even have that, I'm assuming it's just a less annoying facebook) would probably read:
I'm 22, I have a really high opinion of myself, and I still skateboard. I have overactive sweat glands, especially on my butt, and structurally weak lower limb joints. I like to keep track of how long it takes me to go through a roll of toilet paper, and in college I used to keep track of how often I cut my fingernails and toenails because I was curious what the ratio was (about 2:1). I like corduroy pants and cheap sunglasses, and while I do bathe regularly I don't really like to. I have small hands. Not creepy small, but too small to palm a basketball. My eyes function poorly and I tend to not pay attention when people talk to me. If I sound like your type, email me because I check it compulsively. I also really like Baseketball.
I think that would put me right up there at the top of everyone's list. Time for some happy stuff! Wow actually this is really long already.
Shaq, write me a quatrain.
And don't sweet me eitha
I put my first decorative toilet paper roll on my wall today. Biggest problem=no strong tape. Currently using athletic tape, and it is working, but the opposite of working. What's the word I'm looking for? Oh that's right, not working. Sometimes words escape my tongue despite my ability to speak so eloquently. Part of me really wants a super good vocabulary, but then I realize that I would probably sound like a big douche. Sounding like a big douche isn't really that high up on my priority list, so I think maybe I'll just stick to writing blogs.
By the way, this is my 97th blog post. How crazy is that? Apparently I have way more to say than I previously thought. I would say about 5-10 times a day I forget if I said something out loud or just thought it. Does that make me an idiot? Maybe. It definitely keeps me from sounding like an idiot. If you could all hear the thoughts in my head, none of you would be friends with me. Oh, you're saying that this blog has literally put you into my head and now you can't look away from the wreckage? Oh ok, I'm sorry. Thanks for still being my friend.
So my back scab is getting way better. Now it's just this big red thing. Oh that reminds me, I think it was on Friday, some girl saw the little scab on my elbow that actually just fell off like an hour ago whole. It didnt bleed or anything. It was still like penny sized, I was impressed. But she like bugged out. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR ELBOW? I started to laugh at her face and then remembered that's not socially acceptable, especially because we don't really know each other that well. I don't know where this is heading, so I'm gonna just go ahead and upload a picture of my back cut from like 4 or 5 days after it happened. Here it is like 4 or 5 lines down for all you squeamish people. You can skip it if you want, but it's pretty cool looking. I've been talking about it a lot so I figured it's about time you all saw it. Whatever here it is.
It's nice to be able to sit down and not leak all over my clothes now. All the scabs are gone, although it never properly scabbed up. I think it's gonna make for a pretty sweet scar. Chicks dig scars I think right? I don't know, I'm really bad with girls. Never figured that one out. Probably mostly due to a lack of trying. Girls don't like Friday night skate missions as much as I do. Or farts. Also I'm really sweaty. I need to fill out an E harmony or something with all of my flaws and see what kind of people respond to it. Here's how I think my about me section (if they even have that, I'm assuming it's just a less annoying facebook) would probably read:
I'm 22, I have a really high opinion of myself, and I still skateboard. I have overactive sweat glands, especially on my butt, and structurally weak lower limb joints. I like to keep track of how long it takes me to go through a roll of toilet paper, and in college I used to keep track of how often I cut my fingernails and toenails because I was curious what the ratio was (about 2:1). I like corduroy pants and cheap sunglasses, and while I do bathe regularly I don't really like to. I have small hands. Not creepy small, but too small to palm a basketball. My eyes function poorly and I tend to not pay attention when people talk to me. If I sound like your type, email me because I check it compulsively. I also really like Baseketball.
I think that would put me right up there at the top of everyone's list. Time for some happy stuff! Wow actually this is really long already.
Shaq, write me a quatrain.
And don't sweet me eitha
Ask Drew, and you shall receive. Unless you don't want scalding hot water while you eat pasta, then you shall re-sieve. See what I did there? I don't.
ReplyDeleteEntitled "Over-Active Sweat Glands"
I don't use deodorant.
I smell like old fish.
It is a fragrance I call
Eau.