I did something bad today.  It rained and I left my sunroof open.  Bad choice every time.  By my calculations, this was the third? or maybe fourth time I have done this to myself.  And that is why they call me soggy butt.  Fortunately I only left it about 1/3 of the way open, but unfortunately that does not mean that the parts of my car that got wet are only 1/3 wet.  On the contrary, they were and continue to be very wet, which in turn makes my butt very wet.  And that is why they do and will continue to call me soggy butt.  They do call me that.  Don't look at me like that.

Another thing that happened today is that it was cold.  And with the cold comes ashy face skin.  And that is why every winter they call me Lotion face.  I do a lot of giggling in the winter as I lotion my face.  I would be a good spokesperson for that.  You know, that is the first time I've ever written spokesperson and it does not look like the right word for what it means.  Do you think the first spokesperson was a spokesman for spokes?  Or do you think it was that they had spoken for the product?  I hope both.  I could use a good ironic twist.  I guess technically that would just be a coincidence, but I'm willing to stretch the definition of "irony" for my own purposes.  You don't like it?  Find another blog.  Wow that was aggressive.  Please keep reading.  We here at Please excuse our appearance value your pageview.  Please hold.












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Do you see what I did there?  I just customer serviced you.  To the face.  I hope you feel served.  I'm convinced that group dance battles happened for real at some point in American history.  The elaborate choreographed kind too.  I see no reason to not settle disputes that way, except that I would lose every time, and I'm not accustomed to losing.  So that is a reason.  We will not be settling disputes with dance offs, at least not as white people.  You other races can do whatever you want, as long as when you come argue with me we do it in whatever obscure format I choose.  Like yahtzee or backgammon or something that white people do.  Math problems maybe.  I dunno.  What do we do?  Someone help me.  I really only know what Maryland does.  That was a solid movie quote reference.  I'm curious if anyone besides my newest reader Jay got that just from reading the link.  Because everyone knows that Jay knows more about movies than is healthy.  Maybe if you spent more time studying and less time watching movies you could make something of yourself Jay.  Oh, you mean you're gonna be a doctor at 24 and you have like a 3.7 GPA?  Oh ok.  As you were.

I'm listening to a song in French right now and I'm super into it.  Does that make me a bad american?  What is it we don't like about French people again?  Their skinny moustaches?  Or is it their thinly striped shirts?  Or their phallic loaves of bread?  Sorry france, I'm just seeing a basket of overcompensation.  Cut it out and stop being so french.

I still haven't got my iphone4s.  The way you will know that I got it is that I will be writing like a thousand blogs a day.  or at least one at some point during most mornings.  And I will also probably say something like "THIS IS MY FIRST BLOG WRITTEN ON MY NEW IPHONE."  That will be your biggest hint.  Stupid Verizon.  Just give me my iphone already.  I'm impatient and irrationally demanding.  Also I saw one of those Hitler dubbed over videos today about the new iphone.  it was funny.  You can google it if you want, but the funniest part to me was "How will everyone be able to tell that I am better than them if my iphone looks exactly like the old one!?"  Such wisdom.  I think I just called hitler wise by accident.  I'm becoming a Zisk.  Don't worry non-UD readers, Zisk isn't actually a racist or anti-semite.  He just once told my dad that it was cool that my grandparents had to run away from the nazis to Shanghai.  There might be some other context that I'm forgetting, but I don't think so. 

Alright time for bed loyal readers.  I'll let the comment crowd write your haikus because theirs are typically way better anyway.  Take it away Tim/Shaq/Matt/SPFP.  I know you won't let me down.