So today I am blogging purely because I need to kill some time. Breaking Bad premiers tonight at 9 central (aka fake time) and it's only 5:41 as I'm starting this blog. Also the cable in my living room is not working. It's working in my room but I don't get HBO in my room so essentially it's worthless. Amazing how quickly I become conditioned to luxury. They call me the spoiled child. I could go to the skatepark but I already showered today and everybody knows you're not allowed to shower twice in a day. So, here I am today. Blogging away. In the shade. Styling my hair with pomade. But not really that. But maybe I will start doing that. But really I won't. Here is your sunday blog. COMMENCE.
Did you guys know that commencement really means beginning? I love english so much. I was about to go on a rant about how much I hate english, but then I realized how unbelievably awesome it is. You know what it does? Puts us all up on a pedestal. Oh, you don't know how to speak the most confusing language known to man? You must be an idiot and get out of my country. And on top of that, America is so jacked that if you don't speak english you can't make it in international business/relations. The worst language has become the default language for international stuff. America is awesome. You know what the most logical international language would be? Norwegian. My boy Daniel, the only Norwegian guy I know, told me that Norwegian is close enough to Swedish and Danish that you can have conversations where one person is speaking Norwegian and the other person is speaking Danish/Swedish. You know what the coolest part about this little language love triangle is? It's really just a love angle, because people speaking Danish and Swedish can't understand each other. Danish and Swedish intersect at a point, and that point is Norwegian. How cool is that? That's like some super meta world peace stuff. I mean, of course if norwegian was the powerhouse language, then only people in those 3 slavic countries would benefit, but who cares? Also this is interesting. Literally the only 3 countries that I was going to name with English as it's national language don't have a national language. Freaking internet. You only show me the most useful information.
Moving on to my next thought, I would like to give my girl Brittany a shoutout for finishing ortho without needing a psych evaluation or picking up a drug habit. I know I tell you this all the time when you do things that don't merit pride at all, but for real I am actually so proud of you this time! They call you the musculoskeletal master. Nicknames are better with alliteration. As are real names. And really all word coupling. I will do my best from now on to bundle blocks of words with the same starting letters. I intentionally did it more than two times last sentence to keep my covenant. It seems as though my blog will be using the thesaurus much more. And now I have lost patience with this.
I have had the fortune of being able to go to the skatepark three times this past week. This has been very exciting for me. Not only does it give me the opportunity to sweat profusely and wear pants when it is contraindicated, it allows me to meet people that also enjoy skateboarding. This is something that I have looked forward to for some time. I have managed to meet many men manipulating man-made plywood platforms, performing perilous stunts standing and sliding solely on slippery skateboards. Did that sentence make sense? Maybe. But really, that's the end of alliteration blog. Also I'm a literary genius. But really, meeting grown people with wives (one each), children (plausibly more than one), and houses (1+/- 1) gives me hope for the future. A future where I can be old and skate my miniramp that I built until my body gives out. A future where all the neighbor kids want to come skate my ramp and I chase them away with a broom, but it's really just a joke because I have 12 year old friends and I'm not even a Chester the child molester or anything, despite what my fantasy football team name and hidden file on my computer called "favorite books" might suggest. A future where I can continue to make poop jokes and write this blog forever, but somehow people actually respect me as an adult. I'm talking about having my cake and eating it too people. Because this is AMERICA and I should be able to dip my fried chicken fingers into fake cheese product sauce and then throw it up after so I can still be attractive and then when my teeth rot from the stomach acid exposure I get fake teeth that are even stronger and whiter than my old teeth and I don't even notice the difference after a few years. That's what I'm TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE. The real American dream isn't owning a house and giving your kids a better life than you had, because my life is totally awesome and I'm way less responsible than my parents; the American dream is about skateboarding into your forties up to the point that you need new legs and then they give you titanium robot legs that make you able to ollie way higher than you ever did before.
And THAT is the kind of rant you people come here for. Skateboarding, america, pedophilia, cake, prosthetics. This one had it all. Here's your gif. I'm out.
Did you guys know that commencement really means beginning? I love english so much. I was about to go on a rant about how much I hate english, but then I realized how unbelievably awesome it is. You know what it does? Puts us all up on a pedestal. Oh, you don't know how to speak the most confusing language known to man? You must be an idiot and get out of my country. And on top of that, America is so jacked that if you don't speak english you can't make it in international business/relations. The worst language has become the default language for international stuff. America is awesome. You know what the most logical international language would be? Norwegian. My boy Daniel, the only Norwegian guy I know, told me that Norwegian is close enough to Swedish and Danish that you can have conversations where one person is speaking Norwegian and the other person is speaking Danish/Swedish. You know what the coolest part about this little language love triangle is? It's really just a love angle, because people speaking Danish and Swedish can't understand each other. Danish and Swedish intersect at a point, and that point is Norwegian. How cool is that? That's like some super meta world peace stuff. I mean, of course if norwegian was the powerhouse language, then only people in those 3 slavic countries would benefit, but who cares? Also this is interesting. Literally the only 3 countries that I was going to name with English as it's national language don't have a national language. Freaking internet. You only show me the most useful information.
Moving on to my next thought, I would like to give my girl Brittany a shoutout for finishing ortho without needing a psych evaluation or picking up a drug habit. I know I tell you this all the time when you do things that don't merit pride at all, but for real I am actually so proud of you this time! They call you the musculoskeletal master. Nicknames are better with alliteration. As are real names. And really all word coupling. I will do my best from now on to bundle blocks of words with the same starting letters. I intentionally did it more than two times last sentence to keep my covenant. It seems as though my blog will be using the thesaurus much more. And now I have lost patience with this.
I have had the fortune of being able to go to the skatepark three times this past week. This has been very exciting for me. Not only does it give me the opportunity to sweat profusely and wear pants when it is contraindicated, it allows me to meet people that also enjoy skateboarding. This is something that I have looked forward to for some time. I have managed to meet many men manipulating man-made plywood platforms, performing perilous stunts standing and sliding solely on slippery skateboards. Did that sentence make sense? Maybe. But really, that's the end of alliteration blog. Also I'm a literary genius. But really, meeting grown people with wives (one each), children (plausibly more than one), and houses (1+/- 1) gives me hope for the future. A future where I can be old and skate my miniramp that I built until my body gives out. A future where all the neighbor kids want to come skate my ramp and I chase them away with a broom, but it's really just a joke because I have 12 year old friends and I'm not even a Chester the child molester or anything, despite what my fantasy football team name and hidden file on my computer called "favorite books" might suggest. A future where I can continue to make poop jokes and write this blog forever, but somehow people actually respect me as an adult. I'm talking about having my cake and eating it too people. Because this is AMERICA and I should be able to dip my fried chicken fingers into fake cheese product sauce and then throw it up after so I can still be attractive and then when my teeth rot from the stomach acid exposure I get fake teeth that are even stronger and whiter than my old teeth and I don't even notice the difference after a few years. That's what I'm TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE. The real American dream isn't owning a house and giving your kids a better life than you had, because my life is totally awesome and I'm way less responsible than my parents; the American dream is about skateboarding into your forties up to the point that you need new legs and then they give you titanium robot legs that make you able to ollie way higher than you ever did before.
And THAT is the kind of rant you people come here for. Skateboarding, america, pedophilia, cake, prosthetics. This one had it all. Here's your gif. I'm out.
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