just remembered

Well as i occasionally do I went back and read some of my old blogs to see how awesome I was in previous weeks, and I came across my facebook birthday competition.  Tim won.  Looking back it was an incredibly unfair competition because my boy green thumb had already set the bar so high.  So shout out to the wrinkly raisin for being short and irish like regis philbin.  Your prize will be determined later.

I would like to point out that I just referred to the same person 3 times while using 3 different names.  Nicknames kill it super hard.

tim thinks I'm HP
killing voldemort and stuff
steal magnets off bus

a bit scattered, I admit, even for my haikus but i stand by it.  apologies to those of you not from delaware and who dont know the basic story of harry potter because you will understand none of that haiku.  so sorry anna.  maybe you should spend less time at music festivals being cool and spend more time being lame like the rest of us.  You'll only hate your life when you're alone with your thoughts and your thoughts are trying to reconcile perceived inconsistencies in minor details of the wizard world as described by Ms. Rowling.

vacation is sick

It's noon and I've done nothing today.  what an awesome feeling.  I'm like the dude from office space when I'm on break.  It's like pet rock mode but more deliberate.  Wake up, eat some cereal, sit on internet.  Just living the dream.  And I get to use a chainsaw today.  It's gonna be a good day.

I have something to discuss for real now.  This is important, so listen up.  Really, put your computer on blind guy mode and have it speak this blog to you so you can hear it as you read because then it will stick better.  Here we go.

I hate the wave so much.  It is literally the worst thing that has ever happened to live sports. You know what it means when people start doing the wave?  It means the game sucks.  Every time the wave starts the entire league that the game is in should be embarrassed.  Fix your product MLB.  There's a 12 second pitch count for a reason, and that is that baseball sucks when it takes 4.5 hours to play a game.  Ok that's off topic. back to the wave.

People, you paid like $50+ a ticket to go to a baseball game, and you get excited to stand up and put your hands up every 15 seconds or so?  The worst wave people aren't the ones that start it or the ones that are psyched on it.  No no my friends.  It's the people that won't even stand up but still put their hands up.  I'm all for laziness people, but pick a side.  Are you waving or not?  We're in 2.5 wars, our economy sucks, people are dying of starvation and genocide and malaria and stuff and you can't even stand up?  You're the worst person.  Ok maybe not the worst, but maybe like the second worst.

There was something else I was gonna talk about semi related to the wave but I can't remember now.  Stupid wave. I hate it so much, and I don't even really hate that many things anymore.  I'm getting nicer I think.  Just not to the stupid wave.

Ok one other thing.  For the first time, I actually feel old.  Something clicked in my head when I turned 22.  Way back when I was 21 it felt like the whole world was ahead of me and I was so young, so full of hopes and dreams.  Now I'm a 20-something and I suck.  I'm having a 1/5 life crisis.  I live in missouri.  that sucks.  I wanna go do something cool.  People do cool stuff like do the appalachian trail and like live in europe and stuff and I live in suburban missouri and I memorize which bacteria gives you the worst diarrhea. Weak.  Somebody go do something cool with me.  You know, next april when I have time.  I hate myself.

Ok now that I have thoroughly depressed all of you, here is a happy haiku

sunshine and rainbows
butterflies and nature stuff
sun with sunglasses

Ok it's time to go for a run now because I'm fat and my old man metabolism can't keep up with the amount of food that I want to eat.  Stupid 22.  You're the worst.

OH! NECK TATTOOS!  That's what I was gonna write about.  Ok, who are all these people getting neck tattoos?  Do you just wake up one day and decide to get one?  I get that tattoos are cool these days, but I don't see how people think tattoos above their clavicles is a good idea.  Do you think there are people out there who don't have any other tattoos except on their neck?  Like some accountant or social studies teacher or something with just a picture (can you call it that?) of a dragon or his neck?  Dude just loves neck dragons.  By the way, how much does mark texiera look like a social studies teacher who really needs to poop?  Worst smile in baseball right there.  I bet all of his teammates secretly hate him.  He's got dragon nostrils.  This is my best impression of Mark Teixiera

They call me dragon nostrils

quick synopsis of last week and some other stuff ya know?

Ok so a lot of stuff has happened in the past week, so I figure the best way to tell you all about it is not through this blog.  I will, however, write one long sentence that does not make any sense grammatically and gives an overview of my most recent vacation.  I might be a little rusty, so bear with me if this doesn't live up to some of my other long rambling sentences.

skateboard friday with most of neon fly to seattle hear gay guys talk about tom's weiner get on absurdly big boat sweat while laying down take a nap eat way too much food sleep in dark room with no windows aaron got seasick eat way too much food helicopter onto glacier almost fall into giant hole but not really eat eat eat watch a seal catch a fish hide a gnome in a tree see some whales sea lions are fat catch some salmon with paul's doppelganger bail on the cruise fly to seattle read a book get kicked in the nuts by irene fly to detriot fly to pittsburg drive 14 hours through the hurricane get home lose electricity run over downed power lines buy new skateboard eat $1 burger electricity is back on.

i think that sums it up about as well as I am capable.

Well first of all I would like to give a shoutout to my girl Irene.  If you're gonna be a hurricane might as well take some stuff out right?  I gave you all that little blurb underneath the picture because I assume a lot of you don't know who hurricane carter is.  Bob Dylan wrote a song about him.  Guess what it's called.  Hurricane.  I told you so you didn't have to guess.

Well I've missed you all terribly.  I assume you've missed me and you've aged the past week at the rate that presidents age because of how stressed you've been without my blog.  Especially you, Brit.  St. Martin sounds like a tough place to be.  Giant lizard poops and stuff.  I don't know how you made it out alive.

Ok that joke actually does need to be explained because it was one of the funniest things I've seen in a while.  I'm gonna go ahead and just copy and paste the email because I literally can't make it any funnier:

"Today a lizard the size of an iguana pooped next to the pool.  It was the size of his whole body.  Imagine if that was the size of your body:poop ratio."

CAN YOU IMAGINE!  haha that song just came to mind because it would be funny if it was about a poop.  Google the lyrics and just assume that when he says Jesus he has named his poop Jesus because that makes it way funnier.  You know what? Here are the lyrics.  Just read them if you don't want to listen to the song, but make sure you read it with the intent of someone singing it to their massive person sized poop.  I really haven't missed a beat at all.  This might be my best poop content e-ver.

You know what I need to get more into?  Conspiracy theories and old books.  I need like a hundred leather bound books with historical significance.  Having important books makes you timelessly cool in a nerdy kind of way.  That's the kind of cool I want to be.  Strange cool so that you can just continue being kinda strange for decades but not lose any coolness.  it seems that this transformation is going to cost me a lot of money, so I'll put it on the backburner for now, and eventually forget about it and then I won't feel so bad about not fulfilling my dream of being weird cool forever because I won't remember but then one of you idiots will show me this blog when I'm like 35 and I'll have a 1/3rd life crisis because, let's face it, I'm gonna live and be awesome till like 115, and then I'll have to divorce my wife and stop talking to my kids and grow a soul patch and it'll be all your fault.  I preemptively hate you.

Alright well I gotta go get ready for some serious skateboarding now.  Gotta go shred the gnar with pumpkin.   I love nicknames.  Andy gives the best nicknames.  He calls one of my friends Double-mini-mee-maw.  (double pronounced DUB-lay)  When he calls me on the phone he asks if he is talking to "Dr. weematanye of the weematanye institute."  Kid's unreal.  Some day I'm gonna commit a whole blog to andy stories, and it will be the funniest blog I've ever written.  But I digress.

Here's your first haiku in almost 2 weeks:

Want to fly a kite
like my boy the kite runner
with less poverty

The call me culturally insensitive

hello blogger my old friend

ITS ME SNITCHES

i'm back and you'll be getting a full blog tomorrow morning in all likelihood.  I know you're all super excited and, I gotta admit.  So am I.  I've missed having my random thought outlet to the entire world.  We've branched out to some new countries, I've got some good stories to tell, and as usual, you'll all be tuning in to hear all the important things that I have to say.

Probably none of you will read this before I write my full real blog tomorrow but we got electricity back so I felt like I had to post.  Stupid Irene.

They call me the alaskan pipeline

I fare thee well

Well everyone, this will be my last post for about a week.  I know that you are all upset because I can see the tears on your faces through the internet portal that all bloggers have access to once they reach 8 followers.  Good luck reaching that huge accomplishment.  It takes minutes of effort every 30 hours or so to achieve this sort of following.

But back to the point.  I will be killing it super hard this week on this gigantic boat.  I am gonna eat so much food.  EVERYTHING IS A BUFFET.  Be surprised if I don't come back 10 pounds heavier.  Also I'm planning on meeting my next girlfriend on this cruise that I will eventually go on a trip to europe with.  More importantly,  I will have little to no access to the information superhighway aka interweb aka internet or my cellular telephone, so don't bother trying to get in contact with me.  Your efforts will be futile, unless you have seen taken enough times to learn how to find people.  Good luck.

On a final note, I would like to tell you all that I went on a night skate mission with an actual crew tonight and it was a dream come true.  None of you will understand the extent of how much I enjoyed myself tonight.  The past 3 days have been unreal.  How unreal you ask?  They've been so awesome that I have nothing funny to say because I can't complain about anything and nothing lame has happened.  There are a bunch of funny stories, but none that I would like to commit to the vast memory of the internet.

I have to go to sleep now.  I hope all of your weeks are as excellent as mine will be, but really I'm just patronizing you because my life will be better than all of yours for the next 8 days.

I will leave you with one haiku:

being me is cool
doing cool stuff all the time
they call me smooth cat

I am officially on vacation..................NOW

before I go home

Hello everyone.  I would like to give a quick shoutout to my newest follower and friend of the blog, Wes.  Welcome to the remodeling family Wesley.  I look forward to talking to you about how awesome my blog is.

Well I get to go home today. Leaving in about a half hour.  I regret to have to inform you all that while I am on the cruise I will be on from Saturday till next Sunday, I will not have any internet access.  So you'll all have to wait until the 29th or so until I get to blog again.  I know you'll all probably forget that this site exists by then, but in the hopes that you don't I figured I'd give you all a heads up.

So before I go, I would like to wish all my friends in PT school good luck on their finals and all that jawn.  Especially Alicia who apparently just discovered this site.  I hope you continue to read, because I'm desperate for attention so I'll give a shout out to anyone who reads this in an attempt to keep him or her as a reader.  I've always loved you Alicia and I hope to marry you some day.  We would make beautiful children. 

Ok I really have to go because I have laundry to get out of the dryer.  I dont have any underwear right now because half of it is packed and the rest is being dried. 

I'll probably blog again tomorrow, but if I don't get the chance then I'll talk to you all in about 10 days.  Here's a little something to make you jealous of how awesome my life is

I love my life

Real fast, I don't get serious too often on this thing but I gotta get serious for a second.

HUGE HUGE HUGE shout out to Alex and Anna for killing it super hard for my birthday.  I have literally never had a birthday quite like today, and I thank you both very much.  Here's how hard they killed it:  I had 2 finals today and studied for like 3.5 hours by 1 oclock central time and I'm still psyched on the day.  And I know there is more awesome to come.  I'm tearing up a little bit just thinking about it.

So from the depths of my limbic system, I would like to thank you both.  I'm touched.

THEY CALL ME THE BIRTHDAY BOY