So I am writing this blog starting at 1:30am or so on christmas day because I feel that I owe you all a Christmas blog. So welcome, one and all to my first annual christmas day blog. It's like the NBA christmas day games but more blogging and less basketball.
So I don't know about you all but I have had a wonderful break so far. Done so work son, got some relaxing in, got some skateboarding in, and I even got to hang out with my boy Tai today and watch the patriots. So far so good. I got to skate my new deck this week, which is HUGE. I had my last one since august break, which was 4 months ago. For all of you who can't really appreciate how long that is, imagine wearing the same underwear for like 15 days and then finally getting to put a new pair on. It just makes me so happy. When I'm rich I'm buying new boards like every 3 weeks because it feels so right.
Also can I mention something about it being ridiculously warm out this winter? Are you kidding me with it being 60+ on december 22nd? I would say I'm not mad about it but I kinda feel like I should be mad about it. Guys, clearly we're doing something wrong, and it's kind of making me worried that the world is going to end in 362 or so days. I do have a question about that though. What does everyone mean when they say "the world is going to end"? Is it like a rapture thing, or does everybody die, or does the Earth cease to exist completely? Because to me even if all life ends on Earth but the actual planet is still here that's not the end of the world. Specificity is important people. Think about that one and get back to me. What do you think the most likely scenario is for the end of the world) meaning the end of people)? Giant asteroid? Aliens? Series of natural disasters? Nuclear Holocaust? Robots? Well whatever it is, clearly this is the only solution.
So I went to church tonight with my dad, and I gotta tell you a lot of it made me laugh. Here are my two favorite things about church: preacher voice and little kids eating way too much communion. I know catholics do the thing where you all line up and the priest gives you a cracker, but at my church they pass around these plates with communion bread on it, which honestly looks pretty tasty. like a dehydrated biscuit or something. But I always watch it for as long as I can, and I try to keep an eye out for kids under like 12, especially when they're new to my parent's church because they don't know the protocol. Everybody takes like a little piece of the cracker and then the kid gets the plate and they're not really paying attention so they take like 2 whole crackers and mash those things down like a boss. And then they take like 4 shots of grape juice. Gotta love em. It just makes the awkward seriousness of communion and turns it into an awesome suspense comedy.
But preacher voice is SO funny. There is no other scenario where someone could talk like that and be taken seriously. And this isn't about what they're saying at all. It's all about delivery. Let me try to find a clip for you all so you have an idea of what I'm talking about. Nope can't find one. All youtube has to offer is white people doing bad impressions of stereotypical black preachers.I expected more from you youtube. Well preachers at my church always do this thing where they're like kind of whispering and somehow they always manage to end sentences with a really long S sound (usually JEsusssssss). I realize I've done a really bad job explaining this but it's really funny you'll just have to TRUhssssssssssssst. (see what I did there)
BONUS thing that I really like at church is people just yelling stuff at the preacher. There's typically like 3 things that people say, like "YUP" or "AMEN" or something like that, but occasionally you get the person who doesn't get church yelling protocol and then it's just pure gold. Anything longer than 3 words makes me laugh every time. "PREACH THE WORD OF GOD TO US MIKE" or something along those lines is typical and borderline acceptable church heckling if you wanna call it that. But if you get the combination of the right holiday and a weird enough dude out in the crowd you can get some beautiful stuff. "Thank you Jesus! Praise him! We need you Jesus! Teach us!" and just this long onslaught of yelling that clearly takes too long and doesnt fit into the preacher pause. It makes the rest of the time there completely worth it. And when people yell at inappropriate times is nice too. Yelling during scripture reading is excellent, especially when you happen to get accidental overlap between the scripture and the heckle.
"and jesus gave all those people fish, and everybody was psyched and they said to Jesus..."
"PREACH"
"yup, that is what they said thanks. maybe you just wanna yell out the rest of the verse huh? No? well then SHUT IT and let jesus talk"
OH last thing. Today the preacher was praying and all of a sudden in the middle of the prayer whoever was doing the lights turned off all the lights and spotlighted the guy super hard. He literally stopped in the middle of the prayer, opened his eyes and looked up at the balcony like this. I thanked Jesus for that one. What a nice guy he is, giving me a present for his birthday. Stand up guy, that jesus.
Welp my computer is about to die so I would like to wish you all a merry christmas. Especially Zisk.
Still waiting to hear back from King John Un. Maybe this site is blocked in North Korea and Un hasn't got the password for parental controls yet. Boom roasted.
So I don't know about you all but I have had a wonderful break so far. Done so work son, got some relaxing in, got some skateboarding in, and I even got to hang out with my boy Tai today and watch the patriots. So far so good. I got to skate my new deck this week, which is HUGE. I had my last one since august break, which was 4 months ago. For all of you who can't really appreciate how long that is, imagine wearing the same underwear for like 15 days and then finally getting to put a new pair on. It just makes me so happy. When I'm rich I'm buying new boards like every 3 weeks because it feels so right.
Also can I mention something about it being ridiculously warm out this winter? Are you kidding me with it being 60+ on december 22nd? I would say I'm not mad about it but I kinda feel like I should be mad about it. Guys, clearly we're doing something wrong, and it's kind of making me worried that the world is going to end in 362 or so days. I do have a question about that though. What does everyone mean when they say "the world is going to end"? Is it like a rapture thing, or does everybody die, or does the Earth cease to exist completely? Because to me even if all life ends on Earth but the actual planet is still here that's not the end of the world. Specificity is important people. Think about that one and get back to me. What do you think the most likely scenario is for the end of the world) meaning the end of people)? Giant asteroid? Aliens? Series of natural disasters? Nuclear Holocaust? Robots? Well whatever it is, clearly this is the only solution.
So I went to church tonight with my dad, and I gotta tell you a lot of it made me laugh. Here are my two favorite things about church: preacher voice and little kids eating way too much communion. I know catholics do the thing where you all line up and the priest gives you a cracker, but at my church they pass around these plates with communion bread on it, which honestly looks pretty tasty. like a dehydrated biscuit or something. But I always watch it for as long as I can, and I try to keep an eye out for kids under like 12, especially when they're new to my parent's church because they don't know the protocol. Everybody takes like a little piece of the cracker and then the kid gets the plate and they're not really paying attention so they take like 2 whole crackers and mash those things down like a boss. And then they take like 4 shots of grape juice. Gotta love em. It just makes the awkward seriousness of communion and turns it into an awesome suspense comedy.
But preacher voice is SO funny. There is no other scenario where someone could talk like that and be taken seriously. And this isn't about what they're saying at all. It's all about delivery. Let me try to find a clip for you all so you have an idea of what I'm talking about. Nope can't find one. All youtube has to offer is white people doing bad impressions of stereotypical black preachers.
BONUS thing that I really like at church is people just yelling stuff at the preacher. There's typically like 3 things that people say, like "YUP" or "AMEN" or something like that, but occasionally you get the person who doesn't get church yelling protocol and then it's just pure gold. Anything longer than 3 words makes me laugh every time. "PREACH THE WORD OF GOD TO US MIKE" or something along those lines is typical and borderline acceptable church heckling if you wanna call it that. But if you get the combination of the right holiday and a weird enough dude out in the crowd you can get some beautiful stuff. "Thank you Jesus! Praise him! We need you Jesus! Teach us!" and just this long onslaught of yelling that clearly takes too long and doesnt fit into the preacher pause. It makes the rest of the time there completely worth it. And when people yell at inappropriate times is nice too. Yelling during scripture reading is excellent, especially when you happen to get accidental overlap between the scripture and the heckle.
"and jesus gave all those people fish, and everybody was psyched and they said to Jesus..."
"PREACH"
"yup, that is what they said thanks. maybe you just wanna yell out the rest of the verse huh? No? well then SHUT IT and let jesus talk"
OH last thing. Today the preacher was praying and all of a sudden in the middle of the prayer whoever was doing the lights turned off all the lights and spotlighted the guy super hard. He literally stopped in the middle of the prayer, opened his eyes and looked up at the balcony like this. I thanked Jesus for that one. What a nice guy he is, giving me a present for his birthday. Stand up guy, that jesus.
Welp my computer is about to die so I would like to wish you all a merry christmas. Especially Zisk.
Still waiting to hear back from King John Un. Maybe this site is blocked in North Korea and Un hasn't got the password for parental controls yet. Boom roasted.
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