the day of the sun

sunday is kinda a redundant word isnt it?  It's day.  And therefore the sun is out.  I got all the information I needed from day.  Also pretty misleading.  Half of sunday is night.  Make up your mind sunday.  Is the sun out or is it not? 

Now that I got that out of the way, welcome back to my blog everyone!  I know its been a couple days, but most of you are too busy/cool to read this every day anyway.  So last night we took a party bus out on the town.  ITWASSOFUN!  Probably too much fun, but it's ok because I made it to my seminar on time today and i got to rid myself of my hangover the old fashioned way--by sitting in lecture and drinking a gallon of water.  I peed 6 times by 12:00 pm.  That's gotta be a record or something for people without diabetes.  By the way, I cannot handle my caffeine.  I had like half a cup of coffee and I thought my brain was gonna explode.  I think that's a sign that I shouldn't do any stimulant drugs.  I can't even imagine what ritalin feels like.  I was positive my skin was going to crawl off of me and my eyes were gonna pop out and grow legs and arms and start singing and dancing like the WB frog.  I often wish animals would sing and dance for me in somewhat formal attire.  Instead they usually just poop.  Disappointing animals, step your choreography game up.

Here's an update on my road rash--still getting stuck to things and not healing at all.  Stupid society and your convention to have everyone wear pants.  I'm just trying to not get my underwear incorporated into my scab, and you're worried about whether or not my butt crack is out.  hey guys, it's just a butt crack, and a pretty nice one at that.  Consider yourself lucky that it's not on my UPA.  I know I do.  That would kind of hurt, and I think it would look a lot like an STD.  Specifically syphilis.  I would hate to give all the people seeing me naked to think I have syphilis.  Meaning I would hate to confuse myself as someone with syphilis.  shucks.

I think a little while back I tried to start saying shucks again, but then I realized that I never actually said shucks very often growing up and also it sounds weird coming out of my mouth.  Also it sounds like a really dirty word.  say it out loud right now, wherever you are.  Shucks.  I don't like it.

I'm laying on my stomach on my bed right now and my sheets are kinda gross.  I think my open wound has leaked on them a little bit.  Ew.  Somehow it got up by where my head goes.  Aw, now it's spreading. Aw. Aww. Awww come on stop it aw.  I made a good basketball quote the other day but I don't think anybody got it.  Here's how you know a movie is funny for real--when you quote it in real life and nobody knows the movie quote but everybody thinks its funny anyway.  Pure gold.  I hear your mom is going out with SQUEAKS

Dexter starts in 3 weeks.  Oh dexter I have missed you so much.  Your righteous killing balanced with fatherhood and stuff gives me hope for a future filled with trash bags stuffed with body parts and a boat that I really only use for dropping bodies into the ocean. Also he's got a cool knife collection and he's super dreamy. 

You know what hurts really bad? pulling out nose hairs.  How is it that nose hairs don't grow at all for like a month and then all of a sudden there's one that's like a centimeter long?  Sneaky little bastards.  Then you get that crying reflex that of course you have to play off, because I really only pull out my nose hairs in public.  It only seems right.  I think from now on when I get the cry reflex I'm just gonna start bawling.  Like Alice in Wonderland style, snot flying all over the place and stuff.  "drew why are you crying so much it's just windy out I don't see why you're so upset"  "YOU JUST DON'T GET ME LEAVE ME ALONE"  major emo phase ahead captain.  Full speed ahead.

dexter back so soon
killing dudes, chopping them up
murder is so rad

I've started saying rad a lot.  I don't really know why.  I never really did the skateboarder talk thing until now that it's completely unacceptable.  Except for one of my professors did call me dude and bro today.  There''s hope for me yet.

They call me the skate doc.

So for my online class I have to comment on people's posts on the discussion board, and it is literally impossible to write anything serious on the internet.  How am I supposed to write things that aren't jokes or about skateboarding?  There is no chance I don't write something inappropriate by accident and get in trouble.  Stupid blog.  Ruining my academic career.

in other news I have a new addition to my wall decorations.  It is, wait for it, A GIANT CLASS SCHEDULE.  Anna decided that 2 semesters as EC wasn't self punishment enough so she decided to be secretary this semester.  First order of business- make a new class schedule for the front of the class.  Instantly blows up in her face.  Literally 50 complaints.  'the schedule is too small.  I cant read it.  It's too shiny and i cant read through the glare. the fonts are too hard to read.'  That was just one person's complaint too.  Just stream of consciousness whining with no transitions between sentences.  Just walked up and said those sentences and walked away.  That didn't actually happen but you get what I'm talking about.  Welcome to Logan, Anna.  If you do something in student government, you will get constant beatdowns.  That's just the way it works.  SO.  Long story short, Anna is making a new giant class schedule and I got to keep the old one.  2 square feet of color and font coordinated schedule glory on my wall.  The best part-my eyes are still too bard to read it without my glasses on.  Stupid eyes.

By the way, I don't really see how "long story short" makes sense grammatically.  I get that it's a saying, but shouldn't we at least try to make it make sense?  It feels silly writing things that make no sense.  hot pajama banana.

Time to go watch some internet TV and then maybe work out.  I'm gonna try a new strategy for taking teh gauze off of my road rash.  Get it really wet and then maybe it'll just peel off so I don't have to keep ripping my skin off every 12 hours.  It hasn't really been a good system.  Let it heal, rip it open.  let it heal, rip it open.  Here's your haiku

rip off my bandage
make my road rash more rashy
bloody sting cycle

It might take a while when you turn the lights on, but it's safe when I shart cause I got a man-pom

and so the semester begins

first day of class today.  Syllabus day.  I hate when professors actually teach on their first day.  Just let me zone out all day and send like 130 text messages.  I'm only human, and I absolutely cannot listen to you lecture my first day back in this prison classroom.  My back abrasion is leaking all over my clothes, I have no paper to take notes on, and I have like a bazillion classes after this, so just please let me stare absent mindedly at people around me.  Have a little heart.

You never really notice how much your skin moves until you have removed a large chunk of it.  Although I would like to say that showering in the morning wakes you up a lot more when it burns for like 30 seconds.  I know this is weird but I actually kinda like it.  Joint pain is not fun, but scrapes and bruises kinda feel good.  That might make me crazy, but I'm sticking to it.

Excuse me Mr. Bus driver? are you going back to delaware?

I have an online class where we have weekly discussions and I think having this blog is gonna make me either kill it or fail horribly at my discussion posts.  Either this has made me really good at channeling my thoughts or it's made me even more scattered and incoherent.  Only time will tell.  If I fail "Psychology of the Athlete" I blame all of you for encouraging this.

Does it bother anyone else how often football analysts say the word 'football' when they talk on tv?  that's the only sport that they say the name of their sport so often.  "Now this man is a great football player.  He's got a great football IQ.  Just take a look at this football play right here.  He secures the football and makes a great football move to get into the open field.  Just an outstanding football player making great football plays."  Sounds like overcompensation for stealing the name from another sport.  We get it, your sport is called football.  For whatever reason we just let them say whatever they want.  NO LONGER!  I will not stand idly by while football analysts butcher our language that we stole and kinda changed from the original english!  No more making up words like physicality, escapability, or any of those other stupid words.  This isn't a bud light commercial, and you can't just add "ity" to the end of words to make them into nouns.  And calling things football __________'s just makes you sound stupid.  Stupid Merryl Hodge and his huge tie knots.  Attention short people: having huge tie knots makes you look even smaller.  It's exactly the same as putting on a shirt that's way too big for you.  Stop with the huge tie knots.  you're not helping your cause.

By the way, I'm curious about this.  If English people invented the english language, and they say soft R's, are we pronouncing R wrong?  or did they start saying hard R's and then just decide it wasn't worth it anymore?  Did they just start singing everything and decide that hard R's sound bad in sung english?  Does anyone have a real answer to this?  Somebody with a yahoo answers account ask that.  I have a yahoo answers account.  But somebody else ask it.  just copy and past sentences 2-3 of this paragraph.  I think it sums up the topic very nicely, which also makes me wonder why I'm still writing about this.  Next.

Ok it's almost go time, so here's your haiku.

attention short guys
no more quadruple windsors
we get it, you're big.

They call me the regular sized tie knot advocater (or rstka [pronounced {wrist'-kah}] for short)

They also call me the improper parentheses and bracket orderer.

Oh and they call me van ripplehausen.

sweet home...missouri?

Back in freaking missouri people!  you know what that means right?  Way more down time and way more blog time.  In about a month I'll be getting an iphone, which means you will be getting blogs to your face during the day time while I'm sitting in class.  Get excited people, because this is season 2 of please excuse our appearance, and while we will be doing no remodeling because this new setup is pretty awesome, there will be some serious blogging going on.


I would like to share with you all a little something I said tonight at one point.  Here is my direct quote: "I LIKE WHERE THIS SEMESTER IS GOING."  And I really do.  There is gonna be some serious niceties happening over the next 4 months.  Jesus, 4 months. That's a lot of time.  But really.  A lot has happened in the past year since I moved out to the center of the large north american land mass.  I've grown a lot as a person and I think this might be a definitive year in my life emotionally.  I forsee a lot of deep and spiritual growth for me over the next 12 months.  I think that I've got to the point in my life where I have really become an adult and my life really has a purpose now.

But in all seriousness I'm back and better than ever.  You all better be ready for a solid semester of blogomania because I'm ready to bring the thunder.  They call me me wilson and I'm ready to slang some neighborly advice.

time to skype some rats
I like to wear bucket hats
YO DOG I'M BACK SON

cheers to me because I'm awesome

end of vacation blog

this has been quite the vacation.  It was cool.  Story time.

Yesterday I skated for like 2.5 hours and at the end i bombed this hill.  I turned down the street backside and my new slippery wheels started skidding at like 25+ mph.  Needless to say I ate it and took what was probably the gnarliest slam of my life and it was AWESOME.  I literally slid on asphalt for like 20 feet on my back and then did a backward somersault (which i just spelled correctly on my firs try) onto my feet.  No head slam, and only some minor elbow and wrist jam, along with some pretty sweet road rash on my left back-butt junction.  Slams are so sick.  So is going fast.  So fast slams are doubly sick.  I was so psyched and it just confirmed my theory that everyone should slam every once in a while.  It's like that feeling when you chew really minty gum and you can breathe a lot better.  It's like brain biofreeze.

Ok i kinda have to pack now because I'm leaving in less than 2 hours and I also have to do other stuff before I go, like change my gauze so I don't leak all over my clothes.  Just thought I would let you all know how rad my fall was yesterday.

Also I saw some kid with meth teeth yesterday.  I was gonna put a link to a picture of meth teeth but it was too gross for some of my younger readers (zisk).  Really though, it's super gross.  Don't do meth guys.  Apparently you can get meth teeth from other drugs too.  Don't do percosets either.  it's not good for you

don't google meth teeth
it will make you gag real hard
threw up in my mouth.

Realy though.  Meth teeth are gross.

If you live in missouri, I'll see ya there.  If you're anywhere else, I will see you on another time

latisonthemenjay.

hey missouri people

I'm gonna start whisper screaming at all of you starting on tuesday evening when I return.  Don't be scurred when I sweet you.  You might not like it at first, but you'll come around.  Just like you did to me.  Pretty soon you will all be C-ing each other and Bo Biceing and stuff and people around you will think you're weird but some people you talk to will kinda think it's funny and when they say something that you know you're gonna "sweet" them for they'll end their sentence with "and don't sweet me eitha"  in a boston accent like that and that's how I will know that my job is complete and I will slowly fade into nothingness and the rest of you will just keep on shanking people and having eye contact battles and whisper screaming "SWEEt" at people and somehow you will give people norwood accents when they say "either" and I will be looking down on you will from somewhere, but really only figuratively because, let's be honest, if heaven exists it's not really a location up in the sky it's much more abstract than that and people have just used the whole "up above" thing because fluffy clouds seem much nicer than stuff like crude oil and lava that comes out of the earth and concepts like the afterlife are really only graspable to the general public as earthly metaphors because we just don't have the ability as a species to imagine brand new things that we have never encountered and that's probably why we'll never encounter aliens because they could be a whole new form of life that we've never seen before kinda like my genie's nitrogen based life and we wouldn't even know what to look for because maybe life in other galaxies and stuff doesn't even follow the same rules as ours does because maybe they have completely different atoms and stuff.

And don't sweet me eithah.

today is september

Well everyone welcome to my first blog of september.  If you had told me way back in mid june when I started this thing that I would still be going strong in september, I would probably have believed you but been kind of disappointed in myself.  So much self-hatred.

I was thinking the other day about what I would wish for if I had a genie and 3 wishes.  By the way, why is it always three?  That seems pretty stingy, genie.  You have unlimited power and I go through all the trouble of going into the desert and into that lion's mouth to find your lamp (by the way, that thing looks nothing like any lamp I've ever seen) and you're gonna limit me to 3 things?  Weak. 

But anyway, back to my 3 wishes.  I couldn't decide if I would commit one or two wishes to the greater good of humanity.  I mean, one is pretty good right?  Plus, what do I wish for?  No more AIDS or something?  It seems like any wish along those lines would majorly change the course of history, and I don't think I'm ready to accept those consequences.  Like if you wish for the end of all diseases, then we massively overpopulate the earth, strip it of its resources and then we all die anyway.  If you wish for the end of starvation and you're not specific enough as to how, then does my genie like change metabolism as we know it and then the food industry goes under and then millions of people lose their jobs and now I've caused a major economic disaster.  Do we still need plants?  What about oxygen?  I've just changed the world from carbon based life to nitrogen based life all willy nilly and now we have to deal with the consequences.  World peace?  you know genie is just gonna turn us all into apathetic stoner types and then we'll never get anything done.  And if I wish for unlimited money for myself, do I cause major inflation and the eventual collapse of the dollar?  Maybe I could just ask for it in euros, but then I have to exchange all my money.  Dude, this is stressful, and I don't want any more wishes.  I think I'll just free the genie in exchange for him helping me out occasionally.  Me and genie can just be buds.  magic is scary.

Based on that paragraph i think it's clear that I need to get back to school and start doing something useful.  It seems like kinda a long time since I left missouri.  I think I'm too old to live at home now.  I can see why people used to  be adults at like 13 throughout history, and not just because everyone died at like 35.  It's weird how long we spend with our parents now.  Other animals don't do this stuff.  Other animals try to eat their kids.  Don't like Nemo fool you kids, fish don't know their parents. salmon die after they lay their eggs.  Question-do animals get kuru when they eat their babies?  Based on my 45 second google search, I guess not.  In a related note, there's a shoe company called Kuru.  Bad company name bro.  rule of thumb, don't name your company after a disease associated with cannibalism. 

I have decided that I'm gonna be super productive next semester.  Not productive to a point where I can't sit still for more than 45 seconds (you know who you are) but like productive to a point where I don't watch internet TV and eat a roll and a half of ritz crackers every day.  On a related note I'm gonna stop eating so much crap.  Not literal crap, but you get what I mean.  Call these my "school year's resolutions" because school is pretty close to rhyming with new and I like puns.

I haven't done very many segments recently.  I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.  I'm gonna give you all a color of the day for old times' sake.  That is the correct apostrophe placement right?  The sake of old times?  Anyway, your color of the day is parchment color

I like books.  Third school year's resolution--keep reading books.  Also shower right after exercise.  I think I can do all of those things.

Here's your haiku to take you into Sunday afternoon

magic is way cool
till you control history.
I'm unqualified.

I don't know if punctuation is proper haiku form but my desire to google it is low so we're gonna stick with it.

Also shoutout to Brad because it's your birthday today, even though you don't read this.  Hey, a guy can hope right?  And no, I'm not talking about the Brad.  We've been defriended for a long time now.

At some point I'm gonna start a record collection. I think that would be a cool collection to have.  Records and old books.  I don't think I've ever even heard a record play music.  That's pretty lame.  My future house will be decorated with records, skateboarding pictures, and hopefully a healthy stack of broken decks.  I can't wait to be cool dad.

There are no good pictures on google for cool dad