my computer is currently lying to me. My blogger dashboard says that I have had 0 page views today, but also I have had 2 from canada and 2 from the UK today. I think what blogspot is trying to tell me right now is "i just farted." I'm not positive with this, but I'm relatively sure that's the message I'm getting right now.
Quick question--does anyone actually believe the world is going to end in 2012? I mean, come on guys. really. next year. I get that the Mayans were pretty smart, but so far everyone who has ever existed has been wrong about when the end of the world will be. I don't care if you invented the calendar, or math, or rain dances or whatever the Mayans invented. You're wrong about the world ending. I can confidently say that with certainty and not think I'm jinxing it. Because jinxes exist. "this game's over"=game's totally not over. "I'm gonna kickflip this first try no warm-up"=torn ACL. That's just the way it works all of the time, except when you're talking about the world ending.
To be completely honest, I'm not impressed with you, ancient Mayans. Ya you built big stone cities and invented astronomy, but you know what we have these days? the internet son. that's right. I can press these little white buttons with letters on them and then some dude in latvia can read it. AND HE DOES. You can have your fancy little calendar. I have one of those on my phone. I got a garfield comic on a little sheet that I rip off every day for a calendar. You got garfield Mayans? didn't think so. I can watch this guy a million times if I want to, and you're extinct. So don't come over here, preaching to me about the end of the world. Because you're over there, and you're over there, and I don't know which way is up! You can't BS the BS-er.
Did anybody watch the emmy's? I hope the BS-er was a good host. She's pretty funny. I've never really been an awards show person, but I do love the BS-er. I mean, you just cant BS her. Don't even try. I know that picture was tiny but it was the most relevant. Quality over quantity. Don't get caught up with girth, people.
I bought hummus today. Spicy hummus. Unfortunately, they had no jalepeno hummus, but they did have hot red pepper hummus so I bought that. SUPER GOOD. I love hummus dude. It's super good. Creamy, yummy goodness. Just can't be beat. Well I mean maybe it can be beat but I'm psyched on it right now so give me a break.
I watched this video the other day (yesterday, but that is an "other day") about this OG pro skateboarder, and he was like the ultimate skate snob. It's not like he was even a hater, just a massive skate snob. Given, the guy rips and he's super badass and he can do whatever he wants, but is there anything worse than people who feel too strongly about things? I mean I get it, you really like pictures of Joe Biden eating a sandwich but that doesn't mean you should tell everybody else that they suck because they like a different Joe Biden sandwich eating picture than you do. Maybe I just don't care enough about Joe's sandwich eating, I don't know. Here's one more for you, because these are kind of funny.
Alright I'm gonna go eat more hummus. TIM AND SHAQ! write me a haiku. I trust that you won't let me down.
They call me kinda scrumptious
Quick question--does anyone actually believe the world is going to end in 2012? I mean, come on guys. really. next year. I get that the Mayans were pretty smart, but so far everyone who has ever existed has been wrong about when the end of the world will be. I don't care if you invented the calendar, or math, or rain dances or whatever the Mayans invented. You're wrong about the world ending. I can confidently say that with certainty and not think I'm jinxing it. Because jinxes exist. "this game's over"=game's totally not over. "I'm gonna kickflip this first try no warm-up"=torn ACL. That's just the way it works all of the time, except when you're talking about the world ending.
To be completely honest, I'm not impressed with you, ancient Mayans. Ya you built big stone cities and invented astronomy, but you know what we have these days? the internet son. that's right. I can press these little white buttons with letters on them and then some dude in latvia can read it. AND HE DOES. You can have your fancy little calendar. I have one of those on my phone. I got a garfield comic on a little sheet that I rip off every day for a calendar. You got garfield Mayans? didn't think so. I can watch this guy a million times if I want to, and you're extinct. So don't come over here, preaching to me about the end of the world. Because you're over there, and you're over there, and I don't know which way is up! You can't BS the BS-er.
Did anybody watch the emmy's? I hope the BS-er was a good host. She's pretty funny. I've never really been an awards show person, but I do love the BS-er. I mean, you just cant BS her. Don't even try. I know that picture was tiny but it was the most relevant. Quality over quantity. Don't get caught up with girth, people.
I bought hummus today. Spicy hummus. Unfortunately, they had no jalepeno hummus, but they did have hot red pepper hummus so I bought that. SUPER GOOD. I love hummus dude. It's super good. Creamy, yummy goodness. Just can't be beat. Well I mean maybe it can be beat but I'm psyched on it right now so give me a break.
I watched this video the other day (yesterday, but that is an "other day") about this OG pro skateboarder, and he was like the ultimate skate snob. It's not like he was even a hater, just a massive skate snob. Given, the guy rips and he's super badass and he can do whatever he wants, but is there anything worse than people who feel too strongly about things? I mean I get it, you really like pictures of Joe Biden eating a sandwich but that doesn't mean you should tell everybody else that they suck because they like a different Joe Biden sandwich eating picture than you do. Maybe I just don't care enough about Joe's sandwich eating, I don't know. Here's one more for you, because these are kind of funny.
Alright I'm gonna go eat more hummus. TIM AND SHAQ! write me a haiku. I trust that you won't let me down.
They call me kinda scrumptious
if you love hummus so much can you complete this hummus sporcle...made by none other than tribe_hummus AKA joey zisk.. http://www.sporcle.com/games/Tribe_Hummus/Flavors
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you have a Garfield calendar. I myself have the first 10 trilogies in my bookcase, in addition to the Garfield Pet Force. What do you know about Pie-Rat the pirate? Not enough, I'll bet. Jim Davis is a simple man, with simple tastes. I respect that, which is why I had lasagna for lunch the other day. We should feed cats more of that stuff, not that weird looking mush. Cat poop would be a terrible mess probably, but that's why I don't have a cat. The thousands of youtube videos about cute kittens are too unbearable to watch. If I ever had a cute kitten, I would put a box over its head, and neglect its existence. Aside from, of course, giving it unhealthy portions of lasagna.
ReplyDeleteDrew, if you post a picture of you eating lasagna with hummus on top, you will forever be in my heart. But I do not want to be anywhere near that fart. Damn it, I started an actual rhyme scheme to a quatrain early.
Here goes.
Matt Burpalotto
Enjoys a diet of gluten-free CHRUM.
Good thing he lives near Canada.
They eat humans there.
I am not Tim nor Shaq, but I have written you a haiku nonetheless. It is my first so judge hastily.
ReplyDeleteSweet spicy hummus
So divine on the way down
Oh God, my butt hole.
bravo, everyone. bravo.
ReplyDelete