hi there. face here! Feels like forever since I wrote a post even though it was only like 2 days ago. I have so much to say! Get ready because you're in for a good one. I think.
Today I was in class and I thought of a good idea. It's called "fart tennis." Really that is matt's game that I will be talking about later. My idea is to imagine all of my professors as cartoons. But not cute cartoons, like the awkward kind of gross Ren and Stimpy close-ups. Don't do meth kids. I was sitting back with my eyes closed moderately close to being asleep and I just started seeing my boy Iggy say "riiiiiiiiiiight?" but zoomed in really close to his eye and you could see all the capillaries and minor defects and stuff. I wish I could say that this awesome idea helped class go faster. My wish came true. It did. Suck it people who say if you say your wish out loud it won't come true. It's called goal setting, and it's important to verbalize. Also I saw my boy Christy jiggle his head as he said "hello?" and it went all slow motion and you could see the hairs he missed shaving that morning and all his minor skin flaws and stuff. Super zoomed in and slow-mo. Have you ever seen fat move in slow motion? Now you have. Kinda gross, but at the same time pretty funny? Like girls farting? Matt you are getting all sorts of shoutouts today. You killed the text game super hard today.
OK thing 2 I want to talk about. So I had a pretty lame weekend, and I was real stressed out the whole time. But that's not important. What IS important, however, is how I had an emo movie montage happen to me in real life on sunday night. So I went for a run at like 7:45 or so, and like a mile or so in I passed this brazilian restaurant, and they were playing "love stinks"! So obviously I started laughing really hard, and I was singing it to myself the whole rest of the run as I saw couples out walking their dogs, people riding bikes together, people talking and laughing outside at the gas station. All on a sunday night at like 8:00pm and it was breath-seeing cold outside. Come on people, go back inside. It was like a real life chick flick where I'm, like, Adam Sandler, and I just found out the girl I love is actually a golden retreiver or something (if you're reading this on a phone with no flash player, I'm sorry because that last line will make no sense unless you are really familiar with the awesome-o episode from south park). When I got back from my run I felt like a thousand times better, and I'm pretty sure it was because I had a montage. Sometimes you just need a montage. But seriously I'm depressed.
Tim to go to my phone to see what other funny stuff I meant to write about. Ah yes. I had a sneeze fart today, aka a snart. It was perfectly executed. Right in the middle of class, and my sneeze was just loud enough to cover my fart sound, but not so loud that if you happened to be listening for a fart you would have missed it. Who would be listening for a fart in the middle of the day in my classroom you ask? No one. And that's why I'm ronery. So ronery. So ronery and sadry arone. I know I've already posted this video and it's my second team america video in this post, but it's just so relevant and funny every time. Do you think Kim Jong Il ever saw that movie? Or do you think everybody tried reary hard to make sure he didn't see it so he didn't just start kirring peopr? Asian L/R mix-ups--always funny too.
I was watching the season premier of Dexter today (which you need to start watching if you haven't yet) and I there was a close up of a snake. This snake was probably the smartest thing I have ever seen in my whole life. Scratch that, this was on Breaking Bad. Also an awesome show. But nonetheless, this snake was killing it. He was coiled up and using his own tail as a headrest. Let me repeat that. HE WAS USING HIS OWN TAIL AS A HEADREST. Do you know how many innocent people I would kill to have a built in head rest? 0. I don't think I have cold-blooded murder in me. But I really want one. It you would be able to sleep standing up. That's all I think I need to say here. Can any of you sleep standing up? Because when I get my anatomical headrest/full body kickstand I will be able to. I want a stand like cardboard cutout people have. A right triangle coming out from my back, but I would be able to stow it away like how vacuum cords retract. give it a little tug and watch it shot back in. Ya dig.
So back to fart tennis. This game is an innovation unlike anything I have ever seen. And I have yet to see it in action. The way you play is that whenever you fart so that your opponent can hear it, you win a point. Scoring is like tennis. 15, 30, 40, deuce, etc. Matt says they usually play one set, but I imagine that could take days without dietary intervention. I have challenged Tim to a game via voice text. Only the voice I will be using is in my butt. Same premise, air passing quickly through a small space and cause vibration to create sound, just with gas from my GI instead of my lungs. I can't wait to save in farts for a whole class so I can go outside and record my fart. And by go outside I mean stay at my seat and tell all my friends (I have no friends) that I'm playing fart tennis. And after they yada yada yada me they will be intrigued and then I will make friends and then maybe I'll be able to get of this giant void in my life. Really I have issues and I need some intervention here. This is a cry for help.
Also in my phone I have written down "you don't want to get AIDS." I don't really know what the context to that was, but I think it speaks for itself.
Your boy Raichu stopped by today and he dropped off this haiku for all of you.
you don't want the AIDS
but you know what you do want?
fart tennis with me
I'm gonna start eating so many beans. It's getting cold out at night, so I can justify eating hot dog and baked beans again. I love that stuff so much. Some bread and butter on the side. Maybe some hummus? I've eaten 2 tubs of hummus in the past 2 days.
They call me the chickpea monster (see what I did there?)
Today I was in class and I thought of a good idea. It's called "fart tennis." Really that is matt's game that I will be talking about later. My idea is to imagine all of my professors as cartoons. But not cute cartoons, like the awkward kind of gross Ren and Stimpy close-ups. Don't do meth kids. I was sitting back with my eyes closed moderately close to being asleep and I just started seeing my boy Iggy say "riiiiiiiiiiight?" but zoomed in really close to his eye and you could see all the capillaries and minor defects and stuff. I wish I could say that this awesome idea helped class go faster. My wish came true. It did. Suck it people who say if you say your wish out loud it won't come true. It's called goal setting, and it's important to verbalize. Also I saw my boy Christy jiggle his head as he said "hello?" and it went all slow motion and you could see the hairs he missed shaving that morning and all his minor skin flaws and stuff. Super zoomed in and slow-mo. Have you ever seen fat move in slow motion? Now you have. Kinda gross, but at the same time pretty funny? Like girls farting? Matt you are getting all sorts of shoutouts today. You killed the text game super hard today.
OK thing 2 I want to talk about. So I had a pretty lame weekend, and I was real stressed out the whole time. But that's not important. What IS important, however, is how I had an emo movie montage happen to me in real life on sunday night. So I went for a run at like 7:45 or so, and like a mile or so in I passed this brazilian restaurant, and they were playing "love stinks"! So obviously I started laughing really hard, and I was singing it to myself the whole rest of the run as I saw couples out walking their dogs, people riding bikes together, people talking and laughing outside at the gas station. All on a sunday night at like 8:00pm and it was breath-seeing cold outside. Come on people, go back inside. It was like a real life chick flick where I'm, like, Adam Sandler, and I just found out the girl I love is actually a golden retreiver or something (if you're reading this on a phone with no flash player, I'm sorry because that last line will make no sense unless you are really familiar with the awesome-o episode from south park). When I got back from my run I felt like a thousand times better, and I'm pretty sure it was because I had a montage. Sometimes you just need a montage. But seriously I'm depressed.
Tim to go to my phone to see what other funny stuff I meant to write about. Ah yes. I had a sneeze fart today, aka a snart. It was perfectly executed. Right in the middle of class, and my sneeze was just loud enough to cover my fart sound, but not so loud that if you happened to be listening for a fart you would have missed it. Who would be listening for a fart in the middle of the day in my classroom you ask? No one. And that's why I'm ronery. So ronery. So ronery and sadry arone. I know I've already posted this video and it's my second team america video in this post, but it's just so relevant and funny every time. Do you think Kim Jong Il ever saw that movie? Or do you think everybody tried reary hard to make sure he didn't see it so he didn't just start kirring peopr? Asian L/R mix-ups--always funny too.
I was watching the season premier of Dexter today (which you need to start watching if you haven't yet) and I there was a close up of a snake. This snake was probably the smartest thing I have ever seen in my whole life. Scratch that, this was on Breaking Bad. Also an awesome show. But nonetheless, this snake was killing it. He was coiled up and using his own tail as a headrest. Let me repeat that. HE WAS USING HIS OWN TAIL AS A HEADREST. Do you know how many innocent people I would kill to have a built in head rest? 0. I don't think I have cold-blooded murder in me. But I really want one. It you would be able to sleep standing up. That's all I think I need to say here. Can any of you sleep standing up? Because when I get my anatomical headrest/full body kickstand I will be able to. I want a stand like cardboard cutout people have. A right triangle coming out from my back, but I would be able to stow it away like how vacuum cords retract. give it a little tug and watch it shot back in. Ya dig.
So back to fart tennis. This game is an innovation unlike anything I have ever seen. And I have yet to see it in action. The way you play is that whenever you fart so that your opponent can hear it, you win a point. Scoring is like tennis. 15, 30, 40, deuce, etc. Matt says they usually play one set, but I imagine that could take days without dietary intervention. I have challenged Tim to a game via voice text. Only the voice I will be using is in my butt. Same premise, air passing quickly through a small space and cause vibration to create sound, just with gas from my GI instead of my lungs. I can't wait to save in farts for a whole class so I can go outside and record my fart. And by go outside I mean stay at my seat and tell all my friends (I have no friends) that I'm playing fart tennis. And after they yada yada yada me they will be intrigued and then I will make friends and then maybe I'll be able to get of this giant void in my life. Really I have issues and I need some intervention here. This is a cry for help.
Also in my phone I have written down "you don't want to get AIDS." I don't really know what the context to that was, but I think it speaks for itself.
Your boy Raichu stopped by today and he dropped off this haiku for all of you.
you don't want the AIDS
but you know what you do want?
fart tennis with me
I'm gonna start eating so many beans. It's getting cold out at night, so I can justify eating hot dog and baked beans again. I love that stuff so much. Some bread and butter on the side. Maybe some hummus? I've eaten 2 tubs of hummus in the past 2 days.
They call me the chickpea monster (see what I did there?)
god fart tennis via voice text message is a good idea...so wise..
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