mandatory easter blog

I was asked to write a blog fo real, so I decided that today would be a good day to do it, since I'm putting off studying and all.  But really, I've done about 1.5 hours of work over the past 4 hours.  So that's good.  At least something got done.  here's your blog.

It feels right to be back here, laying in my bed, supported by pillows, writing another glorious blog for all of you.  I know I've been busy this semester doing stuff that involves not writing blogs, but truth be told, I've really missed you all.  And by you all I mean typing mindlessly into this white box surrounded by an off-white border.

you've all been inceptioned

So I guess we should really get down to it.  What have I been doing?  How have I been? Have I gone through another toilet paper roll?  How are my ants?  All valid questions.  And I will answer them all.  Not much.  OK.  No.  Good.

Now that we're all caught up, I feel as though I should start on a fresh, but relevant topic: my love of Easter.  And not even in a sarcastic, "I'm not religious but I'm going to make fun of you for being religious on my blog" kind of way.  No.  This is, of course, about Cadbury eggs.  Only the greatest candy of all time.  And you know what the best time to buy cadbury eggs is?  The day after Easter.  Tomorrow, I am planning on spending my entire latest paycheck of $61.52 on Cadbury eggs, and then get completely chocolate wasted.  By the way, "Jack and Jill" got some prestigious awards recently.  So really what this all comes down to is the ratio in which I buy creme eggs to caramel eggs.  obviously I'm buying more creme than caramel, but how many more?  How often and I going to have to eat a caramel egg to cleanse my palate for more creme?  I'm willing to take suggestions, but my  guess is I'll end up with about a 2.2:1 ratio.  Because I will be buying at least 22 creme eggs.  I'm trying to punish my teeth.  Also I like Charleston chews.

Speaking of my teeth, I just bought a tongue scraper.  I very rarely care about my personal hygiene, but I was completely disgusted with the stuff that came off of my tongue yesterday.  And I even brush my tongue on a regular basis.  Didn't matter.  My tongue has never looked healthier than it did post tongue scraping.  I had been in the market for a tongue scraper for months now, but I did not realize that I could get one at walmart, which was obviously a huge mistake on my part.  Because when you can buy both baby formula and assault rifles at a store, you better believe they have tongue scrapers too.  I just tried to think of a joke about a baby and assault rifle store and I could not think of a good one.  either I'm rusty at the blog game right now or there really is no good, at least mildly tasteful way to make like a "rifles-R-us" joke or something like that.  yay photoshop!

So this is the first time I can remember where I was not home for easter, which means I am missing out on a super good meal at the fancy table at my parents' house.  Here is what I have consumed today so far: bowl of cereal, 2 oranges, chips and salsa, crackers and hummus, and an undisclosed amount of water.  I will probably have the cheesiest for dinner, because I got the blues.  Boom.  Back on my game.  But seriously, I don't think I would have any real attachment for any holiday if not for the glorious meals that always accompany them.  And the best part is the buildup.  Every fall, as it gets colder, everything starts reminding me of turkey.  Warmth literally smells like hot dogs.  Snow flakes don't reflect rainbows, just a giant ham in the sky.  The only bad thing about these glorious meals is that I inevitably spill something red and fast-absorbing on my nicest clothes.  Basically what I'm saying is that I haven't perfected the "balance things on your fork for long enough to get it to your mouth" thing. Also I failed the closed eyes nose touching test this semester when my boy Dr. black doug tested my cerebellar function.  I may or may not have a congenital cerebellar disorder.  Or maybe I've just had one too many minor (read major) head traumas.  Now I want ham.  Mom, you better save me some of that ham from this afternoon for 3 weeks until I get home.  Who am I kidding, my parents eat next to no food.  I'm gonna have a whole ham to myself.  So what I'm really trying to say with all of this is happy easter.

This semester is coming to a close pretty soon, and it's been a wild one.  If you all don't mind I would like to take a while to have a montage to the song "graduation" by vitamin C.  Now if you could, turn that song on and read the next few lines very slowly, and have pictures fade in and out as I mention them.  Soft zoom out from my inquisitive look.  Indoor soccer.  Reddit.  That two weeks where I went to the gym.  That first weekend I went to Brian's apartment and found that hubcap on the street.  The patriots lost the superbowl and then gisele whined about wes welker not being able to catch.  Guatemala trip.  Chicago with brittany.  Midterms and stuff.  That time that all of a sudden it was spring on february 20th or so.  Bow tie wearing.  Being really poor.  Going to trivia.  Boards.  Whatever happened that night after boards.  Punishing myself.  Having a suspicious number of distal forearm cuts.  Brittany came to visit.  Being too poor to play golf. Realizing that monday and tuesday of next week are going to be a huge beatdown.  Writing this blog to avoid my future problems.  Zoom back in. song fades out.  It's been a good semester, kind of.  I forgot to brush my teeth this morning.  Fortunately I haven't really got out of bed yet so it's technically still morning.  And on that note, I think I should leave you.  I hope to write another blog soon, but as usual, no guarantees.  After school ends I should have a solid couple weeks of blogs.  Especially while I'm at Brit's and she's being punished in class.  Here's your gif.