Is it weird to floss in public? And by public I mean like in my car or something? I've been thinking of doing my flossing elsewhere because every time I go to bed it seems like I have a million things to do before I actually get to lay down and it's super annoying, so if I could cut flossing out of the equation it would save me like at least one minute. I need feedback on this and since I'm home, I have less access to people that I can ask these sort of questions to. I could always ask my mom, but then she would think I'm an idiot and tell my school that I'm probably cheating because, let's face it, people who think about flossing in the car clearly cannot pass their classes when taking 14 of them per semester. Unless they have Aspergers or something, but I clearly don't have that. Right? How did I ever write these things without memes? Next topic
You know what's the best? Driving in new england. So many cool roads. It's like a race course through the woods almost all the time. Back roads and back roads and back roads. I mean the layout makes no sense, but that's the best part. There were houses first and then roads to connect the houses, and that's the way it should be. When I'm going somewhere, I don't want to go in a straight line. Absolutely not. Get me away from the straight lines. I want squiggles (4:46). Give me the road where I'm like 77% going to hit a tree or a car every time. No more room on the side of roads. I want my car to barely fit, and sometimes maybe I wanna hit something. But I also think that cars should be really cheap so I can clip things and put all sorts of scrapes and dents in my car and be able to get a new one whenever I want. Basically life should be a video game and I don't understand why it's not yet. It's almost 2012, science. Get me easily recyclable cars that cost less than actually playing the cruisin USA game. No more of this virtual reality stuff. I want reality, but I also want extra lives and stuff. Come on, it's christmas, and it's also almost festivus. Which reminds me, I better start getting my grievances in order. Seems like I should have some pretty good ones this year. But of course I can think of nothing. BUT there is some huge news that needs to be discussed.
Dear Leader King Jong Il just died in the past 24 hours or so. And you know what that means! DICTATOR JOB IS OPEN. Now it may seem like Illy (that's what we in the dictator business call him) just left it to his son, but those of us in the know know that Un is too busy nomnomnoming to really want to be dictator. He's got no personality. No style. No class. No discernable shape. Gross looking fingers. He's a disgrace to dear leader and to his people. No way this guy is gonna shoot better than Illy did his first time on the links (38 under par) or rock grandpa glasses as hard as dear leader. Plus, he looks like he even used to like american culture and probably was an eminem fan. Now, I have no way of knowing if that's actually him or if it's Cameron but I assume it's him because it came up when I googled him. Just like how this is how obama really looked at some point and was also in the whoomp video.
 |
| Clearly Obama |
Anyway, Kim Jong Un does not have what it takes to properly suppress an entire country. A town? Yea. County? Maybe. State? Absolutely not. North Freaking Korea? I laugh in your general direction. There's a reason the pillsbury dough boy isn't a dictator, and it's because he kinda makes you giggle. I mean you can't just give a dude a bad fade and put him in a suit and call him a dictator. You might as well put a woman as dictato-hahahahahah I couldn't even type it all out. Obviously Un is better than a woman, but that's like saying he's better than not even having a dictator, and we all know that there needs to be a Korean dictator. But I won't be able to sleep at night knowing this clown is it. I'm going on the offensive here. As I clearly stated in the title of this blog, I am challenging Kim Jong Un to a battle to the death. You choose the weapons, the place, the time, and whatever other weird rules you want to choose to make me think that you're crazy enough to dictate (still doesnt sound right). Hell, if you want to have a gummy worm eating competition I'll smoke you in that. You may be a fatty mcfat-fat but I bet I can eat you under the table. Man up Un. You gotta stomp out all competition if you're gonna be a real dictator, and I'm the first of the seven evil exes you have to face to get the girl with the weird pink haircut who is actually pretty cute. And by pretty cute I mean She's babe! Shwing! Yadayadayada. HRRRRRR
And on the off-chance that Kim Jong Il isn't actually dead and he's just staging a heroic jesus-esque comeback in which he'll probably wait 4 days to come back to show that he's more powerful than western religion, I sincerery aporogize dear reader and I hope you have not taken my comments against your son too serirousry. But if you really are dead, then we're all a rittre bit ronery without you. I won't even bother posting the video because you know the one. Haiku, dear leader style.
hakiu five seven five
but not for the dearest leader
more surraburr each line.
No comments:
Post a Comment