Monday is a day

Whats up everybody.  Settle down, because I got some stuff to say.

The ants I ordered for the colorful ant farm Aaron got me for christmas came in this week!  And by this week I mean probably about a week and a half ago because I haven't been checking my mail.  In a related story I'm late on my electric bill.  But more importantly, the ants.  They are harvester ants, which for those of you who don't know anything about ants (aka all of you) that means they are dark red and sting like a boss.  So I've been sleeping with one eye open to make sure theyre not trying to get back at me for leaving them in the dark in that tube for an extra 10 days.  Well so far I've thought that I killed them 3 ways.  First I thought they might be dead from leaving them in the tube too long.  Still alive.  Second I thought I killed them from drowning them (even though I watched a bunch of them walking on water.  Maybe we should be calling them carpenter ants [because Jesus]).  Still alive.  Then I thought I might have killed them from shaking the case.  Nope.  Still kicking.  So what I'm saying is that these things are invincible and I think they might try to overthrow me.  Like the cartoons.  If I go missing, you know where to look.  Because just like bats can eat up to 3000 times their body weight and dogs see upside down, ants can carry 100000000 times their body weight.  It's science.  I'm also really excited for these things to start tunneling.  Even though they all look dead again.  You can't fool me again ants.  I know you're still alive.  You weren't in that giant clump in the corner this morning.  Guys?  You ok? Ants?  (that was me asking the ants if they are still alive.  Ants can talk.)

I ate chinese food for first dinner today.  It was glorious.  And I managed to do something that I almost never do: stop eating in the middle of my meal when I got full.  THAT'S RIGHT.  I showed self control.  I'm impressive I know.  I think I'm gonna start doing this thing called paying attention to my satiety centers which are either in the hypothalamus or the medulla, I can't remember.  I should probably brush up on that before boards.  Chinese food is glorious by the way.  Warm and meaty an MSG-y.  Oh my.  I can't wait to puke it all up at soccer tonight.  That'll be nice.  This will be my face when I look at the ref after I puke. 

I have started the practice of immediately looking up things that people say that sound ridiculous.  Thank you internet phones.  So far every time I look one up it's just blatantly not true.  The closest one was about calcium blowing up if you keep it by itself in a bottle.  It reacts with water when it's not in a compound.  But it reacts like this.   Not quite an explosion.  This would be much scarier.    Science, folks.  They call me Drew the Science Jew.  Copyrighted.  Get off me Bill Nye.  You think you own "_________ the Science _______"?  Well according to my lawyers, you are correct and I apologize.

Yesterday I was operating on a fairly small amount of sleep for the morning and afternoon, and I decided that I should go to Barnes and Noble to use my christmas gift card.  After staring at the science book section for about 25 minutes, I decided to buy Stephen Hawking's "A Brief History of Time" because he is smarter than me and I would like to know some of the things that he knows.  But I ran into a problem.  There was an original edition and a 10th anniversary edition.  I would say it took me all of 7 minutes to realize that they were literally the exact same book with a different color cover.  Same price and all.  Then I decided that now would be a good time to buy a book to learn how to draw, since I've been wanting to learn how to draw for a little while now.  So I went over and picked up "a complete idiot's guide to drawing basics".  Then I went home and took a nap.  When I woke up, I realized that I had just bought a very strange pair of books.  Here is what my purchase says about me: I would like to learn about the intricacies of the universe, but I'm too stupid to know how to draw apples.  If the rest of the world is anything like me, we're all doomed.  On a related note, I think these are pretty funny.  Thanks for finding these Alex.

Alright well I gotta get some studying before soccer.  Here is your second gif.

Manditory political jokes. Really, they shut down my blog if I don't do this.

As I am watching the Arizona republican debate, I can't help but notice one thing.  Those guys say "fundamental" more than anyone I've ever heard in my entire life.  Here is how this debate has gone so far:

Moderator--"what is your position on _______?"
Candidate--"well I think Obama has fundamentally changed____and we need to fundamentally change how washington deals with _____ and blah blah blah founding fathers blah blah blah fundamental fundamentals blah blah blah layup lines crisp passes pick and roll yadda yadda yadda" (Wild applause from audience) (also see what I did there?)

I'm pretty sure once I turn 35 I'm gonna run for president in the republican party and just say fundamentally every 6th word or so and I think that will give me a pretty good shot.  I'll at least beat out all the women.

But seriously.  What are these guys even talking about?  Can you really just ramble about stuff you "believe" in and then be president?  Do people really fall for that?  Since when did believing things become more important than actually saying smart things?  Hey America.  Stop voting for people with the same "principles" as you and start voting for people who will actually do good things.  I've had enough of this garbage.  I'm tired of listening to you people try to out conservative each other. Hell, Ron Paul just said that the government shouldn't be involved in education, and it almost sounded reasonable.  Good thing presidents really have no control over any domestic issues anyway.  I'm just gonna vote for the guy who will bomb the least number of countries.

By the way, how many debates are there going to be?  Does anybody know for sure or do they just get together every week and decide "yeah, 3 debates this week sounds good."  Also if you want applause you just have to say "that's what's wrong with Washington."

I just wrote a really long political rant and then deleted it.  You're welcome.

Also this.

bloga bloga bloga bloga blogachameleon

So I'm back and ready to blog.  I've had a pretty serious series of weekends here this semester.  This one in particular was pretty cool.  I got to treat like 70 people, from like 5-80+ years old.  No laws.  No rules.  Freaking battle royale, chiropractic style. C1. C1. C2. Right SI. Blaow, blaowblaow!  Innate spilling out their ears and butts.  No apex contacts though.  Not trying to get central american pink eye here.  Now I will tell you some funny things that happened, because that's clearly the important part of the weekend.  If you wanna hear the inspiring parts, sucks for you.  You'll have to contact me individually because this blog isn't designed to handle inspiration.

People in guatemala drive like a boss.  One collective really hard to beat boss.  There are approximately 3 school busses per person, and all the bus drivers think they are stock car drivers (that's what they drive in nascar).  We were driving out to this village in some mountain to treat the people there and we almost got in 3 head on collisions, all by passing trucks on single lane "highway" roads.  One was a truck that had to slam the brakes on and pull into the shoulder to avoid us.  Another one was a semi truck.  It had 18 wheels.  It was real big.  We missed it by about 15 yards.  I was 1/2 aroused, 1/2 excited, 1/2 scared, and 1/2 aroused (SFW).  That is correct, I completed telophase and officially became 2 people via mitosis while in guatemala.  I was sure to eat the new smaller me so I retained all of my powers.  Dwight Schrute already has the power of a man and a fetus, I gotta at least keep the power of one man.  Also, a 14 year old girl fell in love with me there.  I told her I liked her shoes (in spanish, thanks Mr. Brillant) and she looked at how jacked and attractive I am and perhaps instantly thought that we were married.  When one of the volunteers told her to get her family for a picture, she went and got me.  So, sorry Brit, but I might be married to a 14 year old guatemalan in a mayan mountain farming village.  Sorry I left this part out when I told you the story, but this seemed like the best way to tell you.  So, yeah, I guess I'll be seeing you, or something.  Sorry.

I am also officially old again.  There were a bunch of high school kids on the trip with us to be volunteers with the kids and stuff, and on the last night I was there they were singing songs on the bus.  I was not happy about it.  Given, they were Jesus songs and those are usually the worst kind of songs, but really I was just annoyed that they were making noise.  So basically what I'm getting at is that I'm officially old enough to think that everything kids in high school do is stupid.  Even though I literally do the same things, but I think that because I'm older it's better.  Cognitive dissonance!

I used to love wrestling.  I kinda wish I could really like something that much these days.  The only thing I like that much now is hummus.  I remember once in the 4th grade I went to a WCW wrestling event and I got a t shirt.  I wore it to school one day and my mom put it through the wash and I got it back that night and then I wore it again the next day.  Somebody called me out on it, and I didnt even notice that I had worn it the day before.  That's love.  Being so psyched on something that you completely forget what you did the day before.  That's also why I buy two tubs of hummus at a time.  So I can eat one one day and then eat another one the next day.  Maybe I do love hummus as much as I loved wrestling.  Thanks internal monologue for helping me feel better about my life!  Also I had this video game and it was awesome.  Hulk hogan's yellow mustache is pretty impressive.  That's gotta be pretty tough to maintain.  Also, how much would it suck for everyone to know you as a persona?  What if you just didn't really feel like being the hulk that day?  What if you just wanted to be Terry?  IS that so bad?  Why isn't Terry ever good enough for everyone?  I was just tired of having a mustache ok?  Gimme a break my wife divorced me and now I'm broke and I have to do freaking rent-a-center commercials.  I'm old!  Also hulk hogan definitely popularized that kissy face thing girls do.  So next time you see a girl make that face, do this at her, suplex her, and then  yell "Yeah Brother!"  Do it you wont.

Also it is really hard to find hulk hogan clips online.  You would think a guy could find a hulk hogan "i can't hear you" gif on the interwebs, or a clip of him just saying "Brother" or something.  Nope.  All the clips are like 9 minutes long.  Weak sauce internet.  I expected better of you.  And just when I think you've lost your touch internet, you go and give me a gif like this.  And COMPLETELY redeem yourself.  Here's your gif.

I'm back

Quick update now that I am home. Real blog will be tomorrow but I would like to tell you all this first:

I pooped one time between Thursday and Sunday.

That will be all for now.

and this

So this is real.

You're welcome.

Go to Harolds

Back to the blog.  Well everyone I hope you had a good weekend because I surely did.  And then I came back to school and it beat me down as usual.  Hurray!  I did get a free pizza today though.  That was cool.  Can't really complain about free pizza.  I got a cool clock too.  I'm so hip.  Hell if I have a blog I'm gonna be doing hipster stuff alright?  Deal with it.

On a pretty exciting note I'm going to Guatemala in 3 days.  That's gonna be pretty awesome.  Treating all sorts of non-english speaking people.  I think that taking a history will be easy for regular patients once I get used to taking one through an interpreter.  In reality though I really just decided to go because it's my boy Black Doug's birthday this weekend and I thought it was important to have something else to do.  Happy early Birthday Douglass.  But really I hope it sucks.  But seriously.  Happy BIrthday because who knows if I'm gonna blog again before I leave.

Me and Brit stayed at this super sketchy hotel this weekend in Chicago.  We referred to it all weekend as "my boy Howard."  If you wanna be in a really cool part of Chicago and also be kinda worried that you're gonna get robbed all weekend, stay at my boy howard's.  Free parking!  Also I was reminded this weekend about how good Jewish people are at making food.  I defy you to find an ethnicity that makes better food at every meal than Jewish people.  They have breakfast and lunch on lock, and they can tussle with the big boys at dinner, as long as you don't mind not eating pork.  Bagels?  Glorious deli meats?  If you don't like Pastrami you don't deserve to eat ever again.  Also I've been to the restaurant that makes those sandwiches.  Greatest place on earth.  Harolds off the Jersey Turnpike, I think exit 11 or so.  Make that 10.  If you ever get the chance, go there.  The most massive quantities of food I've ever seen.  Just look at their menu.  I ordered a Cobb salad and it was literally one of those family sized tin pans worth after I had already eaten as much as I can.  Like a full pound of bacon in that thing.  Fagedaboudit.  That's my best New York accent.  Haven't really tried to learn that accent.

So I guess I never really blogged about the patriots losing did I?  Hold on while I go check.  Nope I did not.  Well here are my thoughts on it because as you all know this is a sports blog and you come here first for all the latest sports news and highlights.  First let me recap what happened in the game for those of you who didn't watch.  There was a safety and then the Patriots lost.  But let's talk about safeties for a second. Because that was the highlight of the game for me.  The safety signal is my second favorite in all of sports.  The best one you ask?  Obviously illegal man downfield.  Way to go football.  Just making awesome signals left and right.  But back to the superbowl.  I have nothing to say.  And not because it hurts or because I'm not.  I'm not even mad.  I'm into grownup stuff now, I got no time for caring about pro sports.  I've moved on to big boy stuff like crossword puzzle clocks, skateboarding, spicy mustard, and blog writing.  It's 2012 people.  We only have like 10 months left here.  Use your time for something useful, like blogging even though you just had board reviews tonight and even though you're really smart you're pretty intimidated by this test and really you're just scared to fail because you never really developed a healthy mechanism for dealing with setbacks.  I think I should probably go back to talking about farts.  Oh Keanu.  You always know what to say.

There was kinda a lot of links in that last paragraph.  And surprisingly few emotional breakdowns.  You know what I've been thinking a fair amount about lately?  Aliens.  Get ready to get your mind blown/be really confused.  So I learned this weekend that some animals can see ultraviolet let and/or infrared light, so some flowers have ultraviolet decorations on them for said animals (mostly insects I think).  So what if the aliens didn't reflect light in our visible spectrum?  They would be completely invisible to us.  And on top of that, what if they had developed x-ray vision instead of vision in our visible light spectrum?  We would look like walking skeletons.  Why would they wanna talk to a skeleton?  Skeletons are scary dude.  I bet we just intimidate them.  Yeah.  That's probably it.  Also what if they're gas-based life instead of liquid based? or PLASMA life forms? RIGHT? RIGHT?  Hey aliens, I gotchu.  You ain't got to be scared.  Come hang out with me, it'll be cool.  I promise I won't rat you out to the government, because they would kidnap you and dissect you and stuff.  Then we'd have a whole district 9 thing going on.  Bad news Bears.  But really aliens are interesting.  That would be rad if they came to visit and didn't kill us and stuff.  Aliens 2012.

Well it looks like it's time to go to bed because I'm super tired and I have to wake up early to iron some stuff tomorrow.  My first day in clinic clothes tomorrow.  Doin work son.  They call me Dr. E.W.  Seriously, my mom used to call me that.  Here's your gif.  Bye.

This

Bravo Internet. Bravo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5BdyIGtYcg

It's important that you watch that.

TOILET PAPER ROLL 3 SHIT OUT OF LUCK (see what I did there?)

It's everyone's favorite blog post time:  I JUST FINISHED ANOTHER ROLL OF TOILET PAPER YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!  And by just finished I mean fnished yesterday but decided to watch season 1 of 24 instead of blog.  Sowhatyouwannafightaboutit?

So if my memory serves me right, and it does, I put on a fresh roll on NOVEMBER 11TH.  That's right people.  This roll lasted me almost 3 months.  But first I must do the calculations to determine how long it actually lasted me.  Here we go.

20 (november)+31(december)+31(january)+9(february)=91 days.  That's a lot of days.  But now we must factor in the days I was not around to use said toilet paper roll.  I believe I went home on December 16th and returned on January 9th in the evening.  so that is minus 24 days there, and then there was that weekend that I spent completely at Brian Murphy's house, so that's minus 2 days too.  Oh ya and Thanksgiving, which is another 5 days.  So.  91-24-2-5 brings us to a total of.............60 days on the dot.  Within one week of my previous toilet paper usages (53 and 54).  And we can attribute that to human error, food consumption habits, and of course, just holding it.  Well everyone, as I close the book on roll #3, I have come to another realization:  I will certainly be bringing toilet paper with me as I move out of my current apartment in July.  It's just a fact.  I have 6 rolls of toilet paper left and less than 6 months left in this apartment.  Even with the ultraconservative estimate of 50 days/roll, I would have enough toilet paper for 300 days (roughly 10 months).  It's math people.  The egyptians made it up.  Trust me I'm a doctor.  And I read stuff.

Ok that is all I really have to say for now.  Enjoy your weekend, because I certainly will be enjoying mine too much to blog.  Blogger---out.  Also here's your gif.  This is kinda funny.

procrastination blog

first test of the semester tomorrow.  Not worried.  Because I'm so smart.  Time for an update on my mystery textboooks.

I got an email from the lady who I assume is sending me all these books.  It said something along the lines of "I sent you some extra books by accident, please do not accept them from UPS when they come.  Uh, sorry lady too late.  Sorry that I'm not home all day making my money by sellling cheap textbooks to college freshmen and I can't deny the UPS guy when he delivers a package at 1:00.  I am kinda skeptical of this lady anyway though.  In the "from" part of her email, it didnt say her email, it said "help me."  What kind of sorcery is this where you are using the from for the title and the title for the body and the body for the second body?  OK maybe not the perfect analogy, but I guess it's like a siamese twin email where the twins have one head and one set of legs but two bodies.  Like an ellipse person, I guess.  I think I just invented a condition type of siamese twin.  Even though that could never happen.  One head, two torsos, one butt, two legs.  I'm not sure if there would be 4 arms or 2.  Haven't thought it through enough yet.  I'll draw it tomorrow during class and decide.  That would be kinda awesome, if you had one brain but 4 arms.  Do you think think when you moved one left arm the other left arm would move too?  Or if you moved like a mirror to yourself in your upper body.  Like your outside arms and inside arms moved simultaneously in the same manner.  I guess that could cause some problems.  You would need some killer proprioception.  This is all very confusing.  I hope you get what I'm talking about.  This was a terrible tangent.  Next topic

OK kinda like that but if they like converged back into one pelvis and lower body.  That would be out of the ordinary.  Dude would be all over the day time talk show circuit.

It's been over 60 here in Missouri for 3 or 4 days straight now.  Also I would like to mention that it's February 2nd.  It seems to me as though something is afoot.  This could be the start of a scooby doo episode.  Something's not right here gang! Let's split up and find out what it is!  Rut Row!  I don't see any ghosts, so let's do an experiment on the effect of carbon dioxide emissions on the ozone layer and the greenhouse effect!  Zoinks scooby!  All this talk about greenhouses is making me hungry!  Heheheheheheheheee!  That would have been a terrible episode.

Well clearly I have nothing worthwhile to say today.  Here's your gif.