So it's been two weeks

I honestly can't believe it's been 2 weeks since my last post.  What have I been doing, you ask?  You know, class, working, looking for a new place (which I found and will be discussing later), going on awesome trips, living the dream, and also doing other things.  Sometimes you gotta grow up and actually do things with your time instead of sitting on your uncomfortable couch and writing nonsense into the internet.  But only sometimes.  And that sometimes is not now.  SO without further ado, here is some discussion about poop.

I have had an absurd poop schedule the last 3 days.  But before I discuss that, I have to tell you about my weekend.  I only pooped twice from friday at one until monday at 6.  I was in Ohio at my girl Anna's lake house, and I didnt want to punish her parents or any of the 5 dogs there, so I just held my poops until times where nobody would be bothered by them.  Which ended up being two times.  In the 24 hours starting at 6pm central time on Monday, I pooped 4 times.  As most of you probably know, I'm like a 8 poops a week kind of guy.  Simple math will tell you that was a LOT of poops(SFL).  And since then I'm on like a 3 poops a day schedule.  I thought at first I just had a lot of poop saved up from the weekend, but I see now that I clearly have AIDS and I'm going to die soon.  So if you don't hear from me, assume the worst.

Another thing I would be remiss to not mention: I think I found where I am going to live for the next 16 months or so.  And it is a seriously grownup house.  I'm talking clean carpets, sinks, toilets, and people who aren't currently full time students residing inside.  And, the best part, TWO dogs living on the premises.  Guess how many dogs I would have settled for: 0.  But I get two.  You know what that means?  I'm in dude.  You had me at two dogs.  I could multiply the number of dogs I would have settled for by a freaking infinity and not even made two dogs.  Given, I would be using the worst possible math function for this situation, but that's ok because I made my point.  And one of them is named ZEUS (yeah that dog is hercules, but that means this dog is technically his dad).  I don't even remember the other one's name because zeus is such a kickass name.  I'm gonna play the crap out of those dogs, and then help clean up the poop because I'm gonna live in a nice house.  Boom I'm an adult.  And this also means I get to get rid of a bunch of stuff.  I think I'm gonna put it all into boxes and try to sell it to  some of those dudes on the pawn shop shows.  And then they'll be screwed because I have nothing valuable.  Suck it pawn guys.

Oh I suppose the most important thing that has happened in the past two weeks is that my niece was born.  And that is why they call me uncle drew, in case those of you have been confused by my facebook status.  She is 6 days old, and already partying like a boss.  She sleeps with her hands above her head, so clearly all that party rap Bridget listened to during pregnancy paid off because she is clearly throwing her hands in the air, and she does not appear to care.  I will not be posting pictures of her on here, but if you wanna see some, just ask me and you can get a picture text.  Unless you are Zisk, in which case I will be sending it to you anyway so you can be punished.  I have also heard that she poops a lot, so we are going to get along great.  She has apparently already gone through 4 successive diapers within the amount of time it takes to change 4 diapers.  And I am given to believe that she has tried to pee on my mom as well, so that's something we have in common.  I think me and my girl Emily (who I will be calling Ice Box) are gonna be tight.  I bet she tries to puke on me in two weeks when I go home to visit.  I will high five her.  She will call me "uncle Jew" and then I will teach her about anti-semitism and world war 2 and how the holocaust was not cool.  And then she will learn how to pronounce her R's.  All in one weekend.  I have some historical reading to do.

I have had some weird dreams during my poop-infested last couple days.  The one I remember the most is the one where I kept dropping all my skateboards into the lake, and lake monsters kept trying to take it from me.  Also I had a really cool car and my friend Mike was there.  Obviously the lake represents the abyss that is grad school, and dropping my boards represents that I need to drop out of school and commit full time to skateboarding so that I can be a bum who is OK at skating.  Also I learned how to wakeboard this weekend, so that could be it.  Lake.  Boards.  Monsters.  One eyed monsters.  I'm probably gay now.  That's what most dreams mean anyway.  Sorry Brit.

As usual, here is where I promise to try to blog more, but we all know that I may not succeed.  I appreciate all of your patience and I hope that I can live up to your expectations.  But mostly suck it I'm in grad school and I have stuff to do, but also don't suck it I'm gonna try.  I'm gonna have a couple gifs for you today because my boy Tim dropped me a dime-piece today on the book of faces, and I like to give you a little gif of my own.  So thank you Tim, both for the gif and for using it as a subtle hint to write a freaking blog already.  I hope you have enjoyed my (non)jokes about teaching my infant niece about mass murder.  Here are your gifs.

OK you get 3 because this last one is really funny too.  But also I cry evr tim.

Yo dog

So school is back in full swing here in the midwest.  And with that so is my quest for a new place to live.  I went last night to check out this house that I may or may not live in for the next 16 months.  I got there and the girl who owns the house looked like 25 maybe?  Weird right?  she owns the place by herself.  Pretty awesome.  She also had her friend over, and I didnt really think twice about it butin retrospect it was definitely so I couldn't just kill her and steal her stuff.  I would have to kill at least 2 people quickly and quietly in a quiet neighborhood for that to work out.  Pretty good idea on her part.  It made me think that maybe I should have gone with somebody too, to make sure nobody raped me either.  But then I remembered, I'm super jacked and super tan, so I don't have to worry about that.  To those of you not familiar with that man, I'll see you in school tomorrow.  But the more I think about finding a place to live on craigslist, the more I like it.  I'm gonna live with complete strangers in a house in a place that I know nobody.  I'm essentially going on the real world, but probably with less racial diversity.  I'll be the crazy one from Boston who's always fighting people and my new landlord/roommate will be the white girl who always causes drama and I don't know what my other potential roommate will be, but I can assure you that he will fill a niche in the story playing out 100% in my head.  I know those pictures didn't totally make sense, but they made sense to my internal monologue, and that's what you came here for, so let's move on to something else.

Being back in school reminds me why I really don't know why I go to school.  Sure I'm gonna end up doing something really cool, but I'm also wasting my early twenties in the dark trying to not get caught looking at stuff I'm not that interested in reading on my phone.  Except on days like today when I got to go to the skatepark for like 2.5 hours and learn how to skate bowls.  That's a good day.  But in all seriousness, who else really just wants to drop out and be a complete leach to society with me?  I'm talking welfare, food stamps, spending it all on skateboard equipment and then never actually get any better at skating, just stockpile skateboards in my government supplied studio apartment.  I'm talking wasting all my potential and letting people use me as an example about how our generation has no work ethic even though most of us will have to work harder than our parents for a less promising future.  THANKS BABY BOOMERS THAT WAS SO NICE OF YOU I REALLY APPRECIATE YOU LOOKING OUT FOR US I'M SERIOUS YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST.  I'm talking taking loans out for a business that I don't plan on starting, blowing it all on ring pops and then defaulting on my loan payments and declaring bankruptcy, only to work really hard to get my credit back up and do it again.  Let's do it guys.  What's that?  That's a terrible idea and I'm already halfway done with grad school so I should just suck it up for another 18 months?  Alright I suppose you're right.  You guys are always so helpful.  I don't know what I would do without you.  Probably never even think of these things to begin with because I wouldn't write this stupid blog to entertain you all so that you can have a moment of joy in your otherwise life-sucking graduate school existence.  And on that note congratulations to Brittany for finishing finals today!  WOOOOOO!  You're already a year in and you're doing so great yaaaaaaaaay! (But really, we all hate ourselves too.  You're not alone, although I am really worried about you and I think you should probably go for a second psych eval).  You see that joke was funny!  But really if you want that off the internet that can be arranged.  For a price.  No filter EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

The summer has officially begun.  I know it's not that hot back on the east coast but it's hot here so it's time for some celebration.  So on that note I will be leaving you, but not before I drop a gif.  Ch-Ch-Checking this out!

I'm overdue

I'M BACK TODAY EVERYONE! HAVEN'T YOU ALL MISSED ME?  What's that?  I havent blogged in like 3 weeks and you're giving me the cold shoulder to punish my transgressions?  Well thats too bad for you, because I can never tell if you read this crap anyway and I'm gonna be writing the same nonsense anyway!  BOOYAKASHA

Well a lot has happened since my last blog.  And by a lot I mean I have done almost nothing.  And it has been GLORIOUS.  Do you know how nice it is to literally have 0 important things to do for almost a month?  It is pretty nice.  I have liked it.  Let's see, what can I tell you about?  I passed boards, so that was cool.  The scores were up for about 10 days before I got around to checking them, so that was good too.  They call me the cool cucumber.  On a related note, I got 3 new pairs of pants today.  So now I get to throw away all my pants with holes in the crotch.  And by throw away I mean cut into shorts, even though that won't at all fix the crotch hole.  But cutoff shorts are too funny to not have, so that's a plus.  And I get to be as trendy as this bad boy right here, so I'm gonna be rocking it all summer long.  But we all know that in reality I will look like this.  This is gonna be a good blog.

So I'm sure most of you have heard that my boy Barack has supported the gays marrying.  And I gotta say I've enjoyed reading people's facebook posts about it.  Because really that's the important thing in life; reading the comments section.  Most of the time I don't even bother reading articles anymore, I just read the comments, because that's where you get the realness.  What I really want to know is what Anonymous thinks about Obama's real secret agenda is and how he wants to make a time machine to go back and make America lose WW2, and also I want to know why libocrat644 thinks it's the Republicans fault that we don't have universal money fountains for people making less than $250,000 a year.  But seriously, don't real comments sections.  You'll never get out.  It's the black hole of the internet.  SPEAKING ABOUT BLACK HOLES, I've been reading Stephen Hawking's "A brief history of time" very slowly because I've been taking a lot of naps, and IT IS SO FREAKING GOOD.  You know what a black hole is for real?  Because I didn't until yesterday.  It's a star that has collapsed into such a dense body that no light can escape it's gravitational field.  Because GRAVITY BENDS LIGHT.  Also science is freaking cool.  Really go read that book it's unreal.  Your mind will be blown.  And if it's not then, well,

Seriously though.  Read it.  Relativity.  It's super cool.  I had to read the paragraph on space-time like 5 times, and I still don't even really 100% get it.  Freaking Einstein and stuff.  It's pretty awesome.

I also got a new pair of running shoes this past week or so.  They are unbelievable.  Buy new balance shoes.  They literally feel like running on clouds, but if that clouds were made of elastin and also had contractile properties that doubly sprung you forward with every step.  I'M THE FASTEST MAN ALIVE.  But really I'm not.  But maybe in an alternate universe I am.  I am all things, and I am nothing.  BOOM philosophized.  Put that on a picture of Carl Sagan and put it in the internet, because I'm deep bro.

I had a sad realization today.  And by today I mean 2 days ago.  May 8th, 2012.  I'm moving out of my apartment in early July, and that means that I will probably be sharing a bathroom.  And that means that my individual toilet paper usage counting will be coming to an end.  End of an era.  That means I'm gonna have to find some other new strange thing to write about here.  I am so sorry to all the loyal fans of toilet paper counter.  I promise to continue being strange enough on a regular basis to entertain you during your long hours in lecture.  Because all my readers are grad students.  And on that note I will have to leave you to go skateboarding.  Because I'm going to hang out with my boy Andy tomorrow and it is of the utmost importance that I can do tricks.  So here is your gif.

now I am done with class for a little while.

I have some things to say today.  I am officially done with finals now for tri 5.  That is nice.  I also ended up doing better than I thought I would do this tri, with the exception of one class.  Woops.  But still, I made deans list so I can't be too mad.  BE PROUD OF ME.  Also, I decided to finally give in to all the peer pressure and get a twitter, so you can all stop hassling me about it.  See what I did there, because nobody actually ever told me to get one but by saying that it makes you all think that everyone else was trying to get me on twitter.  @drew_lowey.  Get @ me (see what I did there again?).  It's probably gonna end up being my new favorite time killer.  I love killing time.  I also have one more thing to add.  Next paragraph!

I cannot wait to see "Chimpanzee".  It is gonna be so freaking awesome.  I'm gonna laugh, I'm gonna cry, I'm gonna watch monkeys run around and stuff for about 90 minutes.  It is gonna kill it so hard.  Also I'm psyched to finally get to start skating again over break.  There's a lot of stuff I'm psyched on right now.  It's gonna be a good time.  But really you all should definitely watch that trailer.  If you like good things, you will probably enjoy that trailer.  Actually I'm gonna have to cut this blog short but for real, help me get addicted to twitter because I need to improve my self esteem in a dependent, shallow way.  You know, 2012 style.  Time to go work out because I feel pretty freaking fat after the day I had yesterday  So much celebration.  I like to celebrate.  Also shoutout to Brittany because you always get psyched when you get shouted at.  And you know what, shoutout to matt and tim and spfp too, because I think you guys still read this.  Be on the lookout for all the blogs because I'm gonna be at brit's for a week and she has class and stuff.  So selfish.  Word.  Here's your gif.  These are all funny.  GIFs for the win.  

its finals weeek

here's your gif.  Don't bother me for a real blog.  You will enjoy this gif and you will not complain about it.  I HAVE A TEST IN a reasonable amount of hours,

Soon I will be done, and doing this dance.  Cash Rules Everything Around Me.  Get the money.  Dolla dolla bill y'all.  Also poop jokes.

Zisking blog

so it's time for a quick zisk blog, since I was just taking a break from studying and came across something too funny on reddit to not share with you all.  This goes out, not surprisingly, to my boy zisk, who I'm pretty sure beat pokemon at least twice sophomore year.  Oh man.  too funny.  POKEMON!

So I only have one more week till this semester is over, and I'm pretty happy about it.  Soon I'll be a big bad tri 6.  Look at this guy over here, doing doctor stuff.  Also, I have an awesome story to tell you all.  It was ZE GREATEST GOAL IN ALL ZE VORLD! I scored the best goal of my life yesterday.  I had a bouncing ball like 4 yards from goal right in front of our goalie, and i could tell I could pop it over his head.  So I decided, like everyone does on occasion, to  be super cheeky and do something awesome.  So I did this. (go to 3:23).  I did one of those, and popped it over the goalie's head.  Goal.  Killed it.  But of course, someone had to go and overshadow me later.  And by overshadow I mean someone (Shaun) got hit in the genitals very hard.  So obviously that took priority.  We have fun here at Logan.  If you're not living, you're dying.  Work hard play hard.  I'll sleep when I'm dead.  All work and no play makes Drew a dull boy.  I'm being inspirational here, work with me people.

I'm struggling with an extraordinary existential dilemma recently.  Should I or should I not cut my hair?  Part of me really wants to grow it out and see what happens, and the other half of me is Jewish.  Part of me wants a pony tail, and the other half has already decided that I will be doomed to Vader-esque helmet hair the rest of my days.  So basically what I'm getting at is that I should cut my hair but I'm holding out in hopes that maybe my budding jewfro will do something mildly attractive.  But hey, who cares because I have a girlfriend so I don't have to try anymore!  That's definitely advantage #1 to being in a long distance relationship (and by #1 I mean the only advantage, when compared to short distance.  See Brit I clarified so now you don't get to be fake mad at me! except for at that last comment. you can be mad at that one).  Don't want to shower today?  That's cool, as long as you're ok with sleeping in butt-smelling sheets.  That's what febreeze is for!  That's my meme quota for this blog.  INTERNET!

Also one more thing:  I think I'm gonna make a twitter.  It's starting to look like too much fun to not be on.  I love hashtags.  They're just funny.  So be on the lookout for that, because that should be interesting.

Alright well it's time to learn about hematocrit and stuff now.  It's just science and stuff, no big deal.  Here's your gif.  For some reason this is really funny to me.

mandatory easter blog

I was asked to write a blog fo real, so I decided that today would be a good day to do it, since I'm putting off studying and all.  But really, I've done about 1.5 hours of work over the past 4 hours.  So that's good.  At least something got done.  here's your blog.

It feels right to be back here, laying in my bed, supported by pillows, writing another glorious blog for all of you.  I know I've been busy this semester doing stuff that involves not writing blogs, but truth be told, I've really missed you all.  And by you all I mean typing mindlessly into this white box surrounded by an off-white border.

you've all been inceptioned

So I guess we should really get down to it.  What have I been doing?  How have I been? Have I gone through another toilet paper roll?  How are my ants?  All valid questions.  And I will answer them all.  Not much.  OK.  No.  Good.

Now that we're all caught up, I feel as though I should start on a fresh, but relevant topic: my love of Easter.  And not even in a sarcastic, "I'm not religious but I'm going to make fun of you for being religious on my blog" kind of way.  No.  This is, of course, about Cadbury eggs.  Only the greatest candy of all time.  And you know what the best time to buy cadbury eggs is?  The day after Easter.  Tomorrow, I am planning on spending my entire latest paycheck of $61.52 on Cadbury eggs, and then get completely chocolate wasted.  By the way, "Jack and Jill" got some prestigious awards recently.  So really what this all comes down to is the ratio in which I buy creme eggs to caramel eggs.  obviously I'm buying more creme than caramel, but how many more?  How often and I going to have to eat a caramel egg to cleanse my palate for more creme?  I'm willing to take suggestions, but my  guess is I'll end up with about a 2.2:1 ratio.  Because I will be buying at least 22 creme eggs.  I'm trying to punish my teeth.  Also I like Charleston chews.

Speaking of my teeth, I just bought a tongue scraper.  I very rarely care about my personal hygiene, but I was completely disgusted with the stuff that came off of my tongue yesterday.  And I even brush my tongue on a regular basis.  Didn't matter.  My tongue has never looked healthier than it did post tongue scraping.  I had been in the market for a tongue scraper for months now, but I did not realize that I could get one at walmart, which was obviously a huge mistake on my part.  Because when you can buy both baby formula and assault rifles at a store, you better believe they have tongue scrapers too.  I just tried to think of a joke about a baby and assault rifle store and I could not think of a good one.  either I'm rusty at the blog game right now or there really is no good, at least mildly tasteful way to make like a "rifles-R-us" joke or something like that.  yay photoshop!

So this is the first time I can remember where I was not home for easter, which means I am missing out on a super good meal at the fancy table at my parents' house.  Here is what I have consumed today so far: bowl of cereal, 2 oranges, chips and salsa, crackers and hummus, and an undisclosed amount of water.  I will probably have the cheesiest for dinner, because I got the blues.  Boom.  Back on my game.  But seriously, I don't think I would have any real attachment for any holiday if not for the glorious meals that always accompany them.  And the best part is the buildup.  Every fall, as it gets colder, everything starts reminding me of turkey.  Warmth literally smells like hot dogs.  Snow flakes don't reflect rainbows, just a giant ham in the sky.  The only bad thing about these glorious meals is that I inevitably spill something red and fast-absorbing on my nicest clothes.  Basically what I'm saying is that I haven't perfected the "balance things on your fork for long enough to get it to your mouth" thing. Also I failed the closed eyes nose touching test this semester when my boy Dr. black doug tested my cerebellar function.  I may or may not have a congenital cerebellar disorder.  Or maybe I've just had one too many minor (read major) head traumas.  Now I want ham.  Mom, you better save me some of that ham from this afternoon for 3 weeks until I get home.  Who am I kidding, my parents eat next to no food.  I'm gonna have a whole ham to myself.  So what I'm really trying to say with all of this is happy easter.

This semester is coming to a close pretty soon, and it's been a wild one.  If you all don't mind I would like to take a while to have a montage to the song "graduation" by vitamin C.  Now if you could, turn that song on and read the next few lines very slowly, and have pictures fade in and out as I mention them.  Soft zoom out from my inquisitive look.  Indoor soccer.  Reddit.  That two weeks where I went to the gym.  That first weekend I went to Brian's apartment and found that hubcap on the street.  The patriots lost the superbowl and then gisele whined about wes welker not being able to catch.  Guatemala trip.  Chicago with brittany.  Midterms and stuff.  That time that all of a sudden it was spring on february 20th or so.  Bow tie wearing.  Being really poor.  Going to trivia.  Boards.  Whatever happened that night after boards.  Punishing myself.  Having a suspicious number of distal forearm cuts.  Brittany came to visit.  Being too poor to play golf. Realizing that monday and tuesday of next week are going to be a huge beatdown.  Writing this blog to avoid my future problems.  Zoom back in. song fades out.  It's been a good semester, kind of.  I forgot to brush my teeth this morning.  Fortunately I haven't really got out of bed yet so it's technically still morning.  And on that note, I think I should leave you.  I hope to write another blog soon, but as usual, no guarantees.  After school ends I should have a solid couple weeks of blogs.  Especially while I'm at Brit's and she's being punished in class.  Here's your gif.