So I think it's officially winter now. It's not like super freezing or anything, but it's definitely not warm anymore at any point. I need to bring gloves back with me. You know how when you're a kid you never wanna wear any warm clothes because you think it's lame? Oh that was just me? Ok, well I have officially grown out of that phase. I'm tired of cold fingers. I need warm hands. Why is my butt always so warm and my fingers so cold. "Actually Drew it's because of blood circulation and your body's tendency to keep warmth centralized when it gets cold to save your organs and" SHUT UP I KNOW WHY. Can't a guy complain rhetorically without getting an inner monologue lecture? I get it, finals are coming up and you wanna do well. Speaking of finals, I found out today that I have a practical exam tomorrow. Good thing I'm super smart because I'm gonna smoke show this exam. And all the rest of my exams with the exception of probably pathology and fund dx. Let's face it, my knowledge of blood disorders is not going to make or break me in clinic. Let's play a little game called "How Drew is going to handle patients that ask questions about their blood disorder." Here we go:
"Hey Dr. Drew, is there anything I should be doing in particular about my ________?"
"You know what patient? I don't know about that disease but I would be happy to read up on it and get back to you next time you come in. If there's something I can't answer, I can always refer you to someone who can."
"Ok thanks Dr. Drew you're so smart and good looking and I wish I was you!"
"Everyone does patient. Everyone does."
Boom disaster averted and I don't have to ever learn pathology.
So I've been thinking about moving when my lease is up here and I decided to look in the best of places: Craigslist. I can't wait to live in a craigslist house. I want it to be like a reality TV show. Honestly I've had such good luck with my current roommate that I really want something to go terribly wrong in this next living situation so that 1) I can blog about it and it will be funny and 2) I can go Joe Kleiman all over them and say "wait what?" all the time. Shoutout to Jeff Kinney and Finberg if you still read this for being the only ones to get that reference. Also shoutout to Joe Kleiman for being a boss. Hopefully you google yourself and find this blog and remember me from 2007 freshman heavyweights. Sorry for quitting. But not that sorry.
But anyway more about craigslist. All the deals look so good but I don't trust any of them. Here is why I don't trust things on craigslist. Because they have a whole section of their website for people to give shoutouts to someone that gave them a boner. You cant trust a place like that. Imagine the conjugate real life place to that website. Just people wandering around in a room saying things out loud like "You were my cashier at walmart and you had the cutest gold tooth. I think I could really satisfy you. Tell me what brand of hot dog I bought if you've been thinking of me too." The worst part about that is that it wouldn't even be that weird of a missed connection. I'm gonna click 3 and copy and paste the weirdest one. Here goes. Aaaaaaand it only took one.
"You was working and just got scared by a squirrel in the dumpster lol I guess you caught me checking you out and told me your squirrel story lol I just wanted tell you that your a little hottie! If you remember me and want to hook up let me know!"
This is unacceptable. You can't trust the internet, people. With or without the comma. Definitely don't trust internet people. If someone tells you they are an internet person, run away. This paragraph didnt really make sense except to me. I think that's the case more often than I realize.
You know how else I know it's winter? I'm getting really lazy for no reason. I got out of school early today and had all the time in the world to go skate. Instead? Ate chips and salsa, watched internet TV and started on this blog. And also I'm gonna make some ringtones. Because I can. The cold makes you do crazy things. The more I think about it, the more I am realizing that I'm gonna have to build my own house. Because I want weird things in there. I'm gonna need a basement with tall ceilings and a urinal, unnecessary doors, a hammock floor, I want a slide, all this weird stuff. I'm not gonna have any money for kids. Sorry kids, but your needs come after my desire for a super awesome house. Your dad is somewhat out of his mind, but it's OK because you'll never have to walk down stairs in your house because you'll have a slide. Good trade.
Sorry for the shameless Berrics plug but it's the only place I've ever seen a picture of Busenitz's hammock floor to the upstairs of his house. I'm gonna add a caption so next time anybody googles busenitz hammock it comes right here. It's all about strategy here guys. Let's make my blog blow up so I can get rich off it and stop talking to all of you. Here's your haiku
It's real cold outside
but my farts warm up my butt
but not for that long
How am I the least busy with finals coming up? Someone explain this anomaly to me.
"Hey Dr. Drew, is there anything I should be doing in particular about my ________?"
"You know what patient? I don't know about that disease but I would be happy to read up on it and get back to you next time you come in. If there's something I can't answer, I can always refer you to someone who can."
"Ok thanks Dr. Drew you're so smart and good looking and I wish I was you!"
"Everyone does patient. Everyone does."
Boom disaster averted and I don't have to ever learn pathology.
So I've been thinking about moving when my lease is up here and I decided to look in the best of places: Craigslist. I can't wait to live in a craigslist house. I want it to be like a reality TV show. Honestly I've had such good luck with my current roommate that I really want something to go terribly wrong in this next living situation so that 1) I can blog about it and it will be funny and 2) I can go Joe Kleiman all over them and say "wait what?" all the time. Shoutout to Jeff Kinney and Finberg if you still read this for being the only ones to get that reference. Also shoutout to Joe Kleiman for being a boss. Hopefully you google yourself and find this blog and remember me from 2007 freshman heavyweights. Sorry for quitting. But not that sorry.
But anyway more about craigslist. All the deals look so good but I don't trust any of them. Here is why I don't trust things on craigslist. Because they have a whole section of their website for people to give shoutouts to someone that gave them a boner. You cant trust a place like that. Imagine the conjugate real life place to that website. Just people wandering around in a room saying things out loud like "You were my cashier at walmart and you had the cutest gold tooth. I think I could really satisfy you. Tell me what brand of hot dog I bought if you've been thinking of me too." The worst part about that is that it wouldn't even be that weird of a missed connection. I'm gonna click 3 and copy and paste the weirdest one. Here goes. Aaaaaaand it only took one.
"You was working and just got scared by a squirrel in the dumpster lol I guess you caught me checking you out and told me your squirrel story lol I just wanted tell you that your a little hottie! If you remember me and want to hook up let me know!"
This is unacceptable. You can't trust the internet, people. With or without the comma. Definitely don't trust internet people. If someone tells you they are an internet person, run away. This paragraph didnt really make sense except to me. I think that's the case more often than I realize.
You know how else I know it's winter? I'm getting really lazy for no reason. I got out of school early today and had all the time in the world to go skate. Instead? Ate chips and salsa, watched internet TV and started on this blog. And also I'm gonna make some ringtones. Because I can. The cold makes you do crazy things. The more I think about it, the more I am realizing that I'm gonna have to build my own house. Because I want weird things in there. I'm gonna need a basement with tall ceilings and a urinal, unnecessary doors, a hammock floor, I want a slide, all this weird stuff. I'm not gonna have any money for kids. Sorry kids, but your needs come after my desire for a super awesome house. Your dad is somewhat out of his mind, but it's OK because you'll never have to walk down stairs in your house because you'll have a slide. Good trade.
 |
| Busenitz Hammock Floor |
It's real cold outside
but my farts warm up my butt
but not for that long
How am I the least busy with finals coming up? Someone explain this anomaly to me.
http://www.barstoolsports.com/nyc/super-page/nyc-putting-up-haikus-to-get-pedestrians-to-pay-attention-to-traffic/
ReplyDeletedrew that haiku made me laugh very hard. its time to start fart tennis again.
ReplyDeletei also just realized that both of the above sentences had rhyming words in them... this pleases me.