it really feels like I've been letting you all down with the blog lately. I'm busy alright? Grad school is actually starting to feel like grad school. I always knew my life would be busy at some point, and that point is now. So for all of you who painstakingly follow my blog, I apologize. Although most of you are in grad school anyway so you really should be studying or something. Stop wasting your time on silly websites with K Shankar backgrounds and get to work. But seriously keep reading even though I haven't written much. Did I mention I haven't written much? Yes. 3 times this paragraph. Next topic.
You know what I really dont like? Fingernails. I really wish they would stop growing. It seems like that as an adult I should be able to figure out how to make things stop growing. Has nobody figured that out yet? Our best defense against things getting really big is still "cut it off?" Come on science. I know I ask you for things pretty often, but this seems like something you should have tackled a long time ago. You haven't even replaced feet yet, and I asked for that like a month ago. Last paragraph. Ok maybe I didn't ask science specifically, but I did whine about it. Clearly that was a cry for help, and if science didn't get that then it doesn't understand me and maybe we shouldnt even be together at all! What do I have to do, science? Beg? Spell it out for you? No. I cannot and will not. You know what? I really like spelling cannot as one word. I'm happy somebody decided that was an acceptable way of spelling. I assume it was Britain that did that, probably back before they were Great Britain. It kinda got a big head and stopped trying when it changed its name to Great Britain. Like when Prince became that symbol. Come on Prince, we get that you're weird. At some point you gotta stop trying to outdo yourself. Creativity is one thing, and forced creativity is also a thing. But it is a worse thing. That's how you end up with the Zune. It's taking forever to image search for zune because everybody is too ashamed to upload a picture of their zune to the internet. It might as well have asked me "are you sure you wanted to search for zune? nobody has searched for that thing in like 6 years. Just get an ipod brojohn." I'm an apple fanboy. I love you Steve Wozniak. You're the only Steve I have left.
Oh man I have sort of missed this. Blogging in class is just not the same. I'm constantly worried that someone is watching me and judging me for still having a blog. But here in my bed listening to pandora with no pants on it just feels so right. I actually am wearing pants. Or am I? I am. I recently came across a book called F U Penguin thanks to my boy Black Doug. If you like this blog, you will probably like F U Penguin way more than you like this blog. It's like my blog but streamlined funniness and strictly about cute animals. So Meghan and Kristen, if you read this, get that book. and read the crap out of it. also F U Penguin is a website, and it swears more than this blog because the author of F U Penguin will not have patients in the future who are internet savvy. Or patients at all for that matter. I, on the other hand, will hopefully have patients and hopefully the internet will still exist in 3 years. otherwise I have no idea how I'm going to spend my future time. Not writing a blog? Psh. Don't think so. By the way, in case I haven't pushed this book enough, here is another time for me writing F U Penguin. Cut me a check BZA! I'm broke and I haven't been discovered yet so I don't have a book deal. Somebody owes me a book deal. I've been working not that hard at this blog for multiple months now. I should be rewarded for this somehow. Somebody get me a book deal STAT. Statim in latin means immediately. Don't believe me? Ask Ms. Roy, former Westwood High School latin teacher. I hope this is the first hit when somebody googles "Ms. Roy Westwood Latin" so I'm gonna go ahead and put it in quotes. I miss you Ms. Roy. I'm positive you won't remember me but I always really liked you and I hope you're doing well. Also I remember you liked Wessagusset Beach. I think it was a beach. "Ms. Roy Westwood Latin Wessagusset" hit me up google.
I'm not sure if I told you all what I was for halloween this year, but if I have not, here it is. I started off as Bill Nye, then decided I wanted to be juggalo Bill Nye, and then decided that juggalo facepaint was way too scary and went back to Bill Nye regular style. Dude, juggalos are scary. My boy Wes thought it was funny, but very few other people would have really got the reference and it would have been a real awkward night for me. You know the worst part of halloween? The 2 people at every party who still think that halloween is supposed to be about scary things. News flash bro. Halloween hasn't been about scary things since 1800's Mexico. It's about candy, funny costumes, and parties, just like every other holiday now. Not trying to see your weirdly realistic gory mask or listen to your creepy voice. Oh that was your real voice? You had throat cancer and now you talk like that all the time? Well I don't feel bad because you chose a really unfortunate mask to go with your otherwise not creepy but in this context pretty creepy voice. Shoulda seen that one coming. I'm getting a feeling I already kinda blogged about this. Welp, you already knew this is a free website and I'm not a journalist and I have no artistic integrity.
Guys. Thanksgiving is right around the corner. You know what that means? I get to massively overeat and not feet bad about it yay! I'm not sure if I've blogged about pie yet. I love pie. Wow I was weird in middle school. I used to watch those videos all the time. And eskimo bob. But that's besides the point. I honestly cant decide even a little bit what my favorite thanksgiving food is. For years I would not eat stuffing. Let me go on record saying I was an IDIOT. Stuffing is one of the greatest inventions ever. You know what happiness is? Seeing two giant pots in the line of food for thanksgiving and having them both filled with different flavors of stuffing. That's how awesome stuffing is. You can make it out of WHATEVER YOU WANT and it's still the greatest food around. And then there is cranberry sauce. And there is warm rolls. And there is gravy. Are you kidding me with gravy? Can anyone beat gravy? I mean we shouldnt even bother going to war anymore. Let's just send the other countries gravy and they will love us so hard. Let's take a look at countries we've been in wars with in the past. 1-England. You know when we started fighting with England? They wanted all our gravy and we wanted Boston Harbor tea or something. Then we beat them and we started selling them gravy and now it's cool. 2-Germany. They had all that schnitzel and no gravy. what's chicken without gravy? Just chicken. I'd be pissed too. 3-Russia. All those potatoes, no gravy. come on. who didn't see that one coming. It's history kids. Watch the history channel.
Alright well this has been great. I've missed you all telling me how funny I am. I hope you all enjoyed seeing the real life Santa last weekend. I look forward to talking at you via the internet again soon. Here's your haiku. And I would also like another installment of "Comment haikus by everyone else" because your haikus are always super funny.
F U Pengiun book
stuff white people like book deal
Drew is getting screwed
They call me the resurgent blogger
You know what I really dont like? Fingernails. I really wish they would stop growing. It seems like that as an adult I should be able to figure out how to make things stop growing. Has nobody figured that out yet? Our best defense against things getting really big is still "cut it off?" Come on science. I know I ask you for things pretty often, but this seems like something you should have tackled a long time ago. You haven't even replaced feet yet, and I asked for that like a month ago. Last paragraph. Ok maybe I didn't ask science specifically, but I did whine about it. Clearly that was a cry for help, and if science didn't get that then it doesn't understand me and maybe we shouldnt even be together at all! What do I have to do, science? Beg? Spell it out for you? No. I cannot and will not. You know what? I really like spelling cannot as one word. I'm happy somebody decided that was an acceptable way of spelling. I assume it was Britain that did that, probably back before they were Great Britain. It kinda got a big head and stopped trying when it changed its name to Great Britain. Like when Prince became that symbol. Come on Prince, we get that you're weird. At some point you gotta stop trying to outdo yourself. Creativity is one thing, and forced creativity is also a thing. But it is a worse thing. That's how you end up with the Zune. It's taking forever to image search for zune because everybody is too ashamed to upload a picture of their zune to the internet. It might as well have asked me "are you sure you wanted to search for zune? nobody has searched for that thing in like 6 years. Just get an ipod brojohn." I'm an apple fanboy. I love you Steve Wozniak. You're the only Steve I have left.
Oh man I have sort of missed this. Blogging in class is just not the same. I'm constantly worried that someone is watching me and judging me for still having a blog. But here in my bed listening to pandora with no pants on it just feels so right. I actually am wearing pants. Or am I? I am. I recently came across a book called F U Penguin thanks to my boy Black Doug. If you like this blog, you will probably like F U Penguin way more than you like this blog. It's like my blog but streamlined funniness and strictly about cute animals. So Meghan and Kristen, if you read this, get that book. and read the crap out of it. also F U Penguin is a website, and it swears more than this blog because the author of F U Penguin will not have patients in the future who are internet savvy. Or patients at all for that matter. I, on the other hand, will hopefully have patients and hopefully the internet will still exist in 3 years. otherwise I have no idea how I'm going to spend my future time. Not writing a blog? Psh. Don't think so. By the way, in case I haven't pushed this book enough, here is another time for me writing F U Penguin. Cut me a check BZA! I'm broke and I haven't been discovered yet so I don't have a book deal. Somebody owes me a book deal. I've been working not that hard at this blog for multiple months now. I should be rewarded for this somehow. Somebody get me a book deal STAT. Statim in latin means immediately. Don't believe me? Ask Ms. Roy, former Westwood High School latin teacher. I hope this is the first hit when somebody googles "Ms. Roy Westwood Latin" so I'm gonna go ahead and put it in quotes. I miss you Ms. Roy. I'm positive you won't remember me but I always really liked you and I hope you're doing well. Also I remember you liked Wessagusset Beach. I think it was a beach. "Ms. Roy Westwood Latin Wessagusset" hit me up google.
I'm not sure if I told you all what I was for halloween this year, but if I have not, here it is. I started off as Bill Nye, then decided I wanted to be juggalo Bill Nye, and then decided that juggalo facepaint was way too scary and went back to Bill Nye regular style. Dude, juggalos are scary. My boy Wes thought it was funny, but very few other people would have really got the reference and it would have been a real awkward night for me. You know the worst part of halloween? The 2 people at every party who still think that halloween is supposed to be about scary things. News flash bro. Halloween hasn't been about scary things since 1800's Mexico. It's about candy, funny costumes, and parties, just like every other holiday now. Not trying to see your weirdly realistic gory mask or listen to your creepy voice. Oh that was your real voice? You had throat cancer and now you talk like that all the time? Well I don't feel bad because you chose a really unfortunate mask to go with your otherwise not creepy but in this context pretty creepy voice. Shoulda seen that one coming. I'm getting a feeling I already kinda blogged about this. Welp, you already knew this is a free website and I'm not a journalist and I have no artistic integrity.
Guys. Thanksgiving is right around the corner. You know what that means? I get to massively overeat and not feet bad about it yay! I'm not sure if I've blogged about pie yet. I love pie. Wow I was weird in middle school. I used to watch those videos all the time. And eskimo bob. But that's besides the point. I honestly cant decide even a little bit what my favorite thanksgiving food is. For years I would not eat stuffing. Let me go on record saying I was an IDIOT. Stuffing is one of the greatest inventions ever. You know what happiness is? Seeing two giant pots in the line of food for thanksgiving and having them both filled with different flavors of stuffing. That's how awesome stuffing is. You can make it out of WHATEVER YOU WANT and it's still the greatest food around. And then there is cranberry sauce. And there is warm rolls. And there is gravy. Are you kidding me with gravy? Can anyone beat gravy? I mean we shouldnt even bother going to war anymore. Let's just send the other countries gravy and they will love us so hard. Let's take a look at countries we've been in wars with in the past. 1-England. You know when we started fighting with England? They wanted all our gravy and we wanted Boston Harbor tea or something. Then we beat them and we started selling them gravy and now it's cool. 2-Germany. They had all that schnitzel and no gravy. what's chicken without gravy? Just chicken. I'd be pissed too. 3-Russia. All those potatoes, no gravy. come on. who didn't see that one coming. It's history kids. Watch the history channel.
Alright well this has been great. I've missed you all telling me how funny I am. I hope you all enjoyed seeing the real life Santa last weekend. I look forward to talking at you via the internet again soon. Here's your haiku. And I would also like another installment of "Comment haikus by everyone else" because your haikus are always super funny.
F U Pengiun book
stuff white people like book deal
Drew is getting screwed
They call me the resurgent blogger
wilkommen back drew!
ReplyDeleteto ze graytest blog of all...
til i saw flula.
but seriously... if you have time to watch any of this guys stuff ever, you must do it. it's unbelievable.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jwp4Km6bxIc
he's everything i want to be and more.
I too love gravy
ReplyDeleteit is a great lubricant
only use on food