monsoon

Today it rained. Really hard.  I got out of my car and ran to the front door of my building and the gutter was literally spitting water up into my face Forrest Gump Style.  Way to go gutter.  Way to figure out a way to make water flow up.  It took me like 3 seconds to figure out what was going on.  Here is my thought process as a get to the front door:

"Wow thank god I'm out of the rain and under the overhang over the door.  This is way less wet than being out in the massive downpour going on right now.  Wait, why am I getting way more wet right now? How is water going up my nose?  Oh right the metal pipe designed to safely take water away is spraying me in the face somehow.  That makes sense.  Go America!"

I swear that's exactly how it went.

Alright I'm not sure if this video is gonna work but this is me skateboarding.  Not only am I moderately psyched on this trick, but if this video upload works, then you're all gonna have to get ready for some serious video blogs.  It's gonna get real weird up in here. Or maybe I'll just slack off and put more pictures in.  who knows? you'll have to keep reading to find out.

Also I would like to introduce a new segment called "Facts."  Here is your fact:
Plasma cells are terminally differentiated B-Lymphocytes.

Here's Raichu's daily haiku for you:
it is wet outside
i will eat jello inside
it's kinda scrumptious

Today was a good day.

I think the people who live above me just bought a giant stone statue that they are dragging along the ground every few minutes.  It's probably a lion.  I need more art in my apartment.  All I have is this.  I hope you can all see that.  Alex probably can't.  Sorry Alex.

The color of the day is wet.
I know wet's not a color.  But this is my blog and I do what I want.


I don't know about you guys but I'm gonna miss the space program.  I don't know if it actually does anything useful or not, but it seems like a huge step back to not be going into space anymore.  If that's what is even happening.  Something is going on. I don't know.  This paragraph is the most decisive paragraph anyone has ever written.

And that's why they call me the Decider.

hump day

I started watching Breaking Bad.  WATCH IT.  I've never been so interested in meth in my whole life.  Malcolm's dad from Malcolm in the Middle is the main character.  Dude kills it.

Also I came up with a good name for the video segment.  It will now be called "I can't be clever all the time, so here's a video."  Genius.  A plus segment name.

I skated today for like an hour and forty five minutes.  I wish you could have all seen how sweaty I was, it was gross.  I sweat so much that there was no sweat line on my shorts.  100% wet.  Stupid missouri.  super hot and humid all the time.  I drank like a half gallon of water and still wasn't anywhere near replenished.  the only good part about that was I was filming a trick (which I got because I'm awesome) and you couldn't tell how sweaty I was because my shorts were all one color.  Win.

I really have nothing else to say, so I guess I'll bring back "what's weirder" for ya, just to see how it feels.

What's weirder, still being obsessed with skateboarding when you're in grad school or sweating so much that your shorts are completely soaked in sweat?  Either way, I lose.

I guess I'll finish this blog off with a haiku for you from my boy Raichu.  That's right, I'm my own boy. Maybe that should be in tomorrow's "what's weirder"

crystal meth is bad
makes your teeth look like tree stumps
brown teeth are real gross

they call me the public service announcer.  make sure you floss everybody.

ooootay

While talking with one of my loyal followers this evening I came to realize  that I have had 2 little rascals references in my life in the past 2 days.  In honor of this fantastic occasion, I will be posting my first video to this most fantastic blog.

I think videos will need their own segment title because let's be honest, half the fun of this is coming up with names for stuff.  That's literally 85% of the blog.  If i calculate this correctly, 85% of the blog is 50% of the fun, which means 50% of the fun comes from the other 15%.  Good job other 15% for holding your weight.  Name inventing, step your game up. Street style

Just realized I didn't actually name the video segment.  I'm not 100% on it yet.  Tentatively let's call it "video segment that I haven't thought up a clever enough name for yet."

That's about it for tonight.  It's way past my bed time.  It's been dark for like 2 hours now, and they do call me the Daywalker for a reason.  Because I apparently look like Woody Harrelson who was in a movie with my boy Wesley Snipes  who was the Daywalker in Blade.

If you managed to follow all of that, you might be a follower of my blog.
They also call me Jeff Blogworthy.

more america

Just watched the hot dog eating contest.  I thought maybe it would make me less hungry but it actually made me feel like I should be eating more.  So i've been eating all morning.  All the water on the ground better dry up so I can skate today.  This weekend has made me fat. just like last weekend. and basically every other day too. 

In related news, I must be a genius because after the color of the day yesterday was foggy, it got real foggy last night.  From now on you can all call me Mr. Cleo.

Also I left my windows open during the rain yesterday.  I really suck at that.  And by suck at that I mean I regularly leave my windows open in the rain.  So I guess maybe that means I'm good at that?  Someone help me. 

Lastly I would like to express my annoyance that I actually have to start studying again this week.  Come on grad school.  I was just getting really used to the laziness of summer. 

Today you just get one thing that I was thinking about today.

1) Operation

And now for Raichu the Haiku writer writes a haiku for you.

4th of july fun
meat and meat and meat and meat
did i mention meat?

i think that was one of my better ones

They call me Drew

yo dog

I rocked that tanktop super hard yesterday.

Don't wear swim trunks all day.  Your butt will not thank you for it, especially when its 100000 degrees out. Kelvin. which would technically be cooler than Celsius i think, but I just don't think it was quite 100000 C.

I have way more barbecuing to do today, so I'm gonna make this one quick and just hit you with a Raichu the haiku writer writes a haiku for you. 

it is real hot out
my butt sweats like a fire hose
it is pretty gross.

the color of the day today is foggy

 it's not actually even foggy here but that's just what you get here at please excuse our appearance we are remodeling.  just stuff with no explanation.

Do yourself a favor and put this combo of sauces on your next cheeseburger: ketchup, frank's red hot, and boars head mustard.  It was fantastic.  Oh and somebody get me a bottle of this.

I don't know why I put the link and the picture, but this is literally the best mustard in the world.  I need some and I need to know where to get an unlimited supply of it.  Followers, go forth and find me my mustard!

apparently walmart has it.

They call me the blog-BQer.

one more thing

I just noticed that it says I posted that last blog at 7:30 am.  Which means they are going by the west coast time zone.  I'm gonna have to find out how to change that because even though I'm in the midwest, I rep east coast all day son.

And here is you saturday version of Raichu the haiku writer writes you a haiku

out of ideas

writing haikus getting hard

maybe more poop jokes?

UPDATE: I figured out how to change the time, and decided to make it central time because otherwise I would get confused again.  I'm a sell out. Also, apparently I can put ads on this page and get paid for blogging?  If this actually makes me more than a dollar I don't know what I'll do but I don't want to write it here because then I'll actually have to do it later on.

mrrrrrcccuhhhhhhhhhh

Don't you think it's kind of pompous for America to celebrate its birthday for a whole weekend?  Come on America.  You're not a 19 year old white college girl.  You don't get a birthday week.  You're super old. Get over it.  But actually keep celebrating because I love fireworks. and by fireworks I mean these

Now that the cicada infestation is over, I need to find a new animal to hate.  I'm open to suggestions, so either write a comment, send a carrier pigeon, or don't help me at all and leave me to think of everything as usual.  I hate you guys so much.

Last night I ate almost a whole family size bag of tortilla chips.  I think that's a pretty good sign that I'm getting fat again. Workout strategy- skate till i puke, then go to the hospital and get my fluids replaced via IV.  If anyone else has any other suggestions, send them my way.  Otherwise I'm just gonna do that.  Seems safe.

I watched Jurassic Park 2 last night, and let me tell you, that acting was hilarious.  There were times where I wasn't sure if what I was watching was supposed to make me scared or giggly.  Jeff Goldbloom's black daughter was a pretty good highlight of terribleness.

So was this weird dude.

Bottom line is dinosaurs are awesome. Late nineties thriller movie acting is awesome too, but only in an ironic way.

I took the GRE this week.  They made me write out this 4 sentence promise to not discuss GRE questions or sell them or something, but they made me write it in cursive.  I decided to just scribble it, and i'm gonna just write out the rest screenplay style:

GRE lady- "Actually we need you to write this in cursive."
Me (with surprised and amusement)- "I haven't written in cursive since I was nine years old"
Lady- "Ya i know, all the letters just have to be connected"
Me (realizing she's not joking)- "alright, I guess I'll give it a shot"

Then I proceeded to spend like a half hour trying to remember how to write in cursive.  Then they metal detected me and let me take my test, which by the way is the stupidest test ever.  Computer tests are awful.  I spent more effort trying to make sense of what the questions said than actually answering them.  Clearly whoever is writing the GRE needs a lesson in punctuation.  But I can't tell you any more than that otherwise they'll send the GRE police after me.  AKA those three women at the test taking center, one of who was pretty cute.  Hey white lady who metal detects people at the GRE place, get at me.

Also, i do realize the irony of me talking about grammar on this craphole of a blog, but come on, I write these in like 10 minutes and ignore all the red squigglies. There's one under squigglies right now but I'm leaving it.

The color of the day is red, in honor of the color of the tanktop I bought yesterday

Now if you will excuse me, it's time to go lose some weight so they don't call me the bloated blogger anymore.  Because they call me that.

PEOPLE TALK TO ME OK?