well I would like to apologize for my poor blog showing over the past few days. every once in a while I actually have things to do that encroach on my blog writing and this week has had more than its fair share. I would like to emphasize the usage of 'its' rather than 'it's' in that past sentence, because it really bothers me when people use the wrong homonyms. come on guys, use the proper there/they're/their. I realize contractions have messed with your head but that's no excuse. unless you use the wrong accept/except because those have some confusing and convoluted usages that really nobody but Mrs. Brackman from good old westwood high can figure out.
So just a heads up, this post is coming at you from 2:19 current time in good old missouri. And at this time I would like to announce that I, Drew "the best blogger of all time L---- (come on, I can't put my whole name in like that. I'm gonna have patients and kids some day) is going to be an uncle in about 7 months! I KNOW I'M SO EXCITED TOO!! Quick poll, who among you thinks I will be the best uncle of all time? Oh all of you think that? Good because you're right! I just saw the first picture of the little critter today via picture message of the ultrasound my sister got, and I'm absolutely giddy. Can't remember the last time I was this excited. I know this blog isn't usually about big important life changing events, but this one is too big to not write about. I am going to kill it so hard. Am I going to live within a thousand miles of this child for the first 2 years of its life? Absolutely not. Is it going to love me more than anyone else in the whole world? YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT. My new budget is as follows (in percentages of income): Money spent on beer--4% Money spent on skateboarding--4% Money spent on things for my niece/nephew==92%. Honestly I could get married and go pro in skateboarding and win all the lotteries in the next 7 months and not be as excited about that as I am about this kid. BRIDGET HURRY UP I WANT TO MEET YOUR CHILD. To be honest I found out about this like 3 weeks ago and I wasn't allowed to tell anybody. I think I got an ulcer from the stress of holding it in. I might as well have been banned from pooping for 3 weeks. absolutely killer. but now it's out there and you all better be excited. If you're not then stop reading right now.
I learned something else cool recently. Celine Dion claps by slapping her upper forearm. I don't know about you, but where I'm from (218 east main street) that's what you do when you're talking about something that is not appropriate for this blog. I have to draw a line somewhere in the content spectrum, and that's my line. Not at poops or liquid poops or farts or sharts. At the sound a forearm slap makes. most of you know what I'm saying here. especially nick MG who doesn't read this blog. Not cool Celine. and iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeiiiiiiiii will always judge youuuuuuu for doing the SBC (infer the acronym) clap as your normal clap. Cut that out.
One last thing before I go to bed. Nurtigrain bars are way way way way way way way too small. I need a XXXXL nurtrigrain bar stat. I'm tired of these 140 cal limp sorry excuses for a snack. You made such a tasty bar nutrigrain. Now make me an America sized one. I don't want to be unpeeling god knows how many loud packages to get to your oaty blueberry-y goodness. Just one big package. That's really what everybody wants. One big package. Do you see what I did there. That was a pun. But seriously I want a 8"x22" nutrigrain bar. one that takes me like 20 minutes to eat. like 1200 calories worth of grainy nutriness. get on it people. this blog is meant to inspire. now do something that I say for once. By the way, fart tennis is the greatest game ever. Recording farts on your phone is funny every time. I'm sorry I ever doubted you andy. You're a visionary.
I'm an uncle soon
gonna tell stories that mom
wouldn't approve of
they call me the renegade uncle. even though I'll be a doctor. I like to think of myself as someone who isn't such a narrow path white person, so just bear with me here. I realize my self image is incompatible with reality, just give me like 7 more months with my irrational sense of self before I settle in to normal white person stuff,
So just a heads up, this post is coming at you from 2:19 current time in good old missouri. And at this time I would like to announce that I, Drew "the best blogger of all time L---- (come on, I can't put my whole name in like that. I'm gonna have patients and kids some day) is going to be an uncle in about 7 months! I KNOW I'M SO EXCITED TOO!! Quick poll, who among you thinks I will be the best uncle of all time? Oh all of you think that? Good because you're right! I just saw the first picture of the little critter today via picture message of the ultrasound my sister got, and I'm absolutely giddy. Can't remember the last time I was this excited. I know this blog isn't usually about big important life changing events, but this one is too big to not write about. I am going to kill it so hard. Am I going to live within a thousand miles of this child for the first 2 years of its life? Absolutely not. Is it going to love me more than anyone else in the whole world? YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT. My new budget is as follows (in percentages of income): Money spent on beer--4% Money spent on skateboarding--4% Money spent on things for my niece/nephew==92%. Honestly I could get married and go pro in skateboarding and win all the lotteries in the next 7 months and not be as excited about that as I am about this kid. BRIDGET HURRY UP I WANT TO MEET YOUR CHILD. To be honest I found out about this like 3 weeks ago and I wasn't allowed to tell anybody. I think I got an ulcer from the stress of holding it in. I might as well have been banned from pooping for 3 weeks. absolutely killer. but now it's out there and you all better be excited. If you're not then stop reading right now.
I learned something else cool recently. Celine Dion claps by slapping her upper forearm. I don't know about you, but where I'm from (218 east main street) that's what you do when you're talking about something that is not appropriate for this blog. I have to draw a line somewhere in the content spectrum, and that's my line. Not at poops or liquid poops or farts or sharts. At the sound a forearm slap makes. most of you know what I'm saying here. especially nick MG who doesn't read this blog. Not cool Celine. and iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeiiiiiiiii will always judge youuuuuuu for doing the SBC (infer the acronym) clap as your normal clap. Cut that out.
One last thing before I go to bed. Nurtigrain bars are way way way way way way way too small. I need a XXXXL nurtrigrain bar stat. I'm tired of these 140 cal limp sorry excuses for a snack. You made such a tasty bar nutrigrain. Now make me an America sized one. I don't want to be unpeeling god knows how many loud packages to get to your oaty blueberry-y goodness. Just one big package. That's really what everybody wants. One big package. Do you see what I did there. That was a pun. But seriously I want a 8"x22" nutrigrain bar. one that takes me like 20 minutes to eat. like 1200 calories worth of grainy nutriness. get on it people. this blog is meant to inspire. now do something that I say for once. By the way, fart tennis is the greatest game ever. Recording farts on your phone is funny every time. I'm sorry I ever doubted you andy. You're a visionary.
I'm an uncle soon
gonna tell stories that mom
wouldn't approve of
they call me the renegade uncle. even though I'll be a doctor. I like to think of myself as someone who isn't such a narrow path white person, so just bear with me here. I realize my self image is incompatible with reality, just give me like 7 more months with my irrational sense of self before I settle in to normal white person stuff,
Out of context quote:
ReplyDelete"Everytime he eats peanut butter he shits himself."- Professor of Exercise Testing and Prescription
Beat that, Drew. BEAT IT.
Hey Drew,
ReplyDeleteRemember when _______ .
Good. I hope you're proud of yourself.
Insincerely,
Shack.
They do make a larger nutri-grain bar. You simply take a package of fig newtons then microwave them all together, and you will never lose shart tennis again.
That's right Drew, Shart Tennis. Prepare to be Shaqsharted fullfartedly.
Shart Tennis
Isn't Fart Tennis
I will call my First
The Oregon Trail.
See what I did there? It's beginning in Missouri with you Drew, and I hope to see you eating Sacajawea's chrum on the Snake River by the time we get to the 5th deuce in the first set. It also implies that I will be needing replacement underwear. Clearly, everybody wins.
Except Zisk.
slow clap shaq's comment
ReplyDeletesharted my pants with laughter
need new undies too